Not letting my son go to his grandparents

[oncloud99]

Cut a long story short need advice

I'm not letting my son go down my parents because my brother who is 29 and a father himself threatened to sort my 9 year old son out and I don't want him near my son. Am I being unreasonable or not giving a shit about my sons safety?
My parents have their other grandson everyday 24/7 because my brother can't cope and he practically rules my parents life and they won't say or do any hing because they are scared of him and the way he reacts picks fights with them argues till he's blue in the face if he can't get his own way.
But yet they won't travel 50 miles to visit my son because it's to much petrol. They made the choice to move away.
My parents have pretty much controlled me my whole life they moved away because of my brother causing all sorts where they used to live. I stayed because I have my own family here and they don't like it. And I'm now being called all sorts because I'm apparently stopping them from having a relationship with my son. I'm quite honest and open with my son as I want him to beable to tell me things that maybe he is too scared to tell. Am I being unreasonable?

Doesn't sound like it.

YANBU! I wouldn’t want my child near someone like that!

It's the sensible thing to do.

Your brother sounds a bit unhinged, your son is best away from him.

YANBU them moving away sounds like a great deal for you. They all sound dreadful.

Agree - stay clear of crazy brother. And if that means your parents don't get to see him at their house, tough luck. 50 miles is only an hour's drive or so - hardly taxing for them to come to you. I bet if you leave it long enough you'll find they do start making the journey themselves, when they realise you mean business. Do they really want to make the grandchildren suffer because they can't be bothered to get in their car every so often? Stand firm!!

YANBU
They sound pretty awful. If they can't/won't protect your DS from their son (your brother), then they are not fit to look after him. Even visits with you would be brief and cut short if your brother is there.

I would also take some time to recover and think about family dynamics. Maybe pop into the Stately homes thread? Or read Toxic Families?

This is my original post. Mumsnet locked me out of my account. My parents are good people but they won't agree to my terms of not letting my brother near my son. I feel like I'm losing a never ending battle they do everything to please my brother. I love my parents dearly but surely they should respect my wishes in not wanting this.

Idk if you've heard of the Golden child and Scapegoat family dynamic, but it sounds like your family.

Your parents don't sound like good people. They sound like they facilitate your violent brother, wont make an effort to see your kids and blame you for it.
Look up the Golden Child, and FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. Your parents have told you that they cant have a relationship with you unless you have one with someone who is violent and has threatened your child.
This isnt normal.

outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/fog-fear-obligation-guilt

It doesn’t matter what they or anyone else thinks. Your priority should always be keeping your kids safe. And if that means that he doesn’t stay with granny and grandad then so be it.

What does he mean by sorting your son out?!
Doesn’t sound good.
You stand strong. It doesn’t matter what they call you etc.
Protect your boy