....To think that I'll never drive!

[BizzieBoo]

So at the ripe old age of 36 (& 10 years after I previously started lessons and gave up due to circumstances) I've decided to go for it again. I'm due lesson number 5 today and my instructor has much more faith in me than I do!

I'm driving on the open road and tackling roundabouts (although today will be my first time going right at them

My problem is I suffer with anxiety and whilst having a lesson and after I feel great and my instructor says I'm hours ahead of where he'd expect etc but in the lead up to a lesson I feel horrendous - sick, stressed, like I've forgotten everything.

WIBU to ask him today to cover the things that make me overthink the most so I can take proper notes to cover between lessons (this would help me immensely) even though it'll eat into my driving time? As you can tell I seriously overthink things!! Does anyone else feel as if they'll just never be driving independently?

I posted pretty much the same thing recently. I had my 8th lesson on Monday and am already feeling a bit more hopeful but think I'm going to be a slow learner.

My first 3 lessons were on an industrial estate and the first time I was out on the road I felt al lot better than I'd been expecting. My instructor also has more faith in me than I do and keeps telling me I need to believe in myself but I am so anxious and have came away from my lessons with sore arms and legs from being so tense.

I got my instructor to write notes for me to read in between lessons and also this website is fantastic www.drivingtesttips.biz

I kept saying I'm never going to pick it up, I'm never going to be able to drive, there was too much to take in etc but I do feel a bit more confident now when I think what I've learnt so far.

The more you do the better it will get. If you feel anxious, get some practice off-road, in a car park or disused airfield

Hi op, I learnt to drive age 36 too while pregnant, most difficult thing I have ever done, very nervous in cars, on roads, scared of roundabouts, scared of going in the wrong direction etc etc. I am 50 now btw and have built up my confidence gradually. Having a driving instructor you like is vital. I went through 2 before no 3 suited me (super calm uncomplicated plump man). Maybe try a mantra when driving worries pop into your head "I trust Bob my teacher" or whatever you think will reassure yourself, remind yourself of the dual controls, you are just a learner, the instructor is in charge. You will get through it and pass your test, having a car and being able to drive is a great skill. I pushed through as I was having a baby (lived in the countryside) and needed to be able to drive for all the obvious things like supermarket, school run etc. I am sure your instructor won't mind any suggestions you have to help calm your nerves and help you relax, if they do mind then get a new instructor. Good luck.

Driving anxiety is very common, even on MN a lot of threads pop up about posters frustrated with how their lessons are going, or even licensed drivers who have passed but still get nervous about motorways etc.

I was a very nervous driver too, it took me 3 attempts in my late 20s and my first 2 were fails because my nerves got the best of me.

My advice would be to keep at it, I nearly packed it in on many occasions due to the frustration of feeling like I’d never manage it. But every time you’re on the road you’re getting experience in, and the more experienced you are, the more confident you are, and the less nervous you’ll be. Ask your instructor to go over your problem areas frequently, repetition is key so the more you do it, the better you’ll feel. I mentioned to my instructor I was anxious about big roundabouts as they seemed overwhelming, so we did an entire lesson on them! Just going to all the complex roundabouts in my area and doing them over and over. By the end of the lesson I was fine with them.

Keep going, be kind to yourself and visualise the day you get that license 😊

You can do it!!
I was just like you. On and off with lessons from 18. 12 years worth of stopping and starting. Due to circumstances and anxiety.

I finally done it. I didn't give up. 17 months worth of driving lessons, 3 failed tests. 2 of those failed purly on anxiety, causing so many mistakes and hesitations.
After a good few months I wasn't very nervous on lessons any more. My instructor was fab. But as soon as I booked my test I felt sick every time I thought about it for weeks. And on the day of the test was awful. My nerves took over and I shook through all 3 tests. First one I was pretty sure I would be sick. I wasn't.
My 4th test. I told the examiner before I got into the car that I was super nervous and failed 3 test already, because of my anxiety. He was brilliant. And I felt better straight away just for telling him. He spoke alot throughout the test, and let me have music on very low. I passed.
Been driving over a year now. And apart from being a bit nervouse about driving alone for the first few weeks, I felt quite confident in my abilities. I love it.

Learning to drive is the only thing that has ever made me feel this way!

I hope to know this might help you carry on. You can and will do it. No matter how bad you feel. Just don't give up!

It's my test today! I'm feeling the nerves kicking in, I've not been driving long but have had double lessons and sometimes 2 a week. My instructor has been brilliant, he feels I'm ready for the test so I'm trusting him. It took me a while to 'click' with some things, but now I don't even think about it!

Familiarity breeds contempt, OP. It’s a cliche because it’s true. The more lessons you have, the more familiar you get with the controls and the car, the more you practise manoeuvres, the less stressful they will become- they are just then a routine thing that you can do without thinking.
Nobody is born knowing how to drive - we all stalled the engine, rolled back on hill starts, over steered on bends, etc! And most of us got stressed, embarrassed and sweaty while learning.
Don’t overthink the whole thing. Just remind yourself you’re a learner- it’s the instructor who is in charge of the vehicle. You’re just following orders!
Before lessons, have a few deep breaths and try to relax. You will definitely not be the worst pupil your instructor’s ever had! Most of them dread over cocky teenagers doing dangerous stuff, much more than safe but anxious pupils.
Don’t be hard on yourself, or expect to get it all right in a couple of lessons - your instructor will know when you’re ready for a test, and won’t push you too soon. Try to enjoy the lessons, celebrate each minor triumph, like your first successful roundabout. I think your anxiety will slowly fade - good luck, and start having fun with it all!

Bloody wrong thread

Thanks everybody!

It's so frustrating as last time I was so close but due to circumstances I had to stop and then just never took it up again. In that time I've developed anxiety and whilst I generally have it under control, driving sets it off again but I really need to do this. I always leave a lesson feeling amazing and my instructor has huge confidence in me but leading up to my next it's like I forget everything! .

I know that I can do it and I'm determined not to give up but it's easier said than done! I think I'm going to ask him today if we can sit and cover (as in talk) over the things that I am over focusing on so I can take clear notes to read over and I know this will help me going forward. Might be a slight waste of a lesson if I'm not driving for the full hour but I think it's what I need to do. I look at the amount of people who drive and figure it can't be that hard and then I start panicking the day before a lesson.

@ImSoExhausted good luck with your test today!!

I took absolutely years and 8 tests to get my licence but got there in the end. Perseverence pays off! Keep sticking with it and you'll do it.

@BizzieBoo I passed! Only 13 weeks of lessons and about 32 hours in total, it can be done! I was truly terrible on my first 6/7 lessons hahaha

I was post 30 when I started learning and I generally have very poor spatial awareness anyway. It took me ages. I'd come home from lessons in tears. I passed first time after about a year and a half of lessons. I feel so proud of myself for persevering.

Woohoo @ImSoExhausted well done you! better not give you

That's just it rationally I know deep down I'm not awful I just get too much inside my head and convince myself that I am - no matter what my lovely instructor say!

Good luck op 😊
I’m starting driving lessons in September I’m late 30s petrified but I have a car sat on my drive and I have to go out getting the bus and taxis in the rain etc

This thread is so comforting. Driving seems like one of those things everyone just does and at a young age without complications - I don't know anyone who doesn't drive except me. I've felt really down about my slow progress but I'm determined to keep trying no matter how many lessons and failed tests it takes me.

I passed 4th time in late 20s. Had a fab instructor and also my own car which I practised in with other people - obvs! Made a massive difference. I can’t say I really like driving even now but it’s a necessity. Dh likes to drive so he drives 99% of the time unless he wants a drink!

OP I used to secretly hope my instructors (all 4 of them ) would cancel before the lessons.

I hated learning to drive. It was stressy and demoralising and my progress was extremely slow. One of my instructors asked me if I had a learning disability as she couldn’t believe how bad I was at processing information. I thought I must be one of those people who just can’t drive and shouldn’t even try.

But after a few months it all finally started to fall into place and I actually found myself looking forward to lessons I passed my test and it’s been absolutely life changing. The freedom that being able to drive gives you is worth every single penny and every extra grey hair or tear shed in the process.

Keep going, you can do this!