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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think I’m BU, tell me where to start fixing ..

3 replies

ILoveHumanity · 26/07/2018 00:17

I know I’m being unreasonable but can’t help the way I feel ...

Before I got married I had a good relationship with all my relatives.. I managed to ignore everyone’s mistakes and faults and just saw each ones strengths and loved everyone in a unique way..

When I got married... my husband is a very opinionated guy... he seems to like people but has too much attention to detail and can point out everyone’s flaws which I wouldn’t otherwise see...

At the beginning I used to be very defensive ... but I naturally kept everyone at a distance because I felt that I didn’t know how to put boundaries with everyone in a way they can respect.. but I respected and loved them

I managed to convince my husband not to be judgemental and so he finally stopped holding a binocular and started to get on with everyone ..

Really well.... really really well... to a point where I feel uncomfortable with how close he is to my relatives .. to a point where I feel my personally boundaries are violated where now my relatives are really aware of my life updates and personal details which I feel insecure about sharing

I feel I should be happy my husband is on friendly terms with my relatives ... finally.. but I really am not .. he went the other extreme ..

I feel exposed ... it is difficult to get my husbands to keep minding his own business .. difficult to keep my relatives minding their own business .. and so I feel like the combination of both results in violation of my own privacy and peace ..

Hope I made sense ..

Judge away...

My mum thinks I’m wanting to control my husband and being a control freak... I’m just here wanting peace .

My relatives have become so friendly with my husband that some of them make arrangements with him to come over and “forget” to inform me... in fact , he even forgets.. it bugs me .. it shouldn’t should it ?

OP posts:
FASH84 · 26/07/2018 00:20

So he didn't get on with them and kept them at arm's length and you didn't like it, so he's made an effort now gets on well with them, and you don't like it.....

ILoveHumanity · 26/07/2018 00:47

@FASH I feel like when he dislikes someone he loses respect and when he loves someone he loses boundaries ...

I guess I want both respect and boundaries to be kept .. and the love or lack of it doesn’t bother me

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 26/07/2018 01:04

I'm not sure you are being unreasonable. It's fine for him to share his own issues with other people, but he should respect your desire for privacy and keep those parts to himself. What does he say when you've asked him not to share details about you with others?

On the asking people round front - I think that's the sort of thing where reasonable people can differ and it's hard to find a good compromise when someone feels they need to be informed in advance of every visitor and another wants to be able to do things in a more relaxed way. Does he forget to inform you other visitors too, and does that bug you or is it just your relatives?

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