To resent being left to do it all

[mrsfarmsrswife]

Firstly I'm not unaware that in many ways I am very lucky. I love my dh an 2dc. I have a good job - teacher. And have a nice home.

But I often resent that my dh works from 6am to 7.30/8pm 6 days a week and then on the 7th day 6.30am-10.30am an 5pm-7.30pm. Our children r very young (2 an a half an 10months). Almost all parenting and housework falls to me. I get really angry when he comes home after the 7.45 mark an he thinks I jus overreact.

Aibu to feel a bit taken for granted or is this normal enough for other families?

Is he really working all that time? What does he do? And is it a choice for him to be doing such long hours?
I know as a teacher you'll be working similar hours yourself, so no, it's not fair that you're left with all the housework and childcare.

YANBU. You both work, why is he doing such crazy hours?

He chose to be a father and now he’s choosing to hardly ever spend time with his children. He can’t be doing anything at hone at all so no wonder you’re resentful and exhausted and possibly a bit lonely.

Had his work always been like this?

Yes he is working during those hours. He's a dairy farmer. Cows r milked twice a day every day.

It has always been like this so I know I shouldn't complain but it is very frustrating now we have children. If we lived on the farm things would be better but with a 10 min drive each way he's out the full duration.

He loves the children an is very good with them but I feel they miss out as he's so often away

I grew up with my Dad as a herdsman. Fortunately we lived on site so I saw quite a lot of him and I was able to wander over to the farm when I was older. But my mum was still the main carer and too be honest whilst I always got on fine with him we didn't become close until after my mother died when I was 14. Can you move closer? I'm surprised he is out so late though my dad was always done for the day by 6pm. Ahh just checked you have a later milk time my dad's was 0530 and 1630 or thereabouts. Does he need to work Saturdays could that be negotiated? I think you need to maybe write it all down as you're obviously stressed at the end of the day and it's never a good place to come from for being calm and rational. I don't think you should be doing it all. Can you afford a cleaner on top of childcare, I think that would save a lot of your stress. Sorry to not offer more helpful suggestions but being a farmers wife of whatever description is never an easy route.