3.5 year old hitting and pushing

[Desperatetwinmum]

Our 3.5yo has been exhibiting really challenging behaviour.They hit out at other kids,throws tantrums,shouting,snatching toys including hurting little ones .Its not bad at home they’re very loving and tactile, but around other kids it’s a nightmare and you have to watch them constantly.We’re awaiting referrals but no one has any suggestions on how to approach it.They’re not angry when they hit,it’s random with no clear trigger.Any suggestions?Just removing from the situations at the moment but that doesn’t stop other kids getting hurt.

Tricky. What assessments are you looking at? Could it be he likes the reaction he gets when he's aggressive. Could you find an alternative way to get a big reaction? E. G. Pulling silly faces etc. Could it be he wants to be removed from the situation and thus is a quick way of achieving that?

I agree with removing straight away, leaving and going home too. In the absence of any diagnosis I would else tell them off, being very firm too.

Posted too soon! Can you talk about behaviour, I.e good behaviour and poor behaviour and how it feels to the other person when he hits or when he snatches a toy? Would he understand that?

We’ve gone for everything,HV have done developmental assessments,One was ok the other they scored high so it’s been sent to the paediatrician.Theyve been referred to SALT,paediatrician&optician to be checked out but just waiting at the mo.Its hard as at home it’s not as bad so difficult to assess but at nursery it was awful.We had to move them it was so bad but behaviours not really improved.

This programme about aggression in children was on Radio 4 a couple of days ago. May be worth a listen.

I had a biter and he did improve but it was definitely challenging.

We don’t reallt socialise with other families but in childcare it’s been difficult.They now use our approach of sitting child out,gettin them to say sorry.The problem is whilst they know they’ve not made a good choice and they’ve hurt,it doesn’t stop them the next time

I’ll have a listen thanks Matilda

Cross posted. For the assessment at home can you pre record some video footage of examples of situations as they occur? And keep a diary of events, places, triggers etc.

At this age it’s very likely to be coming from a place of fear. I hope you get some help soon.

My son is 4.5 years and has been the same for at least 18 months if not longer, he was diagnosed as moderate asd at 3 years old. He's a big lad aswell so even worse as he's capable of really hurting another child, makes me sweat taking him out.

I can say though after a rough year of all sorts of behaviour specifically the attacking other kids for no reason at all, drove me insane with it, but we have been out with my friend and her 2 year old today and my son hasn't pushed, swiped, smacked, pinched, scratched, nothing! Just cuddled.

He is still supervised very closely to avoid any mishaps and I am 'that' parent who helicopters at all times to avoid it happening, but it's how it has to be, but the outbursts towards the other kids have reduced down gradually and this past few weeks I haven't seen it happen at all, nursery said they had seen a reduction in the behaviour also, I'm pleased to say.

Stressful times while your in the midst of it though.

All I can suggest is keep on supervising being ready to intervene, telling him to use 'kind hands' or a favourite of mine is in a stern voice say no we don't push (smack, bite, insert whichever behaviour) we cuddle instead. Bit strange getting your child to cuddle a random child he'd picked on, but he started to get the idea.. and now often immediately goes to hug a child.

I just apologise to the parent as I'm sure you already do, some are more understanding than others though. Not much more you can do other than hope for it to stop.