to be sick of feeling so powerless and useless

[Tobythecat]

Im autistic and i dont/cant drive and im so sick of asking people for lifts. I struggle to use public transport and get lost easily so can only do one specific bus route. My cat needs to go to have minor surgery at PDSA which is 25 minutes away. I have booked the appointment twice and had to cancel twice because i couldnt get a lift. My friends seem unwilling and reluctant to help and i feel like a beggar with a bowl asking and nagging for lifts. I always give petrol money.

Family all work fulltime so are unable to take me. Im living off esa because my dla stopped so i cant afford the 30 quid to get a taxi there and back.

I try my best to be as independent as i can, but living with autism in this world not made for me is fucking hard and i feel utterly useless. Some nights i go to bed hoping i dont wake up because my life is such a struggle.

Contact your local volunteering group, all local authorities have one, and see if they have a willing volunteer driver. This is exactly the sort of thing they help with and also taking people to their own hospital appointments etc.

Can you google ‘volunteers in x town ‘?

Could you walk there?

Please don't feel useless x I am recovering from having a brain tumour removed. I can drive but only got my license back two weeks ago. I have very few friends and family don't live near. I also struggle with buses.

What saved me was discovering a charity that offered lifts to those with medical conditions that meant they struggled to attend appointments. It was £5 a return journey and would take you to ANY appointment (hospital, vets, dentist, hair etc) but not shopping. Is there something like that near you? Mine wasn't advertised. I found it through a combination of the internet and the phone directory and being nosey on other charity pages.

I know your fear with your puss. During all this, I had 16 vet visits in 5 weeks as my girl needed her leg amputating.

Stay strong, you are doing brilliantly and be kind to yourself. Disability / illness / handicaps to life are bloody hard to deal with, especially the ones that can't be seen. People forget, not about you but about what you have to deal with to function. Good luck x

I second the local volunteering group coordinator as this is the sort of thing that they know. That and services for "vulnerable people" as they term it in my town (covers support for gardening, decorating, weekly shopping etc.).

I agree with Matilda, a volunteer driver would solve your problem.
In the longer term, are there any autism support workers in your area, or could you contact the various autism charities, to see if someone could help you with these kind of issues?
I’m thinking that maybe, to take the cat as an example, someone could escort you on the bus to the PDSA a couple of times to rehearse the journey with you, until it becomes one of your safe regular routes that you’re familiar with.
I’m also autistic, although less severe, and I used to panic terribly about getting buses in foreign resorts on holiday. I spent fortunes on taxis to avoid it!
But when my kids grew up, they dragged me onto buses, trams, all sorts, and made me learn to navigate routes and be calmer about it. They also bought me a phone with a google maps and navigate thing, so the phone tells me where to go.
Finally, a friend said something that made me laugh, but is true: “No tourist ever starved to death in the street because they couldn’t find the way back to their hotel. Just ask someone for directions!”
You can ask the driver, or people on the bus, to tell you the right stop, and ask in the street for the PDSA. People are usually happy to help, it makes them feel useful.
Good luck, OP. I’m sure you’ll find a way to do this for your wee cat.

It's impossible to walk very far carrying a panicky cat in a basket, and later, a fragile cat recovering from surgery. From the vet's car park into the surgery is enough for me and the other cat slaves I know. Wheeled cat baskets generally aren't well tolerated by their intended passengers [ouch...].

Thank you all for your replies. I have just contacted my local support co ordinator to see if there are any organisations that can help.

Babdoc, yes i am on the waiting list with the mentor charity for help with bus routes. It takes me a long time to learn a new bus route and to attempt it by myself. I feel like such an utter burden. I really hope they can find an autism cure in my lifetime.