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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another wedding one! - this isn't really an invitation is it?

37 replies

BettySundaes · 25/07/2018 10:37

Just received an invitation to an overseas wedding that is happening in less than a month's time ie mid-August, at an extreme popular European holiday resort, there is not a scrap of information about what provisions are being made for guests to attend, just the ceremony starts at/there will be a buffet afterwards. The invite is from distant family.

Anyway I went to reply through their fancy website and it says "RSVP's for this event are now closed" I guess that's really telling me.

Why do people do this - they obviously just want to say they invited us? Perhaps I should bust a gut scrabbling around to find a last minute flight/hotel and turn up just to upset their numbers!

OP posts:

Zintox · 25/07/2018 10:39

That's pretty rude! Would ehave wanted to go? If so you could get in touch and say that the system won't let you rsvp.
If not then I'd let it go.

RuggerHug · 25/07/2018 10:41

Either they've realised most people won't be coming and panicking trying to up the numbers or it's a gift grab. A lovely card with heartfelt well wishes is all you need to do.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 25/07/2018 10:42

Invitation in post? Could be a delay maybe - seems odd sending an invite for no reason.

MirandaWest · 25/07/2018 10:42

It sounds to me like they’ve had people drop out and so you are on the second list, after the RSVP date

Lifeisabeach09 · 25/07/2018 10:42

Was it a mailed invite? Could it have been delayed in the post?

Lucky escape, OP.

Wellthen · 25/07/2018 10:42

I’d definitely let them know the rsvp has closed as thats pretty damn rude.

It’s one thing sending courtesy invites that you’re fairly certain someone will decline but it’s anothet to send one that’s actually impossible to accept.

Anxious2niteaaah · 25/07/2018 10:46

I imagine that if they have told you on the invite the date, time and place of the wedding and nothing else then they will be expecting any guests attending to pay for their own FL, transport from airport, accommodation, meals on all the days you are there etc

Its alot to ask of someone to spend all of that to attend a wedding, especially since you have to factor in wedding outfit, hair and make up, wedding gift, spending money for when you are over there...etc it soon adds up

MatildaTheCat · 25/07/2018 10:46

How rude, they’ve obviously had a lot of people decline and are scrabbling around for a C list.

I’d message them ( on their wedding website if it exists) saying thanks so much for the invitation but due to the short notice you are unable to attend and were unable to use the RSVP provided.

Do you even know them?

Anxious2niteaaah · 25/07/2018 10:50

Oh I just saw they sent you an invite that was impossible to send an RSVP ...that's just rude...I would call them.up, say hi, got your invite for the wedding thank you so much (make them sweat )...then say when I tried to rsvp it wouldn't let me it said RSVPs were closed (make them sweat a bit more )....then after they on the spot try to Scrabble up a bumbling reply , I would sweetly say oh thanks anyway I was just rsvp to let you know.im not coming)

FetchezLaVache · 25/07/2018 11:03

Hahaha, I was about to suggest exactly what Anxious2niteaaah put! I think at the very least they definitely deserve being put to a degree of inconvenience/discomfort to make up for their rudeness.

WonkyWay · 25/07/2018 11:12

I’d also be tempted to contact them just for fun but I think totally ignoring it would be ok too. It sounds like a your-not-really-invited- Invite.

Would you send a gift? Might it be a gift fishing invite? Or is that too suspicious.

specialsubject · 25/07/2018 11:23

lucky escape, keep quiet!

bigKiteFlying · 25/07/2018 11:25

I'd be thinking gift fishing exercise.

KC225 · 25/07/2018 11:26

I would not be impressed. Don't ignore it - they may be rude but you don't have to be. I like the message, 'I have tried to RSVP but am unable to, please advise'. Then respond formally with such short notice, you are unable to attend.

bananaboats · 25/07/2018 11:31

I'd probably just ignore it

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/07/2018 11:40

Defnitely a gift grab. My mother got one of these last year from her cousins daughter, who she had never even met. Silly mother sent a cheque (they asked for money, with a poem, natch) despite me trying to stop her.

spanishwife · 25/07/2018 11:43

Get in touch and say you have only just received it - either they will make an exception or they wont.

On what provisions are being made for guests to attend - well, you know where it is don't you? Did you expect them to book a hotel and chauffeur for you?

Inertia · 25/07/2018 11:48

I bet the facility to give presents / money isn’t closed...

Ozgirl75 · 25/07/2018 11:52

We did a couple of “courtesy invites” to our wedding (aunts overseas etc), knowing they couldn’t come, the subtext being “we would love you to come so invited you but obviously understand that you can’t”.

Difference is, I would have been thrilled if they could make it.

I live overseas now and my three best friends always include me in their invites to “big” dos because they say it seems weird to leave me out

BewareOfDragons · 25/07/2018 12:14

Pure Gift Grab.

usernameismyusername · 25/07/2018 12:15

Total gift grab.

CloudPop · 25/07/2018 14:37

I once had an email on Boxing Day mentioning that the bridal would love to see us at their wedding on 3 Jan - in New Zealand

Roussette · 25/07/2018 14:48

We were surprisingly not asked to a close relative's wedding. I accepted it, it was only going to be small wedding apparently. It was like you OP, in a popular and very expensive place in August. I had always planned to give a decent present whether we went or not, because I was close the the relative concerned.

Then I heard rumblings that the wedding wasn't as small as I thought and out the blue we got a phone call 4 weeks before saying we had been asked after all and could we come. Apparently there was a website with all the details (I wasn't given that, I found out from someone else telling me) and we worked out that to attend would involve ££££ plus very tiring travelling in peak season with the added extra of bringing home someone (I found out later everyone was staying on for a week).

Why do people do this? It just leaves a bad taste in the mouth. If we'd been properly asked like everyone else, we'd have planned accordingly and attended (it was a gobsmacking place to get married, we would have loved to be there, can't say where or I will out myself) but to be an afterthought and not part of the arrangements on the website and to have to bring a rellie back to UK, just made us feel used.

Roussette · 25/07/2018 14:49

Hasten to add, it cost ££££ because it was last minute when we looked at how we could attend and prices were extortionate

ShumpaLumpa · 25/07/2018 14:58

to have to bring a rellie back to UK

what does this mean Roussette? Did they give you a job to do?

I hope you didn't a present?

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