... to think this might be a know-it-all and slowly back off?

[ravenmum]

I have put in an ad looking for people to go jogging with me, describing myself as a beginner and looking for other beginners, and saying I'm a 49-year-old woman. This is on a site where you can post anonymously and don't have to give out phone no. or anything. Now got three responses, all from 35-year-olds. Two say they are relatively unfit beginners like me, so hopefully won't just sprint off looking all young and fresh. The third responded (short version):

Him: So have you got a basic level of fitness?
Me: I'm not sporty but am slim and do lots of walking without getting out of breath.
Him: Well then, that's actually not a bad basis to start out from. The most important thing when you're running is your heart rate.
Him later: About me: I'm 34 and work in the rescue services.

Am I being paranoid or does he sound patronising? I didn't ask for his advice on my heart rate and specifically said I was looking for beginners. Benefit of the doubt, or claim I just wanted one running partner and have found one?

I can be a bit paranoid so might be overthinking it!

Impossible to tell. Some people just don’t come across well on paper as it were.

He might be trying to be helpful or he might be a know it all, I would say "thanks for your advice, you sound like more than a beginner! I found a couple of beginners to train with now which i think will suit me better"

I think he sounds like a perfect running partner as in he knows what he's doing so will be able to help you .
So many people start running and make mistakes at the beginning which means they sadly don't continue .
Take his advice and still run with the others , you've got nothing to loose.

I would take it as someone who is asking a beginner if they have reasonable fitness before running.
Too often new runners start running before they can comfortably walk at a reasonable pace and that's how injuries happen.

That is true that someone with more experience could be helpful ... just a bit put off by the first messages being to tell me he knows more than me . Used to get a lot of lectures from my ex and his dad (both teachers) about things they didn't know any better than me, so I can be a bit touchy that way!

Maybe he's a personal trainer who will eventually try and sell his services to you.

He just sounds like he is trying to be helpful if you ask me. I don't think that comes across as patronising at all.

www.dailydot.com/irl/mansplaining-chart/

Might be a bit of the above...it's a flow chart but I can't seem to get it as a straight pic to post.

Beginners is always such a tricky category. I've met 'beginners' for one activity who were (literally) medalled Olympians in other disciplines.

And then there is the very fit beginner who has a resting heart rate in the 40s, is phenomenally limber, and has the lung capacity of a Tour de France winner.

And, there is the very unfit, stiff, uncoordinated, negligible prior experience of exercise beginner.

So, i'm no help at all. :)

Good, then I am probably being a bit paranoid by the sound of it. I'll give him a chance and blame it on you lot if it doesn't work out :)

If I tried to run I'd need someone in the rescue services before I got to the end of our street, he sounds perfect to me!

I was just imagining him as a big muscly, fit man based on his job, but could come in handy it's true!

I can't work out which bit sounds patronising so I wouldn't definitely say no.
Sounds like he is just being honest and setting expectations, you say you are beginner, that could mean anything from couch potato to someone who considers themself a bit rubbish (yet still does 5ks).

It's not a dating site, I doubt he is trying to show off or undermine you!

*would definitely say no

I seem to be in disagreement with PP but I do think he sounds patronising! That said, it's very possible that it's just the way it comes across, as you can't hear his tone or see his face. He's likely perfectly fine in person!

He may be looking for a fit beginner wanting to actually run and wants to make sure you're not an unfit beginner who will stop three paces down the road! Much better to find someone similar otherwise it must be really frustrating if you're trying to run and your partner wants to stop for a sit down and a snack every 2 minutes. And you've said how old you are so it's reasonable for him to respond similarly. Go for it. If you collapse and need resuscitating or are running so fast you burst into flames you'll be fine

That would put me off too. I don't like his vibe. Why say rescue services in that vague way? I'd go with the beginners.

Ŵould you really go off jogging with a man you've never met?

Well, obviously, yes :) why not?

He may be looking for a fit beginner wanting to actually run and wants to make sure you're not an unfit beginner who will stop three paces down the road
That's also fair to say.
When I started running I already did lots of walking and cycling, went to the gym and had done yoga for while so was reasonably fit.
I did some running with a friend who was new but reasonably unfit. I found it frustrating stopping every 30 seconds or so but kept up with it and did the proper couch to 5k programme because I'd heard too many new runners injure themselves by doing too much too soon.

Friend decided they didn't need C25K and was signing signing up for really long runs and getting braggy that she'd done all these events ans how she felt she'd come on so much more than me blah blah blah, but I knew for a fact she was walking around large chunks of them and complaining of injuries between. I mentioned the 10% rule for training but it fell on deaf ears so I didn't say anything more. It became a competition to her and I started to drift off and find new training buddies.

These days I love my 10ks and do the odd half marathon but have spent time working on form and conditioning for personal growth. She's now up to 'doing' marathons and ultras but never compeltes the bigger ones, posts loads about all these challenges she's doing (but barely completes citing injury) and wants sponsoring for but still doesn't run a 10k when we last tried to catch up.

It caused us to drift actually as friends unfortunately because we had different starting points and expectations of exercise and I found it really wearing.

He sounds kinda awful to me tbh! But I never like people!!

I get what you are saying it's bossy and seems to be mansplaining as you didn't ask for advice. There's plenty of advice online. I'd use that and go with somone who is at a similar level to you.

I'm going to go against the masses. There is something about this guy that's triggering your instincts- I def feel like there a bit of a patronising/ judgy vibe.
Do the other "real" beginners sound like they're more suited? Just go with them. Life's too short, why bother spending time with someone you feel uncomfortable with, even if you can't quite put your finger on the source of your discomfort.

Yes, I'd run a mile, and not with him! There are plenty of people out there who will be a running buddy without trying to tell you how to do it (and you've already found two of them).

That would have put me off too. Another one who thinks his post a little too aggressive. And what's with the emergency services call? A friends brother slips that stuff into conversations early on as he thinks it makes women's knickers melt off.

Stick with the first ones

I'd be more worried about his motivation. The two beginners wants a beginner to run with. Makes sense. He is not a beginner, younger, male. Why would he want to run with you?