To ask if this is a normal toilet training experience?

[bgmama]

We started toilet training DS more than two months ago. He was 2.5 years old and displayed most readiness signs so we thought he was ready. However, even on good days, he will usually say he wants to use the toilet after he has started peeing. He is now going through a phase where he doesn't want to use his potty. I knew this would be a long process and was prepared to be patient, encouraging him etc but I am wondering if still having accidents at least every other day is normal. He is our first child and I have heard other parents saying their children were toilet trained within a week, so I am not sure it's normal. Any opinions will be very appreciated.

Honestly, from my experience I would say no. Both my dd were very quick to train, both reliable after a week. But friends have had a harder time. Some are still struggling after a month, but even then they normally have an accident a week or have a couple of good weeks followed by a bad week.

As an aside my dd2 hated the potty, never used it, she was much happier using a seat on the toilet. She will use a potty now at a push (we have an out and about travel potty) but really prefers a toilet. Maybe try this?

Are you asking him to go to the toilet? Especially with dd2 (simply as we had School run etc) I often told her it was time to go and try as we were going out soon. So In fact the first 2 weeks she rarely told me she needed to go as I had put her on the toilet before she felt it herself. Once School half term rolled round she had become accustomed to going to the toilet regularly and started taking herself.

Try a seat on the loo. Maybe he feels he's too grown up for a potty.
And please ignore anyone who says they got it sorted in a week. It usually means they got their technique for dealing with accidents sorted in a week.
Don't worry and don't beat yourself up.

If your child is ready then toilet training is quick. Your child does not sound ready.
As it has been a couple of months you probably need to stick at it now, but try a different tack. Get rid of the potty. Get a step for the toilet and a little seat.
Read toilet training kids books every day to your son and talk a lot about how poo and wee go.in the toilet. When he has an accident, no fuss, just oh dear we need to do wees in the toilet.
Try a sticker chart - one sticker every time he does anything in the toilet, but don't make a big deal about not getting a sticker if he has an accident.
Good luck.

This happened to us, so we stopped, left it for about 6 weeks then got rid of the potty and went straight to using the toilet (with child seat obviously). I think in our case he knew what to do but wasn't bothered, but he's starting nursery next week and we showed him the toilets there and told him all of the other big boys and girls would be using them.

Sorry, that was long! Nothing wrong with taking a break and trying again in a few weeks though. Second time round there were no accidents at all on day 2. So I think it should be quicker when they are ready.

It depends how you are training him. The general trend is to go 'cold turkey' but removing nappies completely. Day 1 - wee everywhere! Day 2 - we mostly off potty, sometimes on potty. Day 3 - wee mostly on potty. Day 4 - wee all on potty. However at this age they need wee's often so you will be the potty to hand very quickly for a good few months, if not longer, after that. Boys tend to learn to pee sitting down first and only after a few months or longer, then stand.

If you little one isn't able to use the potty most of the time after 4 days cold turkey with no nappies and loads of encouragement, then maybe go back to nappies and wait til they r 3. 3 yr old boys get the hang of toilet training much quicker than younger boys - and they have better motor skills so are able to pull up pants etc and sit on potty without too much help much better at that age. 2.5 is still very young.

Has he spent a good chunk of time (days) naked and at home very the potty/loo so he has learnt when he needs to wee?

I left it until DS was definitely definitely ready and he was super quick. Only very occasional accidents. It does depend how ready they are I think. My friend toilet trained all hers before they were 2 and they all had months of daily accidents.

TBH he doesn't sound ready. I'd step right back. Back into nappies and try again in a few months.

I have one who trained in 48h at the second attempt, one who took a week or two, and one who took nearly a month.

The one who took 48h showed all the signs of readiness at 2, understood whatI wanted, but just couldn't do it. Eight months later, took just a weekend to be reliably dry and clean in the daytimes.

The one who took nearly a month was never reliably dry and at 5 was diagnosed with a bladder condition that needed medication. It resolved itself at puberty, and they came off the meds.

Things that I found helpful with all three:
Pants during waking hours, never training pullups.
Never sending them to the toilet, but just taking them at regular intervals.
Avoiding interrupting an activity to take them. I would watch their body language, and, if I saw them begin the bladder-dance, I would start distracting them from the activity or winding it down, so that it was easier for them to leave the activity when I then took them to the toilet.
Generally only asking whether they needed when I was fairly sure that they did (the bladder-dance!) to help them connect sensation and understanding.
If I needed them to wee at a specific time, eg before leaving the house, I would ask if they needed 10-15 mins before I wanted them to go. Always worked! Thinking about it seems to trigger the need.

Thank you all for your replies! So the consensus is he is not ready yet, put him back into nappies and try again when he is around 3?

Recognising they need to go after they start weeing is usually one of the first signs but to toilet train they need to be able to recognise the feeling of needing to go before they start weeing and be able to hold it it (at least a very short time initially) to get to the toilet.

It sounds like his body is just not yet able to recognise the signs. I found them wanting to do it made it much easier too.

I did wait until mine were completely ready and we had no accidents, no reminding them to go, etc.

You could carry on like this for months tbh and when he’s ready he’ll be able to do it but it’s not really training it’s just waiting until he’s ready but wearing pants instead of a nappy!

To answer some of the questions, yes he has spent days or sometimes weeks at home naked with lots of encouragement. He goes to nursery full-time and they are telling me that he never tells them he needs a wee, but they encourage all the children to go to the toilet at regular intervals.
The nursery will be closed all August and he will be spending this time with us and other family members. I was thinking whether to give it a last chance then as he can be naked at home with plenty of encouragement and reminders from us during that time, but I am now wondering whether to put him back into nappies.

Our boy was three and a half before starting toilet training. He hadn't shown any inclination or willingness before then. His nursery suggested leaving pants on but no pads. They made it easier as they were OK about any accidents. He was resistant for about a week, but made great progress and within a month was asking for and using potty or toilet for wee and poo, even at night-times. I'm sure people will be aghast at the idea of nappies going on for such a long time , but it seemed as though when he was ready, he really was ready.

Not in my experience no. DTs were reliably trained in three days. I waited until they were 3.4.

I couldn't face months of potty training with two of them not quite ready.

You could carry on like this for months tbh and when he’s ready he’ll be able to do it but it’s not really training it’s just waiting until he’s ready but wearing pants instead of a nappy!
Yes, I have this feeling, too.

My dd would still not poo in the loo by the time she started pre-school/nursery. Aged 4.

I have only just toilet trained DS who turned 3 last month. We're two and half weeks down the line and no accidents since day 3. So ime I'd say no that's not a normal thing and you're a saint for persevering for so long! It sounds like he's just not ready/interested right now. Maybe stop for a month or so and try again. Has he ever sat on the toilet? I started off by sitting DS on the toilet at bathtime to get him used to it so when it came to training he didn't mind sitting on it. Much preferred it to his potty.

I did the sitting on the toilet before bath too. When they can wee on demand every time (even if it’s a small amount) it’s usually a good sign they are ready.

By the time they are older, it really doesn’t matter if they trained when they were 2/3/4.

I didn’t use a potty, just straight on the toilet. When they are a bit older, they can usually dress/undress and get on and off the toilet themselves too.

I would say a child who wants to do it as well as being physically ready will be far easier to train as there is nothing better than self motivation. A child who isn’t interested, doesn’t want to sit on the toilet, wants nappies is always going to be a lot harder.