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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should have told me?

23 replies

IbizaLovesSundays · 25/07/2018 02:36

I have just had a dear friend over for two nights. She has been a friend since we were in year 7 so almost 20 years! She lives two hours away but her and her partner are significantly less well off than we are so we have always travelled to them. This time they agreed to come to us, but without asking us if it was OK they brought their dog with them. It's a small spaniel x type rescue dog and it's very sweet but the complex that we live in doesn't allow pets. When she turned up with it I made a big fuss of it and said how cute it was to avoid embarrassment but on the inside I was freaking out incase we got in trouble for having an animal in our flat. Aibu to think that she should have told me they were planning on bringing the dog. She didn't say anything when they arrived like 'I'm sorry we had to bring the dog I hope that's ok'... Or ask me beforehand.... Perhaps I should have told her our place didn't allow pets but I didn't expect her to bring it without asking... Maybe I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 25/07/2018 02:40

Why can’t you just be open and honest and tell her that dogs are not allowed?

RLOU88 · 25/07/2018 02:43

YANBU at all. I have a dog I go everywhere with but I wouldn’t even pop to a friends for a coffee with him without asking first. I find it hard to imagine doing otherwise tbh

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/07/2018 02:43

She can't tell you she's bringing the dog, you can't tell her they're not allowed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you British communication!

NonaGrey · 25/07/2018 02:45

She should have asked to bring it. You should have told her it wasn’t allowed.

Original poster
IbizaLovesSundays · 25/07/2018 04:17

I possibly should have mentioned that we have had a dog in the past. It died a few years before we moved into the new place. We never brought the dog when we went to visit her, so I never expected her to bring hers. I guess I should have been more communicative but tbf I almost forgot she had a dog and I def didn't expect her to Bring it

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 25/07/2018 04:19

You don't take a dog to someone's house without checking first.

Anxious2niteaaah · 25/07/2018 04:25

Just be honest with her, say something like your place doesn't allow animals and you didn't want to say anything on the day ...you need to tell her incase she turns up.with the dog again

KC225 · 25/07/2018 05:57

If she knew you are 'dog freindly' but don't currently have a dog, she probably just winged it - not giving you the opportunity to say no by thinking about it.

Perhaps don't her line saying, great to have you over. Mention that someone had asked if they had a 'dog' as dogs were not allowed in the complex.

SugarIsAmazing · 25/07/2018 06:01

I'd just let it stay after all its going home again, so the worst that can happen is you're told it has to go.

tomatosalt · 25/07/2018 06:58

As this is a long term friend and I presume she isn’t usually thoughtless or inconsiderate I wouldn’t be confrontational.
Presumably you will leave the building together at some point with the dog? Use this opportunity to mention that she might need to conceal the dog (if small enough) or make a dash for it.

Petalflowers · 25/07/2018 07:03

I’m on the fence here. Yes, they should have probably double checked first if it was okay to bring the dog. However, I presume you knew they had a dog, so I guess they thought it was okay, as you didn’t actually say it wasn’t.

Singlenotsingle · 25/07/2018 07:08

The rules probably say you aren't allowed to keep a dog, not that dogs are banned from ever setting paw in the place! I think you're over reacting!

ScreamingValenta · 25/07/2018 07:12

Yes, she should have asked about the dog. There are all sorts of reasons why even dog lovers might not be able to entertain a dog in their home at a given time.

BlueBug45 · 25/07/2018 07:14

Why didn't you just tell her the dog is cute etc and that you would like to have another dog but you aren't allowed dogs in your complex?

Then mention I hope the neighbours don't mind your dog tonight as if they complain I will be in trouble.

People aren't mind readers and while she should have asked you, if she knows you are dog friendly she would have presumed you would want to meet her latest pet/family member/whatever she calls it.

Bramble71 · 25/07/2018 07:20

She shouldn't have told you, OP, she should have asked! How very rude of her!

I really think you should say something so it can't happen again. You wouldn't be making excuses; your complex doesn't permit them so don't feel bad.

GnotherGnu · 25/07/2018 07:30

However, I presume you knew they had a dog, so I guess they thought it was okay, as you didn’t actually say it wasn’t.

That's quite bizarre. It would never occur to me to tell visiting friends that they shouldn't bring their dog or any other pet, because surely it would be obvious that you just don't do that without asking. Quite apart from OP's issue, how do they know that there won't be someone in the house who is allergic to dog fur, or who is phobic about dogs?

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2018 07:38

She’s completely in the wrong for just assuming. I know the place you are renting doesn’t allow dogs and I assume therefore animals but for all she knew you could have animals, which weren’t compatible with her dog. Bizarre. You do need to tell her that you’re concerned there will be complaints and tell her much as you love her dog you unfortunately won’t be able to accommodate her dog again. However, being a rescue perhaps she wouldn’t send it to kennels if it didn’t fare well in the rescue centre although we don’t know if this is the case.

dudsville · 25/07/2018 07:41

What MrsTerryPratchett said times a million.

Original poster
IbizaLovesSundays · 25/07/2018 12:40

I messaged her and said that we had loved having her and it was a lovely surprise to see the dog but they technically weren't allowed in our place. Light hearted 'hope grumpy Mr x downstairs doesn't report us'

OP posts:
RLOU88 · 25/07/2018 13:16

I think you should hve left the text message as it was nice to see you all but for future reference my lease doesnt permit animals. No need to get her worried about you being reported. If you were generally concerned that you would be, you should have said there and then. It’s your responsibility to have refused the pet to stay.

Myotherusernameisbest · 25/07/2018 13:19

I think its really weird when people assume their dog is welcomed everywhere.

A friend did this to us once. Invited over for an afternoon/evening bar b que with some other friends and they bring 2 dogs with them.

It was chaos as as didn't have enough outdoor seating, I'd arranged picnic blankets on the floor for all the kids. But with 2 crazy spaniels bouncing all over them when they were tryin to eat it was a nightmare.

They were quite a new friend and I eventually told her she had to tie the dogs up while we ate or take them home as she clearly wasn't taking the hint of the kids having to keep shoving them off or being jumped on.

She got the right arse but did tie them up and then we found all the dog shit they didn't clear up over the next few days when someone trod in it.

They were never invited back.

emmyrose2000 · 25/07/2018 13:32

However, I presume you knew they had a dog, so I guess they thought it was okay, as you didn’t actually say it wasn’t

if she knows you are dog friendly she would have presumed you would want to meet her latest pet/family member/whatever she calls it.

How ridiculous. So now people have to pre-empt visits of unwanted animals by specifically mentioning if beforehand on the off chance owners are so rude as to bring them?

I know lots of people who own dogs, but none of them have ever been rude or presumptuous enough to just bring them to my house simply because I've never said not to at some random point in the past. If they did, I wouldn't allow it in my home anyway. Maybe I'm just lucky that my friends/family/visitors all have common sense and good manners.

OP, I don't understand why you didn't tell your friends pets weren't allowed in the building as soon as they turned up? Confused I wouldn't have blamed other residents' if they'd complained about it.

Apehouse · 25/07/2018 14:35

We were once invited over by someone who then changed her mind and said it would be better if she came to ours instead since her dog did not like small children. I agreed, adding that my son was allergic to dogs anyway. When she came, she came with the damn dog...

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