to hope that DS, late 20s, will want, finally, to get off the streets?

[Anwen88]

Oldest DS, late 20s, has been homeless unless recently, for a long time. We lost contact when he walked out and from then on did everything we could to find him, to support him (wherever he was) and we always held out hope that he'd come home. During his long absence from us, he moved all over the country and, because of MH difficulties, was hospitalised.

DS was not good to younger siblings growing up and they, sadly but understandably, don't really miss him. DS came back into our lives some months ago - quite by chance.

To jump forward to now - we finally found DS somewhere to stay. A hostel which provides some support and hope for longer term prospects. He's physically and mentally fragile and very vulnerable. Hasn't any fight in him - has difficulty walking and communicating after years of rough sleeping.

Tonight, after only a few nights in this place, we got a call to say that he wasn't there. I am so tired - tired of the years of looking for him - tired of the months of struggling to find him health care and accommodation when he was never in one place at a time. Of forking out for hotels when we have very little money, of buying clothes and mobile phones for DS to find that he's sold or discarded them, Tired of nights recently spent with him in hospital when he was told that any more nights on the street and he might die. Hence the discharge to where he is now. Tired of nights awake, anxious and crying.

Have to be up for work in the morning. DH too - but he's gone off to try to find DS in one of his old haunts and do all he can to get him back to the hostel.

DS, after such a peripatetic lifestyle, finds it so hard to be in a community, abide by rules (which aren't that strict) and to communicate what he wants to anyone.

Just when I thought we'd turned the corner - getting health services involved, a roof over his head, food inside him and sleep - he was completely exhausted - this happens. Waiting with my phone. Dreading a call from DH to say that he can't find him.

AIBU to think that DS, no matter what his state, should try to spare a tiny thought for his mother who is tired, beyond worried and wondering where, after so many months of trying everything humanely possible to house and support him, she goes next?

Thank you all so much for such kind and helpful words. You have giben me home. MrsTerryPratchett - what a wonderful outcome. hooochycoo - I'm going to look up these links. Thank you.

No sign of DS this morning. Police rang in the small hours for more information as a safeguarding alert had come their way. I feel useless sitting here at work but we honestly don't know where he is. I'll leave as soon as possible and search the area where we last saw him, where his hostel is.

I dream of DS coming home but there must be a reconciliation first. His younger siblings have difficult memories. Ironically, at the weekend, I'm going to an event to help me facilitate, by and by, some kind of reconciliation between them, though, ultimately, of course, it must come from the DCs themselves.

DS has attempted suicide before now - and this is clearly top of my mind. That plus the heat and the fact that we left him with not a great deal of money. For reasons that are sound given his addictions.

I'll update later. Thank you again - I'll re-read every message.

I hope you hear about your son soon. It must be very difficult for you. No advice but lots of sympathy.

milkshakeminer and MrsTerryPratchett among others have addressed this so beautifully.

I'm going to remember MTP's phrase: You don't have to rescue him for him to recover.

I posted a similar thread last week and sympathise. I over the years have had the same problem to deal with as my dad isn't interested in him. My sister is stepping in at the moment but we don't speak so it's been pretty tough. Just sending hugs x

What a tough time you've had. I think, though, that you shouldn't push your other children to do anything at the moment. Each of you in the family has had a different experience with your son and while you had the pregnancy and the birth and the happiness of being with him when he was small, it might be that their memories are so completely different and all they have known is pain. It might be too much to ask them to reconcile with him right now.

I'm sorry there are so many families having such a hard time.