Help!!

[ncforadvice99]

My abusive ex has decided that he doesn't like some of my friends and the fact they do recreational drugs when they go out occasionally. Says if he finds out they've been in my home he will ring social services and have me and them drug tested then take my children.
Can he do this 😞 I would never put my kids in danger but surely he can't tell me who I can and can't associate with like this? And yes I'm aware that drugs are illegal but what people do when they're on nights out is nothing to do wth me 😞

I would like to state too that he's also pointed this finger at people who don't do drugs because he doesn't like them

Can he do this No, of course he cant.

No need to tell you not to have drug paraphernalia in your house, nor let your friends use recreational drugs in your house. SS do not have the authority to order random drug tests, and what court do you think is going to order one on your friends?

He's just being a dick. No he can't have you and them drug tested.

Are you or they taking drugs in your home around your children? if the answer is no, social services won't be interested either

I don't know I'm not thinking straight. If he takes me to court I'll happily take a drugs test but he seems genuinely convinced that social services will get involved because I associate with people who do

There are not and never have been drugs in my home

If Social Services are doing random drugs tests now that’s news to me - and I work for them.

SS wont give a toss TBH. Frankly they leave children with drug addled parents, so they wont be overly concerned you have some friends who dabble.

I'm scared to even have friends around in case he turns up and is horrible to them. But he's saying social
Services will back him up and say I can't have anyone who takes drugs at all around my children ever.

He's a control freak. Don't give him access to your house.

Ignore his threats - abusive wanker

He doesn't have access to my house unless the kids open the door. He's made me feel like such a bad mum with his rants today. Thing is he used to have a bad problem with recreational drugs, alcohol and steroid abuse but apparently that is okay cos he doesn't do it now. He also used to sell them 😞

He can say black is blue, and the moon is cheese but it doesn’t make it true.

It’s not true.

Is he still on the mortgage/tenancy? If not, why is he coming round? Do hangovers elsewhere.

I admit, I’d be very upset if I thought there were people who take drugs round my kids.

Nope he can't. He can flag up his concerns. They can investigate. No idea if they can decide if they want to ask for drug testing, I would assume they'd perhaps be able to go to court and request that if an investigation warranted it in their eyes but certainly not on his say so.

Abusive men often threaten women with their kids being removed.

Social services have high thresholds for getting involved - when I split from my abusive ex he wanted them involved... he was told no, they have no reason to get involved.

As a mother I welcomed their investigation, was fully transparent with them over things I do struggle with (mental health) and what I do due to this - e.g. Therapy etc so they made a few calls to my doctor, school, etc and came back saying there are zero safeguarding concerns and it seems like I have appropriate support in place so wouldn't be opening any case.

I know you will worry, but try not to... no reason to

If he were a whiter than white pillar of the community I'd be more likely to listen to him to be fair. But his past is littered with violence drugs and all sorts so I find it very hard to swallow that he judges people who have no kids and dabble on nights out in clubs

Don't let the kids open the door. Put a chain high up.

You really have to establish boundaries.

He has no business coming to your house. If it's to pick up , then get the kids ready and walk them out to the car. He doesn't get to come in, ever.

Thanks for your replies I just got all worked up because he knows exactly how to push my buttons