AIBU to feel torn about having kids?

[Bilbonaggins]

Background: Im 25 and fiancé is 28. We both earn around £30K and bought a house last year. Getting married next spring.

Most of DFs friends are older than me and have young children/babies by now. My best friend (Same age) is pregnant and other closest friend is trying for her first.

DF has been open about wanting children soon and I’ve been starting to get really broody around friends babies/a bit envious of pregnant friends.

However, DF and I are very adventurous and are always planning our next trip abroad and while 50% of me is broody the other 50% adores our freedom and fab holidays. There are so many destinations I dream of us going!

So my question is, has anyone waited to have kids despite being broody? Does the enviousness subside/get worse? Do you regret delaying children to travel etc?

I am really worried that if we wait another few years I will regret it but also feel the same vice versa IYSWIM.

Would love to hear your thoughts

I’d do holidays until you are 27/28 then ttc

Yes you've got time to wait a couple more years.

I’d wait until your 30’s. Most people probably wish they’d done more before kids.

I still torn about having kids, unfortunately Ive got two!
Seriously, whats your hurry, give it afew years and then see how it s.

I'm 33 and have one, and fab holidays bare definitely on the back burner for a few years yet.

No regrets, but I'm very glad I had a mad 20s of travel and partying!

Honestly? You're young, you have money, enjoy it. Lucky you. When you have kids, you will be the one making all the sacrifices for them: you will stop your work or have to cut down hours or something (unless you're one of the only-on-mumsnet rich people who either pay for someone else to do everything or have parents to do it all), you will lose out on career progression while your fiance carries on unaffected, you will be the one doing the bulk of domestic housework, you will be doing all the emotional / social labour with the kids. So don't rush into it all starry-eyed. Tell your fiance if he tries putting any pressure on that he won't be doing the work. You don't have to worry about the biological clock for 10 years yet. Wait and watch your friends get fed up and exhausted.

I went the other way. Children between 19 & 24, and now they are high school and uni age, getting my independence back, and travelling without them- still not even 40 yet!

I don’t see the hurry either - if you’re in two minds, I would wait, you have time. My kids don’t travel well, they visibly relax when they get home, holidays aren’t the same post dc and the relentless pace of responsibility never slackens.

Also, career wise, a couple of extra years if you move up/get better experience can really help your negotiation post dc.

Yep I definitely felt broody around friends babies at a similar age to you. At 25 I was with my now husband but I wasn’t engaged or homeowners and I was adamant I wanted to be married with our own house before we had kids. I am now 32 and have a 14 month old and I’m expecting our second. I am SO glad I waited until we were both ready, financially and mentally, having had lots of lovely holidays and free time together pre babies. From a financial point of view waiting has benefitted is greatly. We own our own home and are comfortable on one wage, which we wouldn’t have been a few years ago. Time is very much on your side here. While I love my son so very much life has changed enormously and I’m glad I got to experience being carefree in my twenties before having him and being tied down by babies for a few years.

You're 25 - book your next holiday

I had my one and only at 36 (have Lovely step kids too) and I am very glad I had my traveling fun in my 20s. Also , I was over my career by the time I was pregnant-any earlier I would have felt I was missing out. I feel very grateful for what I have now and don’t think I would have felt as grateful if I hadn’t have had a lot of years unattached.
The compromises can be huge when kids are involved.
My advice would be to wait another 5 years at least.
And if he wants to have them earlier, ask him whether he is happy to give up work (or do all the drop offs and pick ups at nursery if he isn’t happy to give up work) while you work. It is your life which is affected the most, especially at the beginning, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck whatever you decide

Just want to say:

1. Go on a few more holidays if you want to - enjoy yourself!
2. When you do have babies, it doesn't have to stop you from holidaying - though it does change everything. We have a one year old and we're off on our 3rd holiday abroad this week (although only in Europe) and we've also taken her on 4 UK trips this year. We've had the time of our lives with her!! Yes we'd like to travel further abroad but we can be more and more adventurous as she grows.

Your life will change when you have children, but in lots of ways it will be for the better! I absolutely love holidaying with her and cNt wait to travel further afield when the time is right! Just relax and take your time, I hope everything works out for you

I had my 2 DDs at 27 and 28 and now they're 9 and 11 and lots of my friends are just starting to think about ttc or have tiny babies and I feel very relieved to be past all that and have a modicum of freedom back. However, I've never been particularly adventurous and my sister, who loves to travel and go to gigs etc. is 36 is still dithering about whether she and her partner are going to have kids or not and I worry for her that she's leaving it too late.

You can always have adventures with your children and if you have them in the next few years, chances are you'll have packed them off to Uni by your mid 40's and will be able to do as you please again (or they may well live at home till you retire, but you have to take your chances!).

It's different for everyone, but I know I was incredibly broody and wouldn't have been happy waiting too much longer!

Get some promotions, go on some holidays. Discuss how you will split paid work and parenting if you have DC. Make sure you don’t do more than your fair share of domestics or “wifework” now!

Going to play devils advocate here as I think it's something only you and your DF can decide..... but I love having kids around the same age as my close friends - it means that we're able to do similar things to each other and our kids will have some great friends early on.
Some good friends had their first quite a bit before the main group of friends and found it a little isolating until everyone else started. That said you shouldn't plan your life around your friends it's just something that never occurred to me until we had our DD.

Also not wanting to be negative but you never know how long it might take for you to fall pregnant - you might be lucky and get pregnant at the first try or it could take much longer.

If I were in your position I would plan the holiday of a lifetime as your honeymoon (only going to do it once) then relax and enjoy married life and not necessarily try but not necessarily prevent pregnancy and see what happens.

Also as others have said kids doesn't have to end your holidays as once they are old enough they will be able to enjoy travelling with you.

As you both want kids I think that getting that positive pregnancy test will be a very happy occasion if it's now or 3 years time. All the best.

You're so young! Enjoy married life for a few years and then revisit the question.