To not want to care whether he will end up with less money

[DisabledMumOf2]

So we're splitting up. It was instigated by him by saying he wasn't happy cos we weren't having sex. I'm physically disabled and in a lot of pain so sex is the lowest worry on my mind and I am not a sexual person anyway. The disabled is new but the low sex drive was from the start so its not like I've suddenly changed on him.

Anyway.... Were seperating and I was going to UC and then send him half seeing as we're going to be equally sharing custody of the kids. Now he's complaining that he's going to be worse off. Is it wrong that I don't care? I'm trying to sort out a new house and a new life because he wants sex and 15 years together can apparently be washed down the drain over sex.
I won't lie, since its become official that were splitting up I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me but its just horrible to hear him say things like maybe we should stay together cos its easier, you can sleep in the little room etc knowing that a couple of weeks or so ago he's said he doesn't want me.

So AIBU?

No no no. The child benefit is proof you look after them, nothing more. The benefits go to the resident parent-you. You should get extra for being disabled.
The money is paid to you for your children. It isnt yours or his. You are getting it for the kids.
If you split it then bt dwp standards they could see it as you are claiming single persons uc but are in a couple. A couple have joint money-which this would be. A single person claims by themself for their children. This is you.
Do not split the money from your new claim.

He's not a brilliant dad, a brilliant dad would not be expecting the mother of his children to share her benefits with him

Do not share your benefits. Why is he I. The same bed - can he not have a mattress in the small room? If it’s good enough for you it’s goid enough for him, right.

That should be - why is he in the same bed - and also good, not goid.

Why don't you make an appointment with citizens advice, they'll go through your uc and explain what will happen.

Why can't he get a job?

Sex is a massive part of a relationship, given your dismissal of the subject he’s hardly being unfair. Get legal advice, not MN.

Don't give him any benefits, you were assessed and this is the payment for you to enable you to look after the DCs. He can apply for his own.

But he can also get a job if he needs money.

But don't engage in money conversations with him, he'll be less likely to move and will suddenly want to reconcile.

It’s not unheard of for coparents with 50/50 care to split child benefit. Anything else is yours.

Do not share your benefits, that's insane. He can claim his own.

Why on earth can't he get a job??

OP sorry to hear you are going through this. Firstly. What’s the situation with your current family home, and who is going to have custody of the children? It seems odd you are planning on being the one moving out. Why isn’t he?

You're not being in the least bit U. If a person is not interested in sex then they shouldn't be expected/obliged to dtd. On the other hand, the other person should not be expected to go without. The only answer is to separate so that each gets what they want. So don't let him try to persuade you not to separate - you could carry on like this for a long while - and then you'll separate anyway!

He does work. Full time.

I'm moving out because the house isn't going to be suitable for me as my health deteriorates.

although it annoys me that 15 years comes down to just sex

Well I mean expecting a partner to spend another 30/40 years or however long until he dies without sex would be quite annoying too I imagine.

A healthy sex life is hugely important to me, so I can see why your relationship has broken down because of it. I’m not sure I could stay in a sexless partnership either.

I felt like this at one time, until DH developed a medical problem which meant that sex was not a possibility. We were not old - it wasn't easy, but I loved him and still do, so I live with it. What I do miss is a cuddle - he has never been a cuddly person.

Of course don't give up your benefits.

I don't think you're being fair in your thinking toward him, though. It's perfectly natural to want a sexual relationship with someone.

No no no with regards to your benefits. They are yours as you can’t work! Your exh CAN work so if he wants more money then he can up his hours. He’s just being a lazy sod and wanting you to pay him.

If he’s divorcing you, he divorces your benefits and bank accounts too

As someone said above, the child portion of UC is for you because you look after them. You don't share that.

And when the split has happened keep an eye on how the finances end up divided. You may each feed and house them 50% of the time, but who buys them the computer games they ask for? Who pays for school uniform and trips, and items for hobbies? If he drags his feet on that stuff, stop handing him money.

OK that makes sense

In cases where custody of two kids is shared 50/50, it sometimes occurs that each parent claims child benefits for one of the kids.

However, you need to look at whether he will really manage 50/50 custody while working full time, or whether it's likely that you will end up doing most of the work because you're the one at home.

Yeah that's a good point