am i being unreasonable to keep my son away from another toddler that hits!

[shazza1]

My neighbour and I become quite good friends over the past year recently her toddler is hitting my son constantly when ever they are together. She does not really get told that this is wrong and therefore kept doing it. after having enough of my son being constantly hit/pushed/ hair pulled by another toddler i decided to seperate then for a while. 4 weeks seperation did nothing a the toddler kept hitting and being generally nasty to my son with no discipline at all so decided that this could not go on and i would have to keep them apart. my neighbour got extremely angry about this and we have had a big fall out which is very awkward as we are neighbours but can i really let my 2 year old be bullied by another 2 year old constantly or have i been unreasonble to keep him away? has anyone else been in the same situation?

Its not so much bullying as just being typical two year old - although your neighbour should be showing some discpline IMHO

It really is nastiness which is why I tend to look at it now as bullying because it was done for no reason at all- i understand that 2 year olds will fight and hit but this was every single time we saw them every 5 mins and i could not stand to watch him being hit like it anymore. It wasnt really like a row between 2 year olds it got really bad.

Most, if not all toddlers go through that hitting, biting stage. Your neighbour is in the wrong, she should be teaching her toddler that it's wrong to hit anyone (I bet he hits her, kind of sad when she can do something about it).
I would have mentioned it to her, and if she took it the wrong way or disagreed, then no way would my son be allowed near hers. After all, I don't want my son to learn any bad habits from her son.

If your neigbour won't discipline her child, could you really sternly tell off the little girl if she hits? Or would this make your neigbour even angrier?

i've been in a similar situation in the living arrangement i was in last year for a few months and there was another mom who had a very aggressive 3 year old (my ds was just under 2.5 at the time). this other boy would look for kids to push and hit. he did it to my ds several times i did what i could to NOT let my ds near this other boy; it's not unreasonable. but it may be worth trying to find out if something else is causing that little boy to be so rough and aggressive. i later found out that the boy who was very rough with my son (and other children) had witnessed his mom being beaten up by her partner (his dad) and not just on one occasion :I

I wouldnt tell off another child I do believe it should be the parent. and yes my son did start to pick up a few bad habits and witha nther baby on the way it is the last thing we want.

i definitely wouldn't tell off another child, my son; too, became a bit more aggressive for a small bit of time, but it was ignored by me (even when he bit me on the ass and left marks!!) and he soon calmed back into his little self

Agree that at 2 it's not really bullying. Anyway, the mother should be disciplining her child and teaching them it's not right (giving "time out" etc). You're absolutely right to keep your child away if she makes no effort to stop her child hitting etc.

DS1 was on the receiving end of this sort of stuff but I was happy to let him play with the perpetrator because I knew the mother was doing her best to stamp it out. I was also happy (as was the mother for me to do it!) to chastise the child with a firm "That's not nice". The child in question grew out of it and turned into a lovely girl

if i was to say anything the mother would get extremely angry the child can do no wrong in her eyes. when we all have been around other children he just tends to go for my son none of the others like he has something against him?

she has no time out, she has noo discipline set at all therefore her child does not really no he is doing wrong.

He;s just a familiar target. DS1 always bore the brunt of any attacks.

TBH, she's already angry so what have you got to lose. Tell her exactly and unemotionally why you can't let your children play together.

yeh thats exactly what did happen in the end and she took it awfully and now we just ignore each other in the street! still my son is alot happpier now and I am sure I have done the best by him.

If the mother isn't prepared to do anything, then you've done the right thing. I don't have a problem with small children hitting, biting etc, it's the attitude and reaction of the parent that matters to me.

If you ds is now happier then you have absolutely done the righ thing, most children go through the hitting and pushing stage but when they do most parents tell them off, if this childs mother isnt teaching her child this is wrong then you have to protect your child

its horrid when this happens my ds has been getting the same treatment at nursey although he is getting bit as well! i really thought about taking him out but when you hear him sing he always uses this little boys name in songs etc. I do hope you sort it out x

You have explained why your keeping them apart and if she isnt prepared to discipline her child then you have done the right thing imho. I had the same with a new "friend" i had made via toddler group - my poor ds got beaten up on every visit both here and at their house - his mum made ineffectual threats - i will take your ride on car away that you are riding into cleaninglady's ds's head etc but never actually followed through so i just stopped contacting her only so much we could take!!! oh and my ds has his moments but i think i deal with him firmly and it is getting better......

Soupdragon, thats exactly how I feel, parents who ignor consistantly bad behavior drive me mad. If my ds hits etc, I always make him say sorry, and if he wont, i take him home. I hate to see other parents pretending not to notice, or worse laughing

I think that it is a shame you have fallen out.My little girl who is 2 and half does lots of hitting and pushing and we have lots of strategieis for daling with this. Although it is a phase, it needs to be dealt with. Children are children and you are always going to get this kind of behaviour but as parents it is our responsibility to teach our children another behaviour. As a parent of quite a challenging child, it is soul destroying when she hits children of friends as I feel that I am alone! However, I have to be consistent and take her away. Could you not discuss your concerns with your friend and maybe help her to come up with ways to deal with the behaviour. She might need you right now!!

maybe 2 years after the op it's not an issue any more?????

To me the problem isn't with the toddler - he is only a child afterall and this sounds like pretty normal toddler behaviour that a lot will go through at some stage - but with the lack of discipline from the Mum. that would really piss me off.

We were in a similar situation, we just avoided the fmaily in question for a while, and since we have seen them again recently the mum is much stricter and her little girl much mroe pleasant to be around