AIBU towards myself?

[Wellyboots86]

So, short version. SIngle parent to 2 ds, not through choice xw had affair and buggered off leaving kids with me bulk of the time.

Term time I have groups to take them to etc but they stop in school hols and I have started feeling a lot of “single parent guilt”. They are 2&3 so don’t feel that it’s safe taking them to beach etc on my own in case they’d try to run off in different directions.

As a result it feels like all we do is play in the garden/indoors or go on dog walks to places I know is safe and I’m starting to feel very guilty that they aren’t going on big days out to the zoo, beach etc like they would if I was still with xw. Not got anyone nearby that I can meet up with so that’s not an option.

AIBU in limiting what I do with them for fear of the worst happening? Or AIBU in beating myself up and should recognise that they are perfectly happy playing in the garden even if, too me it feels same old same old?

They're 2 and 3. At that age, playing in yhe garden, trips to the park and walking the dog is all they need. It's boring as hell for the parent who has to do it day in day out, but little ones love consistancy. When they're 6+ they start wanting more "exciting " trips like zoo etc but for now, give yourself a break. They're little. They like simple easy stuff. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Give yourself a break, I have to drag mine from the garden to go anywhere else. We live on the coast and visit all the time. It is nerve wracking taking 2 on your own but possible. We had a big mat and no one was allowed off it on their own. First time they ignored the rules we went home, once they realised I was serious they didn't do it again.

We bought a paddling pool and football goal posts and a sand pit for them at that age - all second hand, you couldn't see any grass in our tiny garden but the kids loved it. A little slide and ball pit were good investments as well and used in the living room on rainy days.

You do need to try and find a way of managing your fears, perhaps reins for the littlest one. Both mine used to like going in the pram. I set the rules every time we went somewhere - no going passed that tree for example. I have trained them, if that's the right word and it did mean leaving places early until they got it. Good luck.

They are so little I am sure they are happy doing the things you describe.

OP you're FINE doing as you are. I had two parents at home but I never got big days out....I remember my childhood as WONDERFUL. My Dad was always in work and there wasn't money for days to the Zoo. My first trip there was with school aged 8.

I promise you that a lovely home holiday with their Mum is all they need...they're tiny! Even if they were bigger, it's still fine.

oh tough ages to have together, don't be so hard on yourself, by next year the older one should be fine and you can do all that other stuff

What you're doing is fine.

Stop beating yourself up. As long as they've got you with them and you're giving them fun things to do in the garden - the sort of thing User5trillion suggest they'll be happy.

Tbh, dragging small children out in this heat - I'm assuming it's as hot where you are as it is here - is no fun for anyone.

How about getting some messier / extra fun stuff for the garden like sand box / paddling pool if you don't have these already? That'll be great for them and a lot cheaper than the zoo. Plus I would always take 2/3year olds to places like that out of school holiday time when they're not so rammed.

Thanks everyone.

I recently bought a nice slide for ds2’s bday and they already have sandpit and paddling pool.

Growing up my dad was always at work so I do count myself very lucky to have as much time with the money as I do.

The mat idea sounds really good user5trillion I’ll try that.

With them not with the money!

Are you on Facebook? Could you create a group to meet up with other parents w toddlers in your local area. Start small with picnic in parks and maybe up it to day trips. There's usually a few spare hand going, thinking on it have you been to your local childrens centre? They often have activities in a safe secure environment some even have gardens and i know they sometimes arrange seaside trips but i think that available spots are first offered to lower income families x

Your doing great, kids want love, water and food in the summer.

Sounds ample fun for that age group to me.

Anyway ime big days out often started off well but ended with 'tears before bedtime'.

They'll get more out of bigger days out in a couple of years or so anyway. Many children don't retain memories from that age.

There was the time I took my then 18m (ish) and 3yo to a large playground. We got there and it was heaving, and the visibility for keeping track of children is quite poor. It was a long time before I went there at anything but the quietest times without someone else to keep watch.

Have a ' tent party ' A sheet over the washing line or draped over a fence with their snack/ sandwich / drink. Being their teddies for extra guests.

Hide things to find.

Go on a bug hunt with a jam jar.