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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fiance and ex keygate

3 replies

MsBagelLady · 23/07/2018 23:33

I am engaged to a lovely man.
My DF/fiance mentions his ex [my friend whatsername] almost every time we are together.
My last man used to talk about his ex every time we were together and I would ask him if he would consider seeing if they could get back together as he was clearly obsessed with her otherwise why would he talk about her so much. I knew about their sex life and possibly every aspect of their relationship. He was a selfish, porn watching, sex obsessed four times a day at least, prick and I left him.
My DF is not like him, he is most certainly a good person...but...
he mentions his friend thingummybob almost every time we are together. She has a key to his house, I have never met her. I stay at his often, 'cat sitting' while he is away working. What would I do if she came in while I was there alone [with the cat] I would clear my drawer and grab my stuff from the bathroom cabinet and get the hell out of there and go home.
As soon as DF told me that she had a key I took mine off my keyring and gave it back, he became most distraught and so I still have a key but the thought of his 'friend whatsername' walking in when it's just me there fills me with dread and uncertainty.
I am 51 in thirty minutes and feel that being this age and engaged for the first time in my life is just a bit of nonsense really even though I am fully aware that he is the best and most beautiful person I have ever known and I do hope to spend the rest of my life with him.
I struggle to communicate how I feel due to having been in three abusive relationships, I don't want any more scars [I have a lot] I know that my lovely DF is nothing like the men I've known before him and I share his vision our future life together.
Am I being unreasonable to ask for her key?

OP posts:
Jamiefraserskilt · 23/07/2018 23:35

Nope. How would he feel if your ex had free run of your house?

Karigan198 · 23/07/2018 23:37

Why does she have a key? I think you guys need to do some talking and boundary setting fast!

HollowTalk · 23/07/2018 23:37

No, you wouldn't be unreasonable. And you should be meeting her, too. If you are both important to him, he should want you to get to know each other.

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