To feel a bit pathetic.

[Happyhippy45]

I suffer from MS and am still recovering from a relapse I had a year ago. Once of the debilitating symptoms I have is brain fog/cognitive issues among other delightful symptoms. It can make relatively simple tasks sometimes become overwhelming because I can't figure things out because I get muddled and have difficulty concentrating.
I also suffer from anxiety and depression albeit relatively high functioning, as in I can get out of bed, shower most days, go to the shops and have relatively normal conversations with people. I go to counselling for this. (There's is a massive back story how I ended up here but I'll save that for another day.)

I got my eyes tested, didn't ask the right questions/kind of got mis sold glasses and ended up paying more than I wanted after I'd asked for the cheapest options. I was meant to speak to them today. The shop was busy. I brought up the subject and it was kind of dismissed "as women having expensive taste" or some shite and not taken seriously. If I was well I would have pursued it but I didn't. I just left. Dh basically telling me what I should have done after the fact....like being scolded/lectured.
Dh asked me to find out some information for him about finding where he can get a copy of the deeds to a flat we have. I found the website but that was about as far as I got as I couldn't figure out what to do. He asked me to phone them and rattled off a list questions to save him time. I tried but couldn't get through and gave up....and tbh wasn't quite sure what I was asking them even though I'd written it down.
Again scolded and lectured. He's grumpy and stressed so I let it slide.
I'm unable to work due to my MS/mobility issues and dh is really overwhelmed trying to keep everything going. He needs me (someone) to do things and I'm not able to do them and it's causing so much frustration on his part because he's so stressed out and frustration on my part because I can't perform how I used to and feel stupid.
He gets irritated with me and just doesn't understand how things like a phone call can be difficult. I've explained so many times the ins and outs of what's going on with me when he asks.
I get upset and cry. I was in tears a couple of times today after I got off the phone to him.
I know my illness makes things hard but I'm really feeling quite pathetic. Like I need a good kick up the arse or something. I try to compel myself to be more assertive etc but I just end up being the same pushover with people.
Sorry it's so long. Just wanted to get it off my chest.

I have MS too, I know it's shit, was just venting to a friend of mine about it, this hot weather is not good for us is it, Gets me in a right muddle and very irritable. You need to get some help, have a chat to your MS nurse. Are you getting PIP?

OP you are not in the least pathetic! You’re trying your best to keep functioning in the face of a disabling illness, and with a complete lack of understanding from your partner.
Could your doctor or a friend or family member have a stern talk with DH to make him accept the limitations of your MS and stop adding to your problems with unrealistic expectations and hurtful criticism?
Sending you a supportive hug, and the hope that your situation becomes more tolerable.

Meant to say you are NOT pathetic, you sound very resilient to me.

Thanks daysofpearlyspencer
Yeah it's a bit shit. Sorry you are suffering too. This hot weather kills me too.
I'm getting standard rate for daily living and higher rate for mobility. I also get ESA.
Unfortunately our financial situation isn't great....another thing I can't manage anymore. I transfer about half of my benefits into dh account for bills and rent etc and the rest I spend on groceries etc.....I've mentioned using some of PIP getting a cleaner but dh says we can't afford one...which is probably correct....so our house is a shit hole.
I muddle through taking care of myself but I could really do with a bit of help with everyday stuff. I hate asking dh for help. It seems like such a chore to him. I do understand a bit as he has loads to do, it just very frustrating.
I know there are a lot worse of than me and since I'm not confined to a wheelchair I'm not being offered any help.

My partner has MS & this heat has been killing him. Please don't be so hard on yourself. From the other side of being with someone with MS, it can be frustrating. I know I feel frustrated sometimes but I don't ever take it out on my partner or lay blame because it's not his fault (not your fault). I think your husband should be a bit more understanding.

@babdoc thanks
Dh has helped me fill out all my assessment forms, come to assessments, helped with appeals and comes to my neurology appointments. So he knows about my condition and how it effects me. I keep asking him if he thinks I'm making it all up when he asks me to do stuff and I can't do it. He gets pissed off when I say that.
It's like he can't handle or accept the fact that I can't do what I used to do.....and makes it all about how much of an inconvenience and hardship it is for him.

Thanks @MuddyMoose
I can understand how frustrating it must be for you and I even understand some occasions when he gets short tempered. I would too!
Though I'd like to think I'd treat him better than he treats me if the roles were reversed. I don't think empathy can be taught

I don’t have MS. I do wear glasses. Without the challenges you have buying glasses is a bloody pain, the number of times I’ve realised I’ve ended up with ones that don’t suit me etc. The only reason I’m ok at it now is that I’ve found lovely opticians that advise me well.

Finding it hard to get things done in the heat (again, remember I’m lucky enough not to have you’re struggles).

Frankly I think you’re awesome for getting to the opticians/getting out of bed etc.

Remember that please

Thanks @SenorViva
Your comment helps.
I suppose I need to applaud myself for the things I can do and not mope about the things I can't.

Yes you do (I say this kindly). It always amazes me what some people cope with, I have huge respect for you.

I wonder if your DH is a bit frightened about your MS, scared that it may progress, and is trying to retreat into denial to cope with it?
If he ignores it, and tries to force you to cope with “business as usual”, he can pretend it’s not happening or is not a problem. Sometimes fear comes out as anger or irritation, and denial is a popular coping mechanism for men, particularly.
It might be worth a chat with him about his attitude to your illness and his fears for the future.

@babdoc
Yeah he definitely has denial going on. He wants business as usual and is disappointed when it doesn't happen. like sex
The look of horror on his face when I was trying out mobility scooters kind of summed it up. Fear and disgust. He does well to cover it up usually.
He tries to understand or gives me the impression he is but he's falling very short. He turns it into all about him and how everything effects him.
He doesn't seem to get that becoming disabled is difficult to cope with and I am scared of how my MS will progress. I have spoken to him about my fears but I don't think he takes it on board.