What would you make of this?

[ThomasinaMouse]

(Possibly relevant info-I have moved recently to my home town after living in my university town for over ten years. I live near a lovely pub.

Yesterday I messaged a friend and asked what she was up to. It was a gorgeous sunny day. I mentioned I might go to the local pub beer garden and have some food, she said she'd come too. It was about 3:15 pm and the pub serves food until 5. She said she'd be about an hour (she's 20 mins drive away).

I got ready and went. It was getting later and later, way past the hour's period she'd said she would arrive in. It got to about half past four and I messaged my DP and said I was still waiting on my own so DP came down. Shortly after, DP said 'Oh they're here' as my friend and her DP had pulled up in the car park. There wasn't any space however so they left the car park and we assumed they'd gone to park somewhere else (plenty of road parking outside the pub).

During the period of waiting I had rang my friend twice, the second time it was engaged (maybe she was trying to ring me at the same time).

At about ten to five I received a message off my friend 'Got there couldnt' see you, I'm home now'.

I was actually quite upset. Surely if you arrive somewhere and cant see who you're meeting, you look, rather than 'ok that's that we'll go'?

She said she tried ringing me so perhaps that's when I was ringing her too but still?

I also can't comprehend she didn't see me. I am quite a flamboyant dresser. I had my back to the car park but DP saw them pull up, we were perhaps 25 yards away, maximum?

I can't help but think there's more to it than this.
I challenged her on it and she said 'I did ring!'
I didn't reply but then she sent another one 'No big deal, I'll see you another time' (no big deal to her perhaps but I think it was unfair to keep me waiting then just beggar off)!

AIBU?

YANBU. That’s strange behaviour. If you’re meeting someone you ring/text if you can’t see them.

Very rude of her to just leave

Difficult to say without knowing her but yes very odd to bother making a 20 minute drive then not looking properly for the person you're meant to be meeting. Perhaps she just had a bit of a hectic day saw the car park full and thought screw it can't be bothered I'm going home. Unless she has form for flakiness I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and let it go.

Not to be putting negative thoughts but did she know your dp was coming? I note you said hers came with her But maybe she was expecting to see you alone and then when saw your with dp decided to leave? But otherwise yeah it would be odd to come all that way and not try and find you.

That is strange behaviour. They'd made it all the way to the pub so you'd think they'd make more effort to look.

Did you get food or was it past 5 by the time they did their about-turn?

That seems very strange. I’d be annoyed too.

If it’s a one off, I’d let it go, but I’d certainly be waiting for her to organise the next get together.

I wonder if she and her DH had an argument or something?

I've just realised I must have the timings slightly wrong as it would have been at least twenty minutes after DP seeing them that she messaged saying she was home (unless she actually wasn't!) but you get the gist.

No, DP wasn't meant to be coming anyway but we didn't discuss it. She didn't ask, I did say 'I' rather than 'we' in the messages but DP came down 'cause I was still waiting on my own. She brought her DP yes, we all get along fine (at least I think we do)!

This might be relevant, when I first moved here I invited her and her DP to lunch at the same pub, they really liked it. Since then they've been there several times and told me afterwards. I found this a bit odd, too. It's my local but it isn't as if I own it however, if they want to be there on their own that's fine I just find it a bit odd to tell me about it afterwards. AIBU about that? Would you'd invite me OR just go and not mention.

I ordered food with a few minutes to spare lemon . One reason I was ringing was to see if she wanted me to order for her too.

Yes, nona something has happened I think. I can't help but think 'Couldn't see you' was the only reason. It's a one off in this type of situation but she has done similar things (letting me down) in the past.

Definitely not organising any more meet ups, I'll leave that to her.

This might be relevant, when I first moved here I invited her and her DP to lunch at the same pub, they really liked it. Since then they've been there several times and told me afterwards. I found this a bit odd, too. It's my local but it isn't as if I own it however, if they want to be there on their own that's fine I just find it a bit odd to tell me about it afterwards. AIBU about that? Would you'd invite me OR just go and not mention.

This part I'm think YABU, why is it odd to tell you they went to the pub for food just because it's near you?

Regarding the OP, it does seem a bit odd alright, maybe they had an argument in the car and weren't in the form for company after all or something? Seems weird otherwise why they would drive all the way there but not stay, I mean even if they genuinely couldn't find you why wouldn't they just go in and eat by themselves?

I don’t think them going to that pub alone is particularly odd. Couples are entitled to time on their own and as you say it’s not your pub .

The only reason I can think of for not turning up and not saying why is a blistering row in the car on the way there.

Stuff happens, people miss eachother. Get over it and move on. Let her arrange something next time - and do go.

trinity okay, I guess I was looking forward to being back near old friends and would have hoped they would have liked to see me when they're at the end of my street. But anyway, that's an aside and I accept IABU there.
And yes, I agree on the second part. You'd go in, find a seat and hope to see me. I don't think she could have genuinely thought I wasn't there (IF she didn't see me which I still find hard to believe).

This might be relevant, when I first moved here I invited her and her DP to lunch at the same pub, they really liked it. Since then they've been there several times and told me afterwards. I found this a bit odd, too. It's my local but it isn't as if I own it however, if they want to be there on their own that's fine I just find it a bit odd to tell me about it afterwards. AIBU about that? Would you'd invite me OR just go and not mention.

As others have said this isn't odd at all, I'd probably mention it if I liked a place a friend had recommended and had been back with my DP. (I wouldn't mention it if I'd been with mutual friends and not invited you though).

I would be pretty angry about this - when people are SO late it essentially means they don’t value your time. It’s disrespectful. Bullshit that she didn’t even get out of the car to have a look either, especially if she supposedly drove 20 mins to come to you. More likely she and her DP found something else they’d prefer to do and made a quick pit stop so you would see they had been there.

I think that' s much more likely too sausagerolls. I'd rather she had just told me she'd changed her mind! Very odd to turn up then leave I thought.

I usually find that things which seem completely mental and have no logical explanation are lies, which you can’t see behind and therefore seem nonsensical. Like this situation. Definitely a lie here somewhere.

That's a very logical theory sausage. Her saying 'It's no big deal, I find so ignorant!', yes actually my being kept waiting and waiting to see someone for lunch as they confirmed they would is a big deal, thank you.