To make dd wear her seatbelt on the school coach next year?

[ItCouldBeAnyoneInHere]

My two dds attend a school about an hour away from where we live. They get the school coach there and back.

Dd1 is 15 and has just finished year 10, Dd2 is almost 12 and has just finished year 7. There are 5/6 other girls in their respective school years on the same coach.

Dd1 has always been a very sensible child, the sort who isn't interested in breaking the rules just for the sake of it, is happy to do stuff by herself, isn't interested in conforming to peer pressure etc.

Dd2 is very sweet but is far more interested in fitting in than dd1.

My issue is that, on the school coach, it isn't considered 'cool' to wear your seatbelt. Dd1, who has been taking the coach for 4 years now, isn't at all bothered by this and wears her seatbelt anyway. Dd2, on the other hand, started out wearing her seatbelt, like all the year sevens do, but (according to dd1), every year they soon realise that the older kids aren't wearing theirs so stop.

When dd1 saw that dd2 wasn't wearing her seatbelt, she told me, and I told dd2 that I didn't care if the other girls didn't wear theirs, she wasn't to do the same. She has therefore been wearing her seatbelt this year (dd1 would have told me if she wasn't).

However, it's now the summer holidays and dd1 is away for 2 weeks on a language camp, so I've been spending some one to one time with dd2. Last night she got quite emotional and was saying how unfair it was that she has to wear her seatbelt just because she has such an 'uncool' older sister, how embarrassing she finds dd1, and how the other girls in her year make fun of her from time to time for wearing her seatbelt.

It's just making me wonder whether I'm being unfair on her for making her be different from her friends, when she clearly wants to fit in as much as possible. Should I just accept that kids don't wear seatbelts on the coach? Or AIBU to say she has to continue to wear her seatbelt next year?

On our school coach, contracted by the school, the driver has absolute authority over her young passengers. The rule is back to back and seat to seat,ie sit on your seat and sit up straight on it. Seatbelts must be worn. And no shouting/throwing things etc. Kids don't obey the rules? Reported to school when the bus arrives and parents are contacted to pick up for the return trip and not allowed back on the bus til next term.

So, bus has to brake suddenly/whatever - who carries the can for responsibility for injury etc? The driver,is who.

Of course she, and the others, should wear their seatbelts! Just as they have to in any other vehicle.

Fucks Sake
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I'd speak to the school or coach company about it. If there was an accident they'd be in deep shit!

I can understand why Dd2 is upset, but she needs to wear her seatbelt alongside her peers. They are lifesaving bits of kit. We never had this problem at our school after I was in y8 a lovely boy was in an RTC in a coma for months and now has brain damage. He does assemblies more than 10yrs later.

I think you need to contact the bus company and school. They need a hard line.
No belt no bus. End of story

Its the law.

Take it up with the school and insist that staff ensure seat belts are worn

www.gov.uk/seat-belts-law

I absolutely agree that she should wear her seatbelt, however as a separate issue I disagree with your dd1 telling you everything dd2 does. At her age dd2 needs to make her own decisions (and mistakes) and it isn't fair for dd1 to be watching and reporting back to you.

OP I read your post with my mouth hanging open.

Are you seriously asking if you are being unfair telling your daughter to use equipment which could save her life?

Sit down with her and google “coach crashes” and videos of what happens when you aren’t wearing a seat belt.

This isn’t about have the latest fashion in back pack or hairstyle, this is her safety! You need to work with her on applying some critical thinking to “should I follow the crowd”. Would you be happy if she took drugs or drink drove in future just because everyone else did?

Personally I’d solve the issue by reporting to both the school and the coach company that pupils are being allowed not to wear their belts and remind them of the relevant laws and and responsibilities.

My colleague has a friend who was in that dreadful coach crash in France a few years back (British school trip abroad sort of thing). When he was able to speak to him (he'd been one of the parents travelling on the trip) he told my colleague the ones who had survived/uninjured had been wearing their belts. I think the coach turned on its size and slid along the motorway or something like that. It might be an idea to tell your daughter a story like this or even show her some news reports of coach crashes so she inderstands there are more important things than looking cool.

I thought it was the law that all coach passengers ahve to wear a seatbelt if one is provided? I would definitely take it up witht eh school and coach company as they need to be enforcing this regardless.

I understand that kids want to be cool and fit in so the school and coach co should be taking a very very firm stance on this.

You would be better to speak to the school and the bus company.

The kids could be spoken to in school, and the bus company could, possibly, take sanctions against those who consistently refuse to wear the seatbelt.

In reality, that is the only approach that might have a chance as neither you nor any school staff will be present with the kids if it is the transport to school bus.

I didn't get this issue with my DDs. One went to school on a public bus, so it had no seatbelts. The other two went to a different school but their double decker school bus also had no seatbelts.

Two things YANBU to insist DD2 wears a seat belt. Work with her on her self esteem so she arrives at this decision herself.

YABVU to use DD1 to police this and encourage tale telling. Next time DD1 reports to you, you need to shut her down and stop the power games in their track.

Sorry I ranted off first thing, OP, but I was so appalled by what I was reading.

And another take - well done DD1 - if she hadn't told you, you wouldn't have known would you?

But now you do, it's time for action for next year, both from the school and the coach company. So tell them!

All the kids should be wearing their seat belts! Agree with PPs, the schools/bus company needs to clamp down.
I see atrocious behaviour on the school buses round my way. An accident waiting to happen. They've been reported many times as far as I am aware (bus drivers too!)

When I was school age and needed to get the bus nobody wore the seat belt, not even the younger ones 🤷

St James's school coach crash. Three children died. That is why coaches are fitted with seatbelts now. Their names were Keith, Robert and Nicola.

But yeah, it's unfair and uncool.

When I was school age and needed to get the bus nobody wore the seat belt, not even the younger ones

When I started school, car seatbelts weren't even mandatory. Child car seats didn't exist.
That we survive unscathed was luck. (And less traffic)

But, fortunately, understanding of risk and means of reducing risk improve.

Surely it's up to the driver to ensure they are wearing them so it isn't seen as 'uncool'

It’s not cool to die in a bus crash either, really, is it?

I agree with PP though, this is something the driver should be enforcing so I’d have a word with the school if the coach is put on by them.

Don't let your older daughter tell on her sister to you, you need to tell dd2 to wear her seatbelt but if she chooses jot to follow the rules, you shouldn't have dd1 spying.

Yes it is embarrassing. But a lifetime of embarrassment can never be as bad as the minuscule risk that the coach crashes and you are dragged along the road through the broken windows as it skids, being hideously injured or killed in the process.

Talk to the coach company and the school. And stop letting your older child tell tales on the younger one.