To worry about MIL and SIL?

[AjasLipstick]

It's complicated but to cut it short, MIL lives alone and FIL lives with SIL. They own two houses.

SIL has a small child and seems to boss FIL about as though his house were in fact HER house. We see her snap and grump at him despite his health being dodgy.

The other day MIL came round and SIL sat in the car outside because her child was asleep.

MIL didnt' stay long ...she was just picking something up...but standing on my lawn she suddenly burst into tears :( and said she wished her relationship with SIL was better and that she was trying to talk SIL into counseling with her because it upset her that they didn';t get on better.

MIL cares for SIL's child three days a week so SIL can work part time and MIL is 72 and still works 3 days herself.

I feel worried about both FIL and MIL if I am honest as SIL seems to be a weight round their shoulders and she's NEVER happy. Walks around agressively and grrumpy all the time. She loses patience with her child very easily too.

What can DH and I do though? We live an hour away from them.

Do you know why SIL is like this with her parents? Has she always been grumpy? Can your DH shed any light on the situation (I'm presuming it's his DSis and not your DBrother's DW). I ask because it's difficult to comment without knowing any details.

Sorry, been up since 3 … of course it's DH's sister.

I think your dh must know more details op. Why do his parents live apart?

So MIL and FIL are divorced and SIL still lives or has gone to love with her father, with her mother doing childcare?

Any idea why she living with her Dad?

Can your husband not talk to his sister about her attitude to their parents?

Blimey! So many questions.

Why is the living arrangement the way it is? Or is that the complicated bit?

I would say if Fil and MIL are still 'together' maybe DH could have them over and talk it through to see if there is a way that you could help them?

They are obviously not able to confront her or tell her they are unhappy with the way things are. A 72 year old working 3 days and providing childcare 3 days is v unreasonable. Although if SIL can't see that, I don't imagine it will be that easy to challenger her.

What is DHs relationship like with his sister?

Well I didn't think it relevant that MIL and FIL don't live together. They're married still but chose to live separately...MIL said it meant they got on better and she chose to move out into their other house about 15 years ago.

They've been fine since!

Unorthodox but works.

DH says their childhood was normal and happy. No idea why SIL lives with FIL...his house is bigger though...

DH doesn;t get on with SIL very well because she's so aggressive and rude.

It's relevant to know if they did it specifically to help SIL, not as a judgement on their relationship.

Honestly she needs to grow up but if no one is prepared to talk to her I don't see what else you can do tbh. DH or yourself willing to step up and speak to her or back up either parent to talk about it with her?

Sleeping I don't think so no. She's almost always lived at home though. She left briefly in her twenties...less than a year...then came back. She's 48 now. It's obviously an unhealthy dynamic and I think they must worry about her not being more independent....but what can you do? They'd never throw her out.

Is she older than your DH? Just that I'm older than my DSis, and if you asked her, our DParents are great and childhood was happy … I see it completely differently. Has SIL got issues with them that your DH never had?

She is older but only by a year...so their experiences were mirrored more or less. PILS are very lovely from what I can see.