AIBU to want to give my MIL's head a wobble

[Lolipop44]

Soooo my MIL has been diagnosed with COPD she can hardly breath or walk she's constantly echausted but still smokes like a chimney.

I know smoking is an addiction and must be very hard to quit especially after smoking for as many years as she has but she's constantly moaning she's unwell she's at the doctor's every other day but won't even try to quit smoking. We've brought her a vape patches pretty much everything on the market to help het quit she won't even try any of them. When we talk to her about it she gets nasty. We took her out to a pub for lunch which is a 2 minute walk she had 2 stop every couple of steps then on one of her stops struggling 2 breath she lit a fag

She comes round every week for tea but i can't eat with her anymore and DC are the same she's constantly coughing and rattling it sounds gross and just puts me off eating

She gets upset she's ill she has 7 grandchildren who she says she won't get to see grow up and expects sympathy but i just can't give her it anymore because although the COPD will never go away she could improve her quality of life by quitting.

Spent an hour with her yesterday she smoked 7 fags. My DH just loses his rag with her I'm the calm one but even i want to scream at her

WWUD?

It's her life. If she can't quit to save her own life then she can't. I would see the addiction as part of the disease. It might make it better to handle for you. My FIL died of copd. It's a horrible way to go, I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone.

I would do nothing, because there’s nothing you can do. My mother is less unwell but similar, had surgery last year for a smoking-related condition, can barely walk to the end of the street without huffing and puffing but she’s still on the fags and always, always will be. Even the fact that her children and grandchildren will have to watch her die a slow miserable death is insufficient motivation to quit. Really pisses me off (especially since I quit smoking cold turkey a few years ago and didn’t find it nearly as bad as I expected) but what can you do?

It's sad but you can't do anything and getting annoyed with her will just taint what time she does have left.

I speak from experience. Be nice to her.

If it was easy for smokers to give up then no one would be addicted I guess. I’ve never smoked but have known people who have been desperate to give up and the struggle is awful. I agree with seeing addiction as part of her condition. My uncle died of COPD and also couldn’t stop smoking. The frustration is awful but I think you have to accept that if she could give up she would.

If it's already that far progresses then stopping will only bring limited if any benefit. I'd start driving her to the pub.

COPD wont improve, the damage is done. She might as well keep smoking.

Craxy isn’t it op. Nothing you can do though as it’s her choice. Don’t let your dh get angry with her it’s pointless.

I get the gross coughing and eating that’s hideous.

My MIL died from COPD. The damage was done years ago.

It's incredibly difficult to give up smoking.

She's not doing anything to help herself is she...

I absolutely believed I couldnt possibly stop smoking... Heavy smoker for 20+ years... Until I had emergency appendectomy and couldn't get off ward to smoke... By day 3 I didn't have cravings.... That was years ago..

Amazing the number of people who kid themselves....
Until their first heart attack or diagnosed with mouth cancer...

At the end of the day only SHE can make the decision to change. You can't force her.

The damage is done, but quitting smoking may help keep her COPD from getting worse.

Sadly, the only way she might be "forced" to quit would be for her to get to a point where she requires oxygen therapy. You absolutely CANNOT smoke on oxygen because you could set yourself on fire and/or blow yourself up.

My friend smoked on oxygen therapy

Simple, turn oxygen off, remove face mask, light fag ......

Thank you so much for everyone's replies.
I'm so sorry for those who have commented to if lost a loved one due to this.

It is frustrating because she could at least not smoke 7 fags in an hour it's frustrating when she gets so nasty ti anyone who says anything and it's frustrating she mosns so much but knows we can't do anything about it.

She really is a lovely lady and it's just so hard to sit back see her going through this and not being able to change anything.

Went out with DH last night and we talked about it as we regularly do and i have forwarded your advice on....we can't change it but lets just support and love her as hard as it might be sometimes.

Again thank you

Autocorrect is a nightmare 🙄 hope the above makes sense

It’s always going to frustrate you to see her puffing her way through all those cigarettes. It’s bound to, because it IS totally frustrating and hard to see. The anger she shows when she’s challenged seems to indicate that she knows you are totally right, and also anger and frustration with herself because she just can’t stop. It’s so hard for all of you. I hope that trying to accept this situation as another aspect of her condition helps a bit and knowing that as you are powerless to make her stop, to allow yourself to stop trying and step back and try to enjoy the time you have with her as much as possible. I can totally understand how offputting the mealtime hacking must be.