To say no to his requests?

5 replies

AnotherWickedWitch · 23/07/2018 11:22

I have changed my name so as not out myself completely.

I have a 7yo DS. His DF left before he was 2 and has been a part of his life for the last 4 years. He was a bit controlling when we were together. He was seeing DS every Sunday until about 2 years ago when he took him away for 4 days. DS had, until then, refused to stay overnight. Contact then changed to 2 Sunday's, a whole weekend then a weekend with me. This had been working OK with a couple of changes to accomodate family gatherings, holidays etc on both sides. Last year, when they got back, DF asks if he can take DS same time next year. I said he could take him but I had booked a week away with a friend and wasn't 100% sure on the dates so I would let him know so he could book around it. Next thing I know, he emails me Confirmation of his week away with DS, same dates as last year. Fortunately (or unfortunately) we come back on the 4th and he wants him from the 6th. He's meeting up with friends so now wants him on the 4th evening so he can drive up to friends, stay in a hotel so they can meet on the 6th early. I said no, we are not back until 22.00hrs on the 4th at the earliest. So he says he will collect him at 7am on the 5th. Again I said know DS needs to sleep sometime. AIBU?
Just to add a bit more context. In February, I arranged to go to my sister's for half term. 1st weekend was his father's and the last one was mine. So he asked to switch. It wasn't a problem so we did. In April, he asked to switch my weekend to the beginning as it was his birthday. Again not a problem so we did. Again in May for his DFs birthday and in June to collect his sister from the airport. Did not have a problem with it so swapped. Our holiday was planned around my weekend so as not to stop contact. This month is our holiday, he has known about it for a year and my sister's 40th so we switched his weekend to the beginning of July (first time I have asked to switch). He has him for the weekend and then doesn't see him the next weekend so he can collect his niece and BF from airport. He saw him last Sunday but won't see him until he goes away.
So (Just in case you have forgotten , I have) AIBU to say no? I just feel he is trying to control me and DS, trying to disrupt our social lives.q

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 23/07/2018 11:30

Do you want him to remain flexible about swapping weekends or do you want it to descend into tit for tat “digging in of heels”?

AJPTaylor · 23/07/2018 11:31

seems reasonable. to me. his plans are not set in stone/flight dependent. just say midday on the 5th he is able to come.

SoupDragon · 23/07/2018 11:31

The only time I ever say no is if it actually really matters.

Singlenotsingle · 23/07/2018 11:33

Does Ds want two holidays back to back with no down time?

Original poster

AnotherWickedWitch · 23/07/2018 22:39

Sorry internet went down.
Soup dragon. I do want him to be flexible for DS's sake. I don't want him to miss out.
He seems to want to change arrangements for the sake of it or to cause problems. I did for get to mention that because he didn't see DS so he could collect his niece from the airport, he said he was having him (didn't ask, told me he was) last weekend which he knew was the closest weekend to my sister's 40th birthday and so her party. It does matter as it means DS will get very little sleep. He needs his sleep or he is irritable, grumpy and uncontrollable. Not the best idea in the back of a car for hours.
AJP he will be on my doorstep at 7am if I agree to the 5th. He has done this before. I said yes but not before 11am and he was banging my door down (literally) at 8am.
Singlenotsingle. He is excited but doesn't really understand that he will be away again almost as soon as he gets back.

OP posts:

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