to ask you what you think of my "asking for a job email"

[User778]

I have namechanged for this. Also blanking out some details as I think some friends might be on here. Hope it still makes sense though.
Appriciate any constructive advice and comments.

I am writing to ask if you have, or are likely to have, any vacancies at your business.

I am currently studying for a Diploma at xxx. I am an xxx enthusiast and have a great interest in cutting edge modern brands like x, y and z to name a few. I have been manufacturing various soft furnishings and homeware accessories using contemporary fabrics and materials.

As you will see in my curriculum vitae, I have considerable experience in xx. My roles and responsibilities gained through working with various x and y has allowed me to gain valuable experiences including accurate record keeping, time management, organisation and planning.

Whilst I enjoyed working in x in the past years I am now looking forward to challenge myself in a new work environment. My interest towards xxx showed me the way to change career path and pursue my dream of working in the xxx. I also have some experience working for x as a x consultant. I thoroughly enjoyed working with such a prestigious brand and by completing some of their x training I feel even more confident giving advice to clients about x.

I have enclosed my CV and a small portfolio of my xxx work.

It would be a sincere pleasure to hear back from you.

Sincerely ,

Right I am very sorry if it's difficult to read but I am a tad bit paranoid that certain people find out that I am searching for jobs

If you know they have no vaccancies advertised then say as much in the email (shows that you have checked at least) but you hope they will keep you in mind as and when vaccancies do arise. Make a bigger deal about what value you can bring to the company, what is your unique selling point that other job applicants dont have. Can you see anything that needs to be fixed / changed / improved within the company and if so is that something you can do? (Fixed probably is not the right word but I hope you understand what I mean) If you can bring about tangible changes that will be profitable for the company that will make them more inclined to hire you or even create a vacancy for you if they are not currently hiring. NB do NOT talk about changes the company needs unless YOU can do them. I would take out your dream xxx part and having more confidence but say the reason I want to work for your company is to blah blah (further yourself/make a difference/become the best in xxxx field/etc.) Basically say what you value the company for while highlighting how you will add further value to the company. You can add in a section based on your experience/consultancy/training to higlight this.

In summary, I would break it down as follows:

1st paragraph: introduce yourself, passionate about xxxx with yy years of experience in zzz area and training in abc of relevant.

2nd paragraph: why you want to work for the company (this is where you tell them how amazing they are, best in the area/making a difference/etc.) Do they push their employees to achive the best results, how will this company allow you to challenge yourself?

3rd paragraph: how you can add value to the company. Your unique selling point. What you can do to improve the company/make it more profitable/efficient/etc. Higlight your experience over yy number of years again. Make them want to hire you.

Finish as described above.

Best of luck!

PS you do need to know the company that you are applying to in order to pull this off, you cannot send a generic email to each company. This is really true for 2nd paragraph in the format above; sell that you know the company inside out and you know you can provide benefit to them. Otherwise cold emails will not work. Hope that helps.

Don't say I am writing. Obviously you are. It makes you look stupid. Just get straight to the point.

I got offered a couple of jobs this way,if you don't ask you don't get and all that

Please for the love of God don't send that email, it's like something my retired dad would send after reading a 1982 written book on how to get a job from the library!

Fix up the grammar.

Look at their vacancies first and reference them with specifics ("I see you have a Widget Supervisor vacancy, will there be any Widget Maker roles opening up in the next few months?").

Tailor truly speculative applications road person. Tell them what YOU can do for them - they do not give two hoots about your dream ("I see you soon Widget Maker of the Year at last month's regional awards, and have plans to expand - I have qualified in bespoke widget making and visit the X branch regularly since it opened two years ago. Moreover, we covered Widget Making with Whatsitmabobs on my course which we both know is going to be really prominent because of your partnering with Wgatsitmabob Ltd last year on the Alpha Project.")

Then stick in a short but about contact details, and stress your flexibility (available for a brief phone chat or more formal interview application).

And get your social media locked down or beefed up (depending on the platform).

I sent speculative cover letters with my CV out to lots of places when I was looking. I was surprised how many responded politely even when they had nothing and some places kept my cv on record as I was contacted by a couple of places when jobs came up. I can't see any harm in it so go for it. I was offered interviews with this approach but they took a little too long to come through so if you aren't in a rush you may find it more successful.

I would say it sounds a bit like a list of hobbies at the start of the letter but the redactions may mean I'm miss reading it. I would put info on relevant work related experience first followed up by personal interest but only if relevant.

I'd give it a go personally, all they can do is say no!

I can't tell from that letter what sort of job you are actually asking them for. I would say you need to get to the point much sooner, and focus more on what you can do for them rather than what you have done

I'd be wary of including this

I thoroughly enjoyed working with such a prestigious brand and by completing some of their x training I feel even more confident giving advice to clients about x.

Would I want someone advising my clients when they'd only completed part of a course?

I think it sounds flowery, sorry. They dont want to know your dream

I'd second this.

Sadly, it's not a firm's obligation to help you chase your dream.

Switch it around: what could you offer them in terms of concrete experience, skills, knowledge?

Is your diploma an industry recognised one? (Not one of those "Become a copy writer in just 6 easy study at home lessons" sort of thing that you find in the back of magazines).

Maybe it's just m, but your I have been manufacturing various soft furnishings and homeware accessories using contemporary fabrics and materials makes me think of all the awful "craft" and "home-made" stuff on eBay ... Can you phrase this in a way that suggests expertise & excellence, not "hobby I want to make into a business"?

Sorry, I know this sounds tough, but trying to help you sharpen up your email.

Just write Cv and revise the grammar. But also i would say its fine to email companies and ask. I have actually gained 2 jobs by asking the companies direct when they havent been advertising.

Most industries have specific recruitment agencies specialising it that area.

I would look up some working with companies in locations you would be prepared to work.

I would send this to them to get on their books and known.

Also it sounds a little flowery. It would be a pleasure to hear back etc. You should be telling them why they should be getting jn touch. What you can offer them.

At the moment it sounds like it would be more beneficial to you then them if you heard back.