To be worrying daily about dying

[SundayFunday23]

Every day, at some point, and sometimes more than once, I have this fear of dying come over me all of a sudden. It's not the actual dying I'm scared of but leaving my young son (and any other children we might have) behind. It literally makes me feel winded, my chest feels tight and I feel weak/legs like jelly. It's particularly bad late at night.
Is this normal? Do most mum's worry to this extent??! It's really horrible.

I have an autoimmune disease which I guess is an added stress but not life limiting.

Poor you, this sounds like death anxiety, google it. Stacey Solomon has this. I would go to the gp. Good luck babes!

It's not unusual to think "what if" occasionally. But it isn't usual to think like this every day and so strongly. It sounds like anxiety and I think a visit to the GP would be in order.

I have this op and it's horrible and terrifying. I take sertraline for general anxiety issues and this has helped with my death anxiety. That feeling winded mmoment started to turn into panic attacks so it is better to speak to your gp now.

Thanks for replying ladies. It's horrible and I wasn't sure if it was just something that happens when you have kids (like mum guilt or similar).
My step sisters mum died of leukomia when she was 18 months old and I often think of how she must have felt in those final weeks, knowing she wouldn't see her daughter grow up, or be there when she needed her. Just horrific.

@donttouchthemoustache it's so horrible isn't it. How did you know when to go to the GP? I'm glad it's helped you out some x

I had this.

I had CBT that really helped. Also i put measures into place to lessen the blow if i did die or dh did.

I got our wills done, got life insurance and critical illness cover. We are also in the process of getting power of attorney done so that everything is not such a mess if we pass away.

When i did CBT we went through letting go of worries about situations that we havent got any control over.

@bakerbear yes I think part of the problem is I'm a control freak. I also worry as my husband is from another country and I wouldn't want my son being brought up there, although we have agreed they would remain in this country if something were to happen to me. I'm worried if I go to the gp they'll just pass it off as me being over the top.

It’s a valid fear in many ways - we know our children need us and our instinct is to do everything we can to rear them to independence.

However you are clearly letting it become a catastrophic thought that is causing undue anxiety. CBT would help

I have this although mine is at least partly due to PTSD from dd's birth earlier this year. That was then compounded by two two week referrals neither of which, thankfully, turned out of be cancer. I'm having counselling and hypnotherapy which is helping a bit. As soon as I stop breastfeeding, I'm going to dose myself up with antidepressants.

My mum said that she had this when her children were young. And I know other mums who have this too - particularly mums who have a child or children who are particularly reliant on them and no-one else or mums who have had bad births or other health related worries. I know CBT has worked for some of them.

You aren't alone. It will get better. Xxx

No, you are not at all unreasonable to be worried about dying..I used to get really panicky about it too [my own mum died when I was 2 yrs old and it did have an impact on my life]
But when my DS was young, I made plans and wrote a will so that he would be looked after...that is all one can do, really as no one has any control over the future..
It is a great relief when DC's reach independence, and I found the fear eased considerably then.
Most people get anxious about dying though...usually if one has seen a friend of a similar age die...and usually at 2.30am!

Health anxiety is more common than you think but can absolutely take over your life and I am talking from experience. At my worst I wouldn’t go anywhere where I wasn’t sure an ambulance could clearly reach me, I even had the plans to my university campus and if a lecture was in a room without easy access or upstairs with no lift I wouldn’t go!!
Please go and speak to your GP they will be very understanding and there are different psychological therapies as well as pharmacological treatments. For me I found a mixture of medication, CBT, Meditation and self help helped me get it under control. I recommend the book ‘Self help for your Nerves’ by Dr Claire Weekes and the site no more panic for support and further reading and self help tips. Sending much love your way xx

Thanks for responding ladies. lorelai that's really interesting because I had an horrific birth which resulted in a 3rd deg and being separated from my son straight after birth for several hours whilst I was stiched back up. I honestly can hardly remember any of it and from first contraction to birth was just under 48 hours so I've literally lost hours. Maybe there's a link there.

Re: Mums who know they are seriously ill...Dad told me that when the ambulance came for mum, that she said ''
''[my name]....I will never see her grow up''..and she must have said goodbye to me, It must have been terrible for her.
My memories are very shady, but it is meant to be easier to lose a parent when one can express the grief better..toddlers and babies sense the loss but don't understand it.
I think of her so often...but motherless children exist the World over.

Have you considered before whether you might have PTSD? PTSD can change your belief systems so that rather than believing that dying young is a remote possibility, you start to believe that it's likely. Hyper vigilance is another symptom - so constantly checking and wanting reassurance as to your own health.

Those are the main two symptoms that I suffer from. I'm considering trying EMDR which can be very good for PTSD if hypnotherapy doesn't work.

Maybe have a look online at the symptoms and see if they ring any bells?

After your update OP it definitely sounds like you have some element of PTSD which could definitely contributed to your anxiety now. EMDR is a brilliant therapy for this and I would totally recommend. It isn’t always available through your GP though so it may have to be looked into privately. Though the good thing with that is you often do not need many sessions.

I was just scrolling through mumsnet trying avoid a panic attack about dying and came across this post!

Worriedupstairs neighbour...The 'dying'fear can kick in very young...I had it terribly as a child...so much so that I became terrified of lying down at bed time [believed that people only died if they lay down flat]..It is a very real fear while it is happening, but is really akin to a panic attack, and as such can be eased by breathing out very slowly, putting on the radio, distractions, and even talking about it to other people..My stepmum was rather 'unsympathetic' and said ''Don't be silly! we all have to die, for goodness sake'' , which wasn't massively helpful! :)

I have this it makes me feel like the walls are closing in on me. I just can't handle the thought of not existing ever again or being part of the world forever and ever.

@oakleaffy really appreciate your message thank you

@Worriedupstairsneighbour, thanks to you for bringing up a topic that many have angst about.
Pipeup, Re ''Not existing'' none of us knows what happens when we die.
But one odd thing happened years ago when I was staying overnight with a friend who had recently lost her ex husband.
I had a very vivid ''hyperreal'' dream that there was a knock on the door, so went to answer it, and there was her ex husband at the door, looking like he did when younger, healthy and smiling.
Surprised, I said ''[name] , I thought you were dead??''
He replied, ''I am''
I asked ''What is it like??!''
He smiled and said ''I can't tell you that, but just wanted to let you know I am ok''...he smiled again and disappeared.

Was it ''just a dream''?

I get this feeling now and again. I'm scared of leaving my four children and partner. And the knowledge that death is so final. Once we die, we will never see each other ever ever again.

But we have to put it in perspective, we're here to live life, not waste every day worrying about dying.
And if there is an afterlife, then great. If there isn't, then you won't even know you're dead, so no point worrying about it.
I personally believe there is something after death.

I've literally just posted the exact same thing OP. You're not alone.