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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is BU about this? Fairly lighthearted

25 replies

MrSpock · 22/07/2018 17:51

Pregnant with twins. We haven’t told many people yet.

DP wants to not tell anyone it’s twins and surprise them at delivery. I think this is silly because I feel like it’s jinxing the pregnancy, that I have to be deceitful, and that I can’t enjoy the pregnancy and that I have to hide it. I also don’t want a surprise at the birth because I like to have everything planned, and people being surprised would just annoy me and make me feel irritated.

DP thinks I am being a spoil sport and ruining the fun. He has said that it’s fine if I don’t want to do this as he knows I feel anxious but now I’m worried I may be just being grumpy.

Am I just a miserable bastard or is he being silly?

OP posts:

Suffraduck · 22/07/2018 17:53

I agree that it would be hilarious playing jokes on people when they come to meet “the baby” - but pretending and hiding it throughout pregnancy sounds massively stressful so sadly I don’t think I’d bother!

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/07/2018 17:54

Not sure how you be able to hide it. Surely you'll be larger than normal and you'll have to buy a twin pram etc. Not sure you'd want to spend the rest of your pregnancy hiding something that may mean you need extra support.

Whitelisbon · 22/07/2018 17:55

I'd say he's being silly.
I was the size of a bus when I was pregnant. I had loads of extra scans and appointments, if people didn't know it was twins they'd have worried there was something wrong.
You'll also be grateful for the extra support you'll need towards the end - I've never been so drained as I was in the last 6-8 weeks of my twin pregnancy.
Also, every scan picture will have twin 1 or twin 2 on it, so you'll not be able to let anyone see them if you hide it.

Floralnomad · 22/07/2018 17:55

The thing is you will likely get huge and everybody will say ‘are you having twins’’ are you sure it’s not twins’ so in effect you will end up telling fibs which is a bit silly .

Original poster

MrSpock · 22/07/2018 17:55

but pretending and hiding it throughout pregnancy sounds massively stressful so sadly I don’t think I’d bother!

That’s what I think! I’ve already had HG, and extra scans, and not being able to explain would be difficult.

OP posts:

ImAGoofyGoober · 22/07/2018 17:56

It would be a fun idea but I agree it would be a pain to keep secret. I think you get to decide.

Original poster

MrSpock · 22/07/2018 17:56

Not sure you'd want to spend the rest of your pregnancy hiding something that may mean you need extra support.

That’s also a concern I raised. I think he means well but hasn’t thought this through!

OP posts:

SpecialAgentNobody · 22/07/2018 17:58

Too much deceit. It’s not funny. It’s not a game. It’s not all about him.

Ffs! Really annoying.

When I was expecting mine I NEEDED to talk about having twins for my own sanity. To work through my feelings and come to terms with the shock.

You do have to mentally check yourself every time you spoke about your pregnancy.

Nah! Fuck that. Post it on Social media and get it out there.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 22/07/2018 18:00

The surprise thing would be funny but in reality it will be a long 9 months of having to watch what you say.
And people will outright ask " you look enormous, are you sure you haven't got twins in there?'
Then what will you say?
You don't have to announce you're having twins but it will surely come out before too long.

TheProvincialLady · 22/07/2018 18:00

I don’t think it sounds fun at all. You’d look a bit foolish telling everyone you’d known you were having twins but pretended you only had one. People would wonder why you did that. Family and close friends would be baffled and hurt.

PanPanPanPing · 22/07/2018 18:01

Well, your DP isn't the one who is pregnant with twins, is he? I have no idea how he thinks you're both going to be able to 'hide' this surprise.

As PPs have said, you have twice as much more to prepare for with the arrival of twins anyway - let alone your own health during your pregnancy.

I think I'd tell him to grow up, 'smell the coffee' and start getting organised - now

KittyHawke80 · 22/07/2018 18:06

He sounds so fun. Sadly, I believe both ‘Jackass’ and ‘Punk’d’ have come to a end, but he might like to see if Lee Nelson needs a stooge? All you reasons for not doing it are sound, while his are - fucking stupid and childish. Tell him to grow the fuck up. He’s about to be a father of twins.

userabcname · 22/07/2018 18:11

No sounds like a rubbish idea. If he wants a 'surprise' then why not keep the sex/names a secret instead - that is much easier to do. He needs to get over it and stop stressing you out over this bollocks when you are pregnant. Hope you have a healthy and happy pregnancy.

Applepudding2018 · 22/07/2018 18:11

The thing is that people will want to buy you things for the baby and what they would get knowing you are expecting twins would be different- also friends and family may want to talk about your preparations in terms of nursery/ cot / pram etc - and your preparations will be different for two.

lljkk · 22/07/2018 18:13

I think you'll psychologically need support of others to prepare for a double-the-joy life change, can't do that overnight, long process.... definitely nothing to be gained by treating it like an exciting secret.

plus (sorry to sound downer), there's more to worry about in twin pregnancy. You need support for that, too.

PositiveVibez · 22/07/2018 18:15

It's not even that funny tbh. 'Haha you thought we were having 1 baby, but we had 2. Aren't we just mad and crazy HAHAHAHAHA'

Tell him not to be a div.

Nearlyadad · 22/07/2018 18:19

Sounds fun in principle but not terribly practical as described above, and that’s assuming all goes well (which I’m sure it but I know what you mean about jinxing). And if you’re not on board it’s a moot point really. Tell him you’re just not comfortable with it.

Nearlyadad · 22/07/2018 18:20

I’m sure it will, that should read!

ReasonableLlama · 22/07/2018 18:21

I can see where he is coming from, but it's more for the surprise factor rather than "ha ha"
But these sorts of things tend to be done for the YouTube hits.

I don't know how you would keep it a secret. I know I would let slip and then there is the fact you will be bigger.

I wouldn't myself, there's enough going on as it is without trying to keep a secret.

MollyHuaCha · 22/07/2018 18:22

I think if he wants to surprise people, it could work well in the pregnancy announcement like this:

DH: Hey everyone, Mrs Spock is pregnant, isn't that great?

Friends/family: Congratulations, when is it due etc.?

DH: And there's more... can you guess?

F/F: You're getting a puppy too?

DH: Er, no... keep guessing.

F/F: It's twins!

DH: Yay!

Bambamber · 22/07/2018 18:24

I agree the principle sounds fun, but realistically it's not worth the faff. I imagine you will appreciate extra support. Can you not just keep the sex of the babies a surprise? Not tell anyone name ideas? So there's still an element of surprise, without causing you any additional stress

Original poster

MrSpock · 22/07/2018 18:28

Thanks everyone! Thought I was maybe being a bit miserable but everyone seems to agree it’s a bit silly.

I’m not one for surprises but DP loves them, he’s a lovely bloke but gets a bit carried away sometimes.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrSpock · 22/07/2018 18:29

Can you not just keep the sex of the babies a surprise? Not tell anyone name ideas? So there's still an element of surprise, without causing you any additional stress

I’m going to suggest this!

OP posts:

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 22/07/2018 18:30

He is being completely ridiculous.

Original poster

MrSpock · 22/07/2018 18:47

Thanks everyone. This is already an anxious pregnancy because it’s after a loss, so I really don’t want any additional stress around it.

He’s not too bothered about not doing it, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being grumpy!

OP posts:

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