Going Back To Work

[WhatToDoForBest]

Ok, so this has been playing on my mind for sometime now, and I still can't make up my mind. So some advice would be helpful. I have one DD, I'm currently on maternity leave. I only plan on having DD, because I never thought about having kids just decided they weren't in my plan. DD wasn't planned, but she is very much loved and wanted.
Me and her father are now separated because he's a gigantic piece of shit man child, but that's not something I'll go into here!
After having a meeting with my employer, who I have worked with for nearly 11 years, full time 40-50 hour weeks, it was agreed I could go back to work part time. 5 days at 4 hours a day. I've agreed to this, it's fine, I would rather work 3 full days and have 2 days off, but I'm happy with this outcome too.
They have told me the hours I will be working and will absolutely not budge on them. Not at all. The hours are slap bang in the middle of the day, late morning start to mid-afternoon finishing. My problem is that nurseries and child care in my area won't allow this "split shift" pattern. They have morning and afternoon slots, and no option of a crossover, like the situation I am in. I have chased down every nursery and begged for a little bit of leeway, but to no avail. Local child minders seem to give the same answers too, due to activities they plan with other children in their care. I'm at a loss.
AIBU to think Would it be so bad if I just quit my job and stayed at home with my DD til she reaches school age, and then go back to work? I'm frustrated that this seems to be the only option I have, but also would love to be able to spend that time with her considering she will most likely be my only child. I have enough savings to keep us going for a while, but I do worry about that money running out!
Anyone else ever found themselves in this situation and managed to find another option that works? I'm open to suggestions!

Are your employers being reasonable or do you think they are trying to make it hard so you will resign (ie they don't want part timers)?

Could you try finding a babysitter to come to your house or to take your little one? Maybe a SAHM with one or two children who might like to make some extra money?

I haven't mentioned anything about claiming benefits while I stayed off work with my child. I said I had savings but I was worried about them running out. I pay for my child on my own, I don't have any help. So no, I dont plan to "live off the taxpayer".
I understand the point of "she won't know if you stayed off for 12 days or 12 months". She may not know, but I will. She's going to be my only child and if she spends most of her time with other people just so I can go back to work, I could potentially miss some of her firsts. My problem isn't going back to work, it's the hours they've set, this wasn't the case when I had a meeting before I left, we had hours talked about and agreed upon, and they have now changed them while I have been on maternity leave. Childminders were my first option but the ones locally to me also can't really cater to the split time of the day, due to pre planned activity's and school runs.

Our childminder would do those hours (not really helpful for you as it's unlikely you are anywhere near her) but my point is some will. Keep looking.

We have to drive a few miles and park at CMs then commute from there. But that gave us a huge potential area to scour instead of just looking for really local ones.

Have you been looking on childcare.co.uk?

Start looking for somthing lease now

Go back to work. Always go back to work. Find a way. Could you put your DD in nursery for the morning and have a childminder pick her up? Use some of the savings you have to pay for a full day at nursery but only use the hours you want to use. If you pay for a full day then occasionally you could do something before and after work that needs doing without dragging your DD with you, she'll be having fun doing messy play or heuristic play or something!
The hours you're being offered now will be so ideal when she's at school and the time will fly past (sadly)
Your pension won't take a hit if you keep working (living off savings will deplete those and your future income due to loss of pension contributions)
Nanny share?
Look for a nursery attached to a private school - they might have school day type hours
Definitely go back to work if you've managed to have PT negotiated. It's easier to find a job in a job.

I'd try a nanny, you might find someone who has a before/after school job which your hours will slot in with or someone with their own kids in school. Facebook is actually quite good for this sort of stuff so might be worth trying there.

Long term these hours could've really good and quite hard to find elsewhere so I reckon it's worth seeing if you can make it work somehow.

can you do longer hours, then the nursery doesn't seem such a waste. I'd be inclined to go in for normal time and leave early every day. I know that would waste a couple of hours childcare in the evening but you could look for a new part-time job whilst your doing that job. I wouldn't make a decision until I'd tried it out anyway.

Ohh what a dilemma :/ I actually chose to work 5 short days when returning part time a couple of months ago and I’m lucky that my employer is very flexible but I understand what you mean about the annoying nursery AM/PM splits. As PPs have said those hours will be optimal once Dd reaches school age. Also bear in mind that you will get some free hours, when she’s 2 if you earn under £16k and as long as you’re working 16 hours then you’ll get 30 free hours when she’s 3 - so that might help with childcare costs?

You bloody well do claim your tax credits etc if it’s detromental to you and your DD for you to work! Don’t you dare let any ridiculous posters make you feel like that’s a bad thing. As others have said you’ll be working your whole life. We place no ducking value in raising children anymore and it’s a misogynist nightmare. Is your Male DP the one who has to make these sacrifices and choices? No. It’s you. So do what is best for you and your child and sod the sanctimonious posters trying to guilt trip you.

Saying all that - what would you do if you did stay off in terms of work until the future? Those hours are really good if you have a school age child, would you be able to find similar again? Are you sure there’s no childminders who would be able to cover those hours, even if it meant a slightly longer journey?

That’s really tough. Am assuming your hours would be 11-3? Some preschools take children from age 2, ours for example would work out at £32 for a 9 til 3.30 day. And then once she’s either 2 or 3 depending on your circumstances you’ll get free hours. ( I know that seems like ages away but my point is that it’s hardest to start with and then gets gradually easier, and that year will go so quickly, if you could manage for that one year, even if you don’t really make any money, it could be a god send having those hours in a few years). It maybe depends a bit how easy you’d find it getting similar work in a few years if you did quit? You’re right you don’t get those early years back, but if you can just about manage the financial side for a year or so, those hours are worth trying for ( thinking of my 1 year old, she was still sleeping for 2 blissful hours between about 12 and 2pm initially, so potentially you won’t actually be missing all that much quality time with her with those hours!!). Good luck, it’s such a hard decision, I very nearly didn’t go back either but am so glad I did now xx