Long time lurker, first time poster.
This is long, but please bear with me!
I’m willing to be told IABU but I don’t think I have been. I’d really would like some opinions as my partner is currently not really talking to me, apart from responding to my questions arsely, and thinks I have ‘attitude problems’ with regards to this issue. I wrote this yesterday and he’s still not speaking to me properly:
Background: DP has a lovely grown up daughter from previous relationship (ended over 15 years ago). She has a daughter (6yrs), and is in a relationship with a guy (perhaps for two years now although we’ve known him for around 18 months) who also has a young daughter. My DP and I have a DS, (5yrs). We see my DP’s grown up daughter maybe once every month/6 weeks, either just her with her own daughter, or with her partner and his daughter too (but she has often been at her mums when we meet). We all have a very nice relationship together, we all get on well etc.
My DP’s DD invited our son and us to her partner’s daughter’s fourth birthday party, which is, of course, really lovely. I already had booked and paid for a class/event thing before the invite so said I couldn’t, but no problem, my DP was going to take our DS. I had my plans, he and DS had theirs. All good.
Last night DS is sick. Vomiting etc, and this morning still pretty much high temp, sleepy, unhappy. So he sadly can’t go to the birthday party this afternoon.
However, my DP said ‘you know if he’s not better by this afternoon, I’ll have to still go’ meaning that although he was originally taking DS this afternoon, he now wants me to miss my class (that is non refundable and a one off thing - it’s not something that is planned to be repeated) to look after sick DS, so he could go to his daughter’s partner’s DD’s 4th birthday party.
I said that I already had plans that couldn’t be changed, my class/event was not refundable (materials had to be bought) and was a one off. And that I’d still be going. DP was pissed off and thinks I’m out of order. He thinks it is more important that he go to the party and see his daughter, so I said why didn’t he go up earlier to see them, and come back in time, or go and see them for breakfast tomorrow morning (to which he replied ‘don’t be so ridiculous’ although it’s something absolutely viable).
Anyway, he is pissed off, and leaves the house and says he’ll be home in time for when I have to leave for my event. Transpires he’s going to go up there to see them before the party (which I had suggested anyway).
He gets home, still pissed off with me. I go to my class, come back and he’s still pissed off with me. Not engaging properly when I try and talk to him. I ask him if he’s going to be arsey to me all evening. He thinks my attitude is out of order as I should have cancelled my event (losing my money) as him going to the 4th birthday party trumped my class/event and I should have forgone it and stayed at home to look after DS. Later when he’s had a few beers he says he’s started to hate me (because I’m so out of order).
AIBU to have gone to my class/event? I don’t think I am because my event was 1) booked and paid for before the birthday party invite 2) my son (who was the main reason to go, it being a kids party) was ill and he was meant to be caring for him this afternoon originally and 3) that there were alternatives for him to see his daughter and her family (whilst there weren’t alternatives for re-doing my event and it was not refundable).
I am willing to be told IABU (just be gentle with me!) OR is he BU for saying I’m wrong and thinking I’ve got a bad attitude/I’m out of order (and continuing to be being angry with me)? He's starting to make me question myself, am I a bad person?
The ironic thing being his daughter is lovely and would have completely understood the situation.