To be annoyed about being woken up at 1am

[needafan]

My teenage brother goes on his computer for a couple of hours every evening. He often doesn't turn it off until after everyone else in the house has gone to bed (10.30/11pm). He then goes downstairs for about half an hour to eat whatever he can find in the cupboards, and then comes upstairs and goes into the bathroom.

Last night I heard him coming upstairs just after 11.30. I heard him go into his room and then I heard the bathroom door closing. He doesn't seem to make any special effort to be quiet. I fell asleep soon after that. I woke up just after 1am because he had flushed the toilet, and the bathroom is next door to my bedroom. He then spent another 35 minutes brushing his teeth, probably shaving, and using the toilet again. I couldn't get back to sleep during this time because I'm a light sleeper and I can hear every time he turns the tap on, moves the basket etc.

My brother does this pretty much every night, and it's really beginning to annoy me. I haven't been sleeping well recently and last night I actually got to sleep before midnight, yet I was woken up at 1am anyway and didn't get back to sleep until 2. I don't understand why he needs to spend an hour and a half sitting on the toilet with his phone. I wish he would go to bed at a reasonable time. He doesn't see the problem because he can sleep in until lunchtime if he wants to, whereas I have to get up and do things in the morning like most people. Aibu?

No, I think YANBU. He could at least make an effort to be quiet. Who's house is it, though? That might make a difference to how I'd deal with it.

Would white noise help? I think you both have to learn to adjust. Yes, maybe he should shave/wash well before your bedtime, but normal household noises, like toilets flushing or lights going on and off, are part of living with others and you need to look at ways to stop them keeping you awake.

He wasn’t making an unreasonable noise.
You’re not the centre of the universe. He still has to brush his teeth and go to the toilet.
Buy earplugs or move out.

Could you swap bedrooms with him so he's next to the bathroom?

It would annoy me too, and you're right he is being inconsiderate if he's not even trying to keep the noise to a minimum when everyone else is sleeping.

Do you ever go out when he wakes you up and tell him to be quiet?

Either get up and tell him to quieten down, or get some earplugs. I don't think you can tell him he can't use/flush the toilet!

Get your own place? Other people's lives don't just pause because you want to sleep. A shit at 11.30 is fine. Maybe he had a dippy tummy?

He does sound rude and inconsiderate.

Do you both live with your parents? Doesn't he have school nor college? Don't your parents care? Are you also a teenager?

I think the family background would help here.

Sorry but he's pooping, he doesn't have control of when that bodily function is needed. ..would you rather he didn't flush abd stunk the place out?

If you're still at home with your parents and siblings I don't think it's reasonable to expect a perfect living situation. I presume there are reasons why you haven't moved out yet, address them.

He sounds just like my adult son. Absolutely no consideration for anyone else . Our bathroom as the loudest fan ever, which is in a separate switch so doesn't have to turning in but he always does. Whilst he has no control over when he needs the toilet he could brush his teeth/ shave at a reasonable time.
If you are still living with parents can you ask them to have a word?

I am in the process of addressing the reasons I haven't moved out yet, but unfortunately it isn't feasible just now. As such, it is our parent's house.

He finished his exams at the end of June, but it did happen while he was doing exams as well.

I understand that everyone has to use the toilet and brush their teeth, it's the timing of it that I have an issue with. Particularly as he complains that he can't get up in the mornings. He makes all this noise at after 1, sometimes 2 in the morning. After spending what I would deem an unreasonable amount of time on the toilet, even if he did have an upset tummy (every night!). It's because he sits on the toilet with his phone for 90+ minutes.

While I am a light sleeper, he also wakens our parent who is a deeper sleeper than I am.

You initially woke up as he flushed the toilet. That's something he has to do.

Wear earplugs.

Make all that noise outside his room in the mornings.

How old are you ?

Do you have to get up for work in the mornings?

How old is he? Can you help him get a job so he has to get up in the mornings?

What do your parents say about it all?

There's something that really annoys me about teenagers who sleep half the day and stay up half the night playing computer games. And while I know you're only young once and he'll probably grow out of it, the fact that his schedule is disturbing the rest of the house means that something needs to change.

He wasn’t making an unreasonable noise.
You’re not the centre of the universe. He still has to brush his teeth and go to the toilet.
Buy earplugs or move out.
Did you miss the bit where the op said it was one o clock? Ok, using the loo-unavoidable. Shaving and dicking about for half an hour-avoidable. It's a perfect storm of gamer and teen with time to do it all night. (Mine did it. Memorably deciding 3 am was a good time to shower) Tell him to think of others.
And all those telling op to move out-you know nothing of ops life, and yes, it's always that easy.

Get some earplugs.

Aah!! The habit men have of sitting in the toilet for AGES on their phones. My husband does this just a few times a day at weekends... conveniently just as the kids are most demanding!
I definitely don’t think you’re being unreasonable. He sounds inconsiderate! Could you just talk to him though and ask that he just tries to nit take so long and make less noise?

My eldest is exactly the same. Put some headphones in. Yes it's mildly irritating but not worth losing sleep over. (Did you see what I did there?)
😁

Earplugs. I sleep amazingly with them. The little foamy ones, I bought about 100 from Amazon for very little, and they've transformed my sleep (snoring DP)

I understand that everyone has to use the toilet and brush their teeth, it's the timing of it that I have an issue with.

But you can't help when you need the toilet. And if he's not going to bed until late, he's probably getting peckish around 11pm and having a snack, hence not brushing his teeth beforehand.

I don't really think you can tell someone not to use the toilet or brush their teeth in case in wakes you up! Get some earplugs if you're such a light sleeper, or try headphones that play white noise (or use a fan).

OP doesn't want him to not use the toilet if he needs to. She wants him to try to keep the noise to a minimum since the rest of the house are asleep. He's being really inconsiderate. If I have to get up for the loo in the night I try not to disturb anyone else, doesn't everyone?

That, or he needs to go to bed at a reasonable time.

Right, but she's complaining about him flushing the toilet and it waking her up. How can you flush a toilet quietly?

I would rather not wake up to the stench of stale piss in the toilet.

I think I'd have to discover a deep-seated 'need' to do the hoovering and listen to Planet Rock first thing. That or unplug the wireless router and take the cable to bed with you.

As for 'can't control when you need the toilet' it's largely governed by when you last ate/drank. If you're not up half the night dicking about and stuffing yourself then you're considerably less likely to need to take a shit at 1am.

OP has no right at all to dictate what time other people in the household go to bed.

I'd ask that he doesn't do things like have a shave in the small hours but you really cannot request that someone doesn't use the toilet.