To feel unable to cope alone

[Frustrated00]

Posting here for traffic, sorry its a long one I'm at my wits end and need a hand hold :-(

I found out after my own digging that dcs father has cheated on me and made somebody pregnant, after many tears and long conversations I deluded myself into believing we could get past it and I agreed to stay and try to make things work. He knows he has to be responsible for the baby and I have had to try and come to terms with that, however the way I've dealt with it until now is to pretend it isn't happening.

The traumatic bonding phase came afterwards, shortly followed by my anxiety and depression coming back with a vengeance, then reality hit home. I have struggled with mental health problems in the past but for the most part overcame them until now.

After picking some of my self respect up off the floor I have decided I want out and want to be nowhere near any of them when the baby arrives, I can't stomach looking at the bastard any longer and don't want our child to suffer any longer by seeing me so miserable. If I am honest with myself the main reasons I stayed were because 1. I'm worried I won't cope on my own now my mental health is going to shit and 2. We depend on him financially as I became a SAHM (his suggestion) when dd came along. I'm not in love with him any longer but I do feel emotionally and financially dependent

I worked in retail and was a low earner, so although I want to go to work ASAP and gather some money for me and DC to get a place of our own, childcare will be a struggle as too young to qualify for any free childcare hours. I don't have family who could help out in that respect.

Him moving out and us staying here isn't an option but I won't say why as it is too outing, Its also worth noting I'm not eligible for council help as I haven't been in the area long enough and there is a shortage of availability even if I were eligible.

Family support is extremely limited, I'm not able to go and stay with relatives.

I feel trapped and it is making me feel so low. A big dark cloud has descended over me this evening and I feel as though the whole bloody thing is going to cost me my sanity.

I have optimistic moments where I fantasize about me and dc in our own little home thriving out of the way from that Pos but then reality hits home and I don't know how to get to that point from this one or if I'll cope when I do.

I'm scared that when (not if) I leave I'm going to end up so emotionally crippled I'm going to be a rubbish mum to a beautiful little child who deserves so much better

Go to citizens advice and get all the info you need. I work in emergency housing and even if you are not entitled etc due to being out of area because you have a child social services will have to pick up your case. They can’t not give you a roof over your head. If the council house you and you are deemed to not be “intentionally homeless” then you essentially got the chance to get a council property (life tenancy) but if social services pick you up you won’t get that but you will still eventually get housed but not with life tenancy. Therefore b&b/ temporary part will prob be longer process but you will still get a house / flat eventually.

Yanbu! You're not trapped, alone or helpless tho. Times ahead will be super tough, let's make no bones about it, but loads of ppl inc me have lived thru to tell the story. You're stronger than you know right now.xxx

See that scares me a little about social services picking us up regarding housing as I wouldn't want to lose DC to care because of making myself intentionally homeless

It’s also worth noting that you get two kinds of people that come into emergency accommodation. Some can’t keep it together and they are crying and therefore their children are crying and it’s horrible and some put on a big brave face and act like it’s a holiday for the kids and there’s nothing at all to be afraid of because everything’s going to work out OK. Different personalities I suppose they can often have turned up under the same conditions. The parents who manage to hold it together definitely do seem to find the process easier and the kids seem very different to those that are carrying the problems of their parents on their shoulders. Good luck x

No it’s not social services involvement as you know it. They don’t suddenly put you on there registers or anything. They will have no involvement in your life other than to house you. The buck stops with them as it’s the child that needs the roof.

You won't lose DC for needing support! If you're an addict of some kind/ otherwise abusive maybe but unless you're dripfeeding this dsnt apply!

Honestly, you do not become of interest to them because you have left your husband. They are dealing with child abusers and seriously neglectful parents everyday, they would have no interest in you if you are just a normal parent that has left her partner.

No there is nothing like that in our situation I'm not a drinker or drug taker and he hasn't been physical with me so the only problem will be my ability to put a roof over our heads. Thank you for explaining about the housing

Book an appointment with citizens advice tomorrow. They will be able to assure you that you will be housed. Prepare! Prepare to be that Mum that goes everything’s going to be fine. Except that the next 6 months living arrangements might be crap for you but your child doesn’t need to see this. It’s a process to your freedom. Freedom from a man that has completely disrespected you! We live in a Country that is pretty generous to those that fall on hard times and in a years time you’ll be out there with your child, free and ready to rise again. It will all be OK- that’s your motto.

Aw thank you, I will go to citizens advice on Monday morning

Sorry to put a dampner on aibu im just feeling it a lot tonight