Advice re No Contact.

[Blackbirdblue30]

Here for traffic really. Broke up with a long term partner I was living with in April. (Same sex partner). Because she'd met someone else. Things were horrible for a few months and my ex was very emotionally abusive and rubbed my face in the new relationship. I had to move in with my parents for a few month from June. Still here, at least another month to go yet. So I'm stuck in the sticks in a different part of the country. I know it's short term to save for my own rental again. But my ex really screwed me over. Fwiw, she also has a drink problem. And I know, rationally, that whatever gods of fate there are have been kind to me, getting me out of a situation that I couldn't see how entrenched I was in. But even so. An emotionally abusive borderline alcoholic who cheated on me in our bed? I know.

I've gone nc, but im finding it very very hard. Sat on my own here, parents asleep, can't go anywhere even if there was anywhere to go. She didn't give a shit. Genuinely not one shred of remorse. It's so bloody hard. I know her passwords and tempted to go stalking even though that's wrong and also fucked up. Or write something. I've lost my relationship, my home and my social life due to her. It's just not right.

Sorry, but you know that your life will be much better without her in it don’t you?

Her partner won’t trust her and she won’t trust her partner because they way they got together.

She has a drink problem, life will never be anything but shit whilst she’s still drinking.

You have a chance at a fresh start in life. Grab it with both hands. Xx

I think she told the new partner that we'd broken up months prior and that I just wouldn't move out, presenting me as a charity case and her as a kindly soul which is so far from the truth it just adds to the rage. I also want to write to that woman to a) tell her what was what and b) lambast her for getting into what was clearly a shared bed. But doing that will just make me look like a psychopath.

You’re feeling like shit right now and understandably too. DO NOT STALK, you might feel like sending a text or something but you will feel crappy in the morning when you look back at what you sent.
Your head tells you that it was right to get out of the relationship but I really do understand that you’re hurting and want some kind of reaction from your ex.
Let it go, really.
Your life will turn around and pick up.
Feels shit to have to go home again but accept that and heal.
Good luck x

You know she will lurch from one bad situation to the next.
Do yourself a big favour and delete her passwords if you have them written down anywhere. At the moment you have the high ground, don't lose that, because you'll hate yourself.

Blackbirds- one bit of advice, keep well away.
If you try to warn the new woman about your ex you’ll never be believed. Best to keep well away and let people figure out on their own. I tried to tell people about my ex, it made it so much easier for my ex to label me as nasty and making up lies about poor little him, because he was a lovely man and the sun shone out of his arse... last I heard people were wising up to who he is, the few people I’ve seen in the past few years hated me when I was with him now say, oh god, he’s really changed he’s done x,y,z were not friends anymore, I just say he wasn’t able to keep the act up, the person who did x,y.z was the person I warned them about 10 years ago

You’ll get over this, it’ll take time but you’ll be better off

I think part of the rage is against myself- I wasn't prepared to just move with nearly no notice. Hence living with parents now. Although we paid the same rent it wasn't my lease, it was hers, so I had no say in my own home. I feel so fucking stupid. I let myself be in a vulnerable situation because love and she abused it in the worst ways she could. Not a care. I would never have done that to her.

And I just got a text from her. 'Just wanted to know how you are.' Give me strength ladies.

Blackbirdblue- do not reply. Don’t give her an in.

She doesn’t deserve one.

I'm not. Is this how no contact works then? Have never done it before.

Do not reply. Let her stew. Forever.

If you can block her number then do that.

Don't reply to her, don't contact her, don't contact her new girlfriend.

It's not easy to do this at the beginning but it does get better.

Take the first bit of advice from Wendy Cope (although sorry because it says him, not her) but have no contact.

The new girlfriend will learn in time what she's like but it's not your place to educate her. She won't believe you anyway until she's learned it for herself. She won't listen, and your ex will use anything you do as proof that you were the problem.

No contact feels awful now but it will get better, easier, and you'll be glad you stayed strong in the end.

Don't reply to the text OP . You have been in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic and , although you probably feel like you have lost everything, you are now free to rebuild your life initially with the support of your parents. After A while, things will start to come together and you will be happier. I know it doesn't feel like that right now but after a bit of time, you will be in a much better place. Do you still have many possessions at the property? If so, arrange in a formal way a date to go in and collect everything that is yours. Go with a friend or parent or somebody to support you. Don't go down the route of stalking your ex or contacting her new partner or anything. Don't contact your ex apart from any formal separation arrangements that need discussing. Do all communicating by email. Don't go back to her if she ever asks you. You have managed to escape a toxic relationship so move on now and start your new life. You will get there! xx

Just figuring out how to block texts. I think this is more emotional abuse. Wtf.

Read the “baggage reclaim” website OP - she’s brilliant on no contact. It’s not easy but it works.

@theprioryghost that website is incredible, thanks for sharing!