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AIBU?

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Ds lying all the time. Please help.

9 replies

Schoolsoutearly · 21/07/2018 01:43

Ds used to be very well behaved but really struggled socially. He started a new school a couple of years ago which is a lot smaller and a better fit pastoral wise.

The problem is he is attracting the wrong type of friends. There have been a couple of issues in which school was involved last year to provide some support but it all died down.
He is now telling friends silly lies, that I won't let him go to places or that I've told him off for something or I am being mean, that I've said things I haven't. That I've cleared everyone's numbers so he needs them again,that I've made comments about his friends parents etc None of which has happened. He also lies about things to fit in. He's lying that an ex girlfriend did horrid things but there wasn't an ex girlfriend.

He is lying to his friends that he has no drink when he has and then borrowing money and drinking three of those large energy drinks as I have found out. I'm cross about this as he has had some medical issues that are possibly related.
I've found messages saying i must be dumb to believe the lies about homework club etc (which I didn't believe)

I've always said he can go out with friends as long as I know where he is and he texts me to let me know he is heading back as school is a distance away and he has some learning difficulties so I've no idea what he is playing at.

At the moment his phone is completely locked down with an app as he is already in trouble and he has no WiFi access so he has instead managed to create a sharing hot-spot on his phone so he can everything he's been banned from on his tablet which the app thankfully alerted me to.

I'm at my witts end. If I give him any freedom he proves time after time I can't trust him. (he once turned up three hours late after school after telling me that his friends Mum was bringing them home but was delayed, I knew Mum from primary and she had brought them home before) and told me he was on his way and he wasn't.

Help!

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Schoolsoutearly · 21/07/2018 01:46

His other silly lies this week are that someone was in school when I knew they weren't and that someone is definitely not going on a trip next week and so be is walking around with someone else when I know for a fact they are.

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jackiethelad · 21/07/2018 01:56

How old is your son? It sounds like he may have some issues with seeking attention - trying to make his friends feel sorry for him having a strict mum (falsely of course). If he has social issues too maybe the two combined could be reason to try involving CAHMS? The lying to you could be just a teenager wanting to do whatever he wants thing, or it could be indicative of something else. It's very difficult to say. It could all just be a funny phase. You're certainly not wrong to be slightly despairing about it though!

Greenyogagirl · 21/07/2018 02:14

How old is he? I used to lie all of the time as a child, I’m on the spectrum and didn’t know how to fit in, so I said whatever I thought would help in social situations

Schoolsoutearly · 21/07/2018 02:16
  1. I do wonder if he is trying to fit in!
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Greenyogagirl · 21/07/2018 02:20

So hormones all over the place and at that age boys do lie to their friends, whether it’s about girlfriends, drinking or life being so difficult in general. I remember the rubbish my brothers and school friends used to spout through secondary school but luckily for them we didn’t really have mobiles or internet so they didn’t really get found out

AjasLipstick · 21/07/2018 03:10

Love bomb him OP. I just knew he was 14 when I read your OP...it's SO hard for them these days. So much pressure to fit in and social media is viscous.

Keep giving him loads of love and attention.

Schoolsoutearly · 21/07/2018 08:44

Thank you

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BalloonSlayer · 21/07/2018 09:40

How do you know about all these lies though? Who is telling you? When my DC were 14 I didn't know what they said to people when they were at school.

All 14 year old talk a huge amount of bollocks. He's probably doing this because everyone else does and he wants to fit in. One tells a story about how horrible his Mum is, your DS isn't going to say "oh really? Poor you - my mum is lovely," he is going to try to top trump him with something awful HIS Mum has done and if there isn't amy thing he'll make it up.

Schoolsoutearly · 21/07/2018 09:52

Because some of the lies he tells have been awful and its been passed on to school or because his friends have asked me why he isn't allowed to x, y, z.
I do occasionally check their phones because we have had issues in the past.

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