I know I am U, please help any way

[CestLeWhy]

I've been with DH for the last 10 years, my first ever and only relationship.

When we met, I was the higher earner and on a fast track in a a big audit firm.

After DD1 arrived, my previously wonderful husband changed. He began hitting me. I left work and moved continents for his job. I could no longer socialise with friends or ex colleagues, I was ashamed of what I'd become and also couldn't comfortably leave the kids with him. No childcare and no family in this country.

After 5 years of physical abuse, I'm a fat, lonely, scared and depressed shell of myself.

He's just walked in and told me he wants a separation, but I should be able to support myself and the DC.

I'm terrified to challenge him. We're both from Pakistan, and if he wanted he could fight to take custody of my kids, and take them back there.

I find myself a decade older, unemployed, with 2 (beautiful) kids, no support system, no job prospects and completely fucked.

I know AIBU to sit here crying, I got myself into this mess and now I will have to pay, but please can anyone tell how the fuck I get myself out of this?

If he's on a visa, report him and have him sent back where he's come from. He doesn't deserve to have his cake and eat it. Kick him out and take control of your life.

Your friends would love to hear from you, I promise! Do not believe the lies he tells you.
I have friends in abusive relationships and I would always help as much as I could.

Nightwispa, I know you may mean well but this is poor advice.

The way the OP has written her post, I think it is very likely that she and the children are dependent on her abusive partner's visa.

Assuming she reported him and got his visa curtailed (which is not necessarily something that would happen), her and the kids' visas will also be curtailed as they are dependent on him. The OP will want to have made an application for her and the kids to stay on an alternate basis before his visa is curtailed to protect their position.

It is important that women in these situations look to their own position first. This is why she should contact experts such as Southall Black Sisters (SBS) and get advice before taking any action .

Immigration law is very complex, OP, and you need expert help. Please contact SBS. Please do not delay because if your relationship breaks down, it is possible your husband will inform the Home Office without your knowledge.

SBS really do understand the vulnerable position Pakistani women such as you can be left in.

Good luck.

Contact Women's Aid or your GP.

So he beats you up, calls you a weak, useless shit & you believe him. WTF?

Can't you see that he has ground you down to the extent that you have no confidence left, your self esteem is rock bottom, you're afraid of him & to top it all, you think it's all your fault. No, no, no! It is HIS fault.

You married a violent, spiteful bully who kept his true nature under wraps till after you were married & responsible for 2 DC.

I am sorry you are in such a bad place at the moment but try to accept that NONE of this is your fault.

He is a typical abuser, trying & succeeding to diminish you every step of the way. Abusers always seek to isolate their partners from family & friends, it's what they do. Gives them more power. I bet he acted like a right charmer when you first got together & didn't demean or degrade you at that stage.

Once you're apart, when you can relax & feel at peace in your own home, then you can start to rebuild your life. You are better off without him, although you may not realise this just yet.

Fat, lonely, depressed? Seeing the back of him will solve that lot. You will gradually rediscover your old self and bounce back, a little bit older but a lot wiser.

This is actual a great opportunity for you to change your life but you must seek out help and advice.

Please do as bookforgoddaugher suggests and contact

www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/

They are specialists in exactly your situation.

I almost never say this, but they would be better in this instance than Women's aid.

Am at computer now.

Other specialised women's aid services for BME/South Asian women around the UK:

Edinburgh: shaktiedinburgh.co.uk/

Glasgow: www.hematgryffe.org.uk/

Birmingham: roshnibirmingham.org.uk/

Manchester: saheli.org.uk/

Sheffield: www.ashianasheffield.org/

Cardiff: www.bawso.org.uk/

Leeds: www.shantona.co.uk/

You've had one in London who are very good but there are also organisations in different parts of London which can be fairly easily found as well.

Some areas don't have specialised services so you'd need to contact your local generalised service but I'd strongly suggest contacting one of the specialised ones as well. As other posters have said, the issue of immigration and visas is extremely complicated and needs to be handled with caution. It would be a massive advantage to you to be in touch with an organisation which has dealt with such situations many times AND understands the impact of relationship abuse.