To still be feeling so heartbroke

[Uhuhhoney]

I was with my ex for around 2 years. He was somewhat difficult, emotionally unavailable alot of the time and had a problem with drink. We split in October last year. The firsr few months were definitely hard- i think it was the first time i had ever truly experienced heartbreak that felt physical. It was messy and the ties cut only in Janaury with no contact established.

Its six months on, ive met some really great people, got a great new job, moved to a nicer house than our old one... but i just feel lost. I know it wasnt working, i know we dont work, but i just cant stop thinking about him. Every day he spends the majority of time on my mind. I miss him so much.

Why do i feel like this when he wasnt good for me. Aibu to think you only get one great love in life and he was mine???

But he wasn't great.
You're missing the relationship you wish you could've had if he hadn't been a cold drunk.
But he was.
So you've lost nothing.

Omg sounds like me with my ex he is father to my child we was together few years most of it was toxic looking back. Treated me and our child like shit aswell. I occasionally think about him but I duno if that's just normal.

Am feeling a bit like this tonight too

Hi, I thought the same as you .... 21yrs married - 2kids that was until the exh thought the grass was greener and had an affair. What an idiot he was, now he has no contact with his dc’s. (their choice).

Life for me has changed, I have a new partner - been together 3yrs who treats me and my dc’s like his own.

It is obviously early days for you .... look after yourself and move on ... there will be another guy for you who will treat you as you should ne treated.

It takes time to recover from an intense relationship, You quickly forget the hurt and remember the better times, sometimes it takes years.

I finished with my first great love many years ago now, it was a roller-coaster of madness, I only thought of him today. DP is very grounded and sensible the complete oppisite and I am glad. Back then I had low self esteem and he was messed up abandoned by his DM aged 3, I was trying to heal him. My memories are still fond ones but in reality it wasn't great, I was needed by him and I confused it as love, now I see it was an experience not really love.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes that's not a good thing. Your memory doesn't serve you well after time, you only remember the nice things.

I remember feeling really flat when I separated from my ex, particularly when everything was done officially and there was nothing to fight about. It's that wasteland between not going back but not being strong enough to move forward. It takes time. It does get better. It doesn't feel like it now, but one day this will be nothing to you.x

Weekend evenings are hard
He literally left me holding the baby
He’s out dating while I am stuck at home feeding baby
I know that will eventually stop and I will be able to get a life
He has behaved so badly towards me

YABU.

It wasn't a great relationship. It was far from it. That's not how relationships work, and drama is not the same as love and security. Honestly OP, don't think that something intense is good - I've got a friend who does this and it never works!

Be kind to yourself.

You have a choice. I've been there so know.
Carry on feeling sorry for yourself or move on.

It was a messy break up and a first physical heartbreak. You were in love with a difficult man who wasn't right for you and would hinder your future. You were wise enough to leave and to not look back. You are allowed to mourn and allowed to still feel a little raw. Essentially, if the final parting was January - it was only 6 months ago,.so don't be too hard on yourself.

But don't run the risk of becoming obsessed with him. There is a chance of building him up in your head. Watch the episode of Sex in the City when the girls do an intervention on Carrie because she is obsessed with Big.

"Your first love always feels like your last, your last love always feels like your first."

It'll get better. When I found out my ex was cheating on me, I thought the physical pain would never end and I'd never love anyone ever again...but it did and I do. Chin up, and well done for making all the steps to move on. One day you'll realise you haven't thought about him all day, then all week, all month etc.