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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He went missing

20 replies

roseblossom75 · 20/07/2018 21:31

My eldest son is almost 19, but has the developmental age of a one year old baby (no speech at all and shakes a rattle).
Due to the high level of care he needs he sadly lives in residential care.
I have three younger children at home. My youngest has a different disability and also needs a high level of care.

Now my eldest son is over 18 he no longer requires parental consent.
Today was his very last day at his special school.
They had taken him on a residential outdoor pursuits trip.
I had previously expressed my concerns about this, but they assured me he would be fine.

He is on a staff ratio of 1-to-1 and 2-to-1 when out in the community as he has no awareness of danger at all.

This morning I had a phone call to tell me about the incident.
That he had gone missing and the police had been called.
It turned out he had gone up a flight of stairs in a building they were staying in and out through the fire exit.
No-one noticed him go (bearing in mind he is on 1-to1) and the police were called.
He was thankfully found wandering aimlessly through fields (3 huge fields away from the building he was staying in).

I am so thankful that he didn't head in the opposite direction where the lakes are as he doesn't know the difference between a lake and a paddling pool and would just dive straight in.

I am so relieved he is safe and sound. I went straight over to see him and he embraced me in the biggest hug ever.

I am convinced there was someone watching over him today keeping him safe.

It's not really an "am I being unreasonable" as I don't blame anyone for this. (I'm just posting to get it off my chest as I still feel shaken and tearful). It was just one of those unfortunate incidents that could have had a very different outcome.

He has left school now and it's sad that this occurred on his very last day, but I'm not going to let this cloud the memories of him being there as he has been so happy there.

It has just made me so thankful.....for everything.

OP posts:

THEsonofaBITCH · 20/07/2018 21:34

I'm glad it ended well!

SandyY2K · 20/07/2018 22:12

I'm glad he's safe, but I would have been furious. What's the point of 1 to 1 and they failed to take care of him.

Hopefully they'll learn from this.

RachelfromFriends · 20/07/2018 22:14

That's so frightening. Now what happens to make sure this doesn't happen again?

C0untDucku1a · 20/07/2018 22:19

Gosh that’s scary. What’s the plan for him now?

Littlechocola · 20/07/2018 22:20

That must have been awful for you

JustVent · 20/07/2018 22:24

You absolutely should be blaming someone for this.

I look after disabled kids, I’m 1:1 with them, I’ve worked with them at school, residential and at home and that is absolutely not ok.

That’s absolutely horrendous.

It’s not enough that he’s ok. That needs to be investigated, big time.
I’m so sorry you and your son had to go through that!

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/07/2018 22:26

How very frightening! I am so very glad that that there was a good outcome.

RocknRolla · 20/07/2018 22:27

This needs investigated and I would want to know what they planned to do to make sure it didn’t happen again. I am glad it ended well though.

Bibesia · 20/07/2018 22:32

Now my eldest son is over 18 he no longer requires parental consent.

I would seriously question that. If he is at such a low developmental age, he does not have the required mental capacity to be left to make his own decisions, and the normal starting point in that situation is that it is the individual's parents who continue to look after their affairs. Unless you don't want to do it, I suggest you contact solicitors with expertise in mental health, Court of Protection and Deputyship law on Monday for advice.

BackforGood · 20/07/2018 22:32

Sending you hugs, but, as others had said, I do think you need to pursue it, to make sure whatever went wrong, doesn't go wrong again, when the next pupil might not have such a happy outcome

I know it is incredibly hard work, but if it is recognised he needs 1:1 at all times, and 2:1 when out in the community, he shouldn't have been able to have been missing for the amount of time it took him to wander 3 big fields, before someone noticed. Something has gone wrong with their systems, and that gap needs t be closed before it can happen again.

Troels · 20/07/2018 22:38

Surely if he is like a 1 year old, you now have POA and still get to make decisions about where he goes?
This doesn't sound right. He doesn't have capacity and needs to to be his advocate.

Raven88 · 20/07/2018 22:44

I'm a support worker and I do 1-1 and I hope that people responsible face consequences.

paradyning · 20/07/2018 23:00

That's terrifying op. Your son is like my dc and I know where you are coming from x

ApolloandDaphne · 20/07/2018 23:07

I guess as terrifying as this was you might want to consider that for any normal NT child parents terrifying moments happen constantly. Difficult to come to terms with but he has come through it okay.

eggncress · 20/07/2018 23:20

I’m glad your boy is safe but I would be looking for answers as to how this happened. 1-1 means he should be supervised at all times so what happened there? There has to be a reassurance too that it won’t happen again.

Regarding not needing parental consent, as he is developmentally like a one year old he doesn’t have capacity to make decisions and needs someone to be his guardian/ Power of attorney.

I think you need to see a solicitor about it and also discuss with his carers/ gp.

emmyrose2000 · 21/07/2018 03:13

The person who allowed this to happen is/was grossly negligent and needs to be held to account for this and fired. The next person she/he does this to may not be as lucky as your son.

JustVent · 21/07/2018 07:15

Presumably the parental consent has been handed over to the residency?
There’s no way he has capacity to make his own decisions.

user1498854363 · 21/07/2018 07:22

Op, although he has left the school this is a safeguarding incident as staff where NOT doing their job. I read last year about staff prosecuted and in prison after individual drowned while in their care (they were on their mobile, he wandered off, fell into water, died).
Please raise this as a safeguard, the new home need to be recording the risks he presents with and someone didn’t care for him if he wandered off and police called!

So glad he was ok,

CityFarmer · 21/07/2018 08:54

I am convinced there was someone watching over him today keeping him safe.

I'm Christian so happy to say a prayer of thanksgiving and praise for you.
Glad he's ok xx

TwoGinScentedTears · 21/07/2018 09:01

Yeah, but not the person who's job it is to actually watch over him.

Glad he's safe. I'm surprised you're not more angry with the staff tbh, but I can imagine you're pretty worn down with everything on your plate.

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