I met a friend this time last year. We met through a shared mental illness, on a holiday/course aimed at helping sufferers. We got quite close that week but built a friendship up slowly after that. We only live about 45 minutes apart and, after a few months, we were meeting up regularly and getting on very well.
When we first met, she was much more ill than I was and was only recently out of hospital. She's had ups and downs but she has worked so hard this year and, certainly up until May, was doing really well. I have no idea how she is now.
I had a crash around February/March time and got quite ill very quickly. Unfortunately I was seeing the friend quite often at that time as we were doing some work together and I know I frightened her. She was worried - both about me and about how I could affect her recovery. But we talked about it, I got a huge amount better and we met up again. Everything seemed fine. She said she was busy for a while after that and I interpreted some of her messages as very distant or terse but we were in contact.
Since May - nothing. I last messaged her 5 weeks ago and it hasn't even been read. Before that I'd messaged 8 weeks ago and it had been read but not responded to. She appears not to have used social media since early May, although I did see that she had an 'active 15 hours ago' thing on facebook a few days ago. There are two possibilities that I can see.
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She is having a really bad time and is in a low phase. (She has bipolar - I do not suffer with this but I get it.) She could also be relapsing or struggling with the other illnesses. She could be really isolated and not seeing people, communicating online etc. Her silence might have nothing to do with me.
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She is fine but has decided that our friendship is either not healthy for her or just something she just doesn't want any more. She might have blocked me on facebook/put me on a limited profile and still be active both there and in real life.
If it's 2) then that makes me really sad because I do value the friendship a lot and I miss her. But that's her choice and I can accept and understand that. But if it's 1) I really want to be there for her. Either now if she wants it or in the future if she isn't up to contact now but it is a general thing not a personal thing.
Basically, I don't want to give up on a friendship unless I know for sure that the other person doesn't want to be friends any more.
I would never turn up at her house because I know that kind of uninvited contact is one of her worst nightmares. I don't have her phone number because we always used facebook instead. But I want to write her a letter. Would that be unreasonable? Do I seem like a creepy stalker? If I do it, it would basically be to try and find out if scenario 1 or 2 is the correct one - or in fact neither!