Bond with daughter

[RocknRolla]

Can anyone give me suggestions on how to re build the bond with my daughter. My dd is 5 and has asd. For the last few months her behaviour has been very challenging and I am starting to feel resentment towards her. I feel terrible writing this but I know I need to do something before our relationship is damaged even worse I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her but I am just struggling with the meltdowns just now.
Sorry I know this isn’t an AIBU but know this is the best place to get given proper advice on what to do.

I’m sorry OP, it’s awful I have a very similar situation myself, I ended up going to the GP, I’m on anti depressants which are helping temporarily while school referred us to someone who was part of the health visiting group I believe? She comes and I get to unwind and she gives tips etc, plus she plays with my DD by getting her to express her emotions in different ways, I’ve tried she won’t do it with me but I keep trying. I hope things get better soon, maybe ask school/doctors/health visiting team if there is any support they can provide?

There's a great book Lovebombing on resetting your relationship. The gist of it is lots of love, attention, letting them chose activities and set the agenda and rebuilding the love and tenderness between you again.

A family hub worker is what you need!! They come to give you a break, give you tips and tricks, and they've seen it all
They have specialists in kids with additional needs, who come play with them and help them communicate their feelings :)

How do you get a family hub worker? That sounds exactly what we need to try. Thanks thethoughtfox have ordered that tonight.

Nothingbutbored will try and get a gp appointment. I think that’s what is getting to me that no matter what I try nothing seems to help her. My dh is useless with her and it’s causing so many problems with us, if I could get sometime to unwind i probably woudlnt be so stressed out.

Right, it's a bit of rigamarole to get one, you could also try the NSPCC Selfcare course which focuses a bit more on finding the right routine and discipline that works for you as a family, I currently have a worker from the selfcare course and she's absolutely amazing!

For a family hub worker, you go to the nearest children's center/surestart center and ask to speak to one of the family hub workers, they'll be able to sort you out.

For the NSPCC selfcare course - note the name, it's for your care & peace of mind - you can either speak to your gp, failing that you can speak to the pastoral care lead at school and they can refer you. My NSPCC woman is worth her weight in gold, has completely backed me up on other issues, and I couldn't recommend the course more than enough!

You could also try the Family Action Support Hub, they're a specialist service specifically those who need a bit of help with kids with ADHD, Autism, Delay, Dyspraxia, and other needs like that - anyone such as your gp, health visitor, or nursery nurse needs to complete a CAF (Common Assessment Framework/single assessment depending on where you are)
I must advise you that they are an intensive support placement, the best you can get for issues like this, if you go you need to attend all the sessions, be completely honest, and they can do a world of good.

There are options out there when you're struggling and there's SEN present, these are mainly the family hub, NSPCC selfcare department, and for intensive support there's FAST.

Lovdbombing isn't always a good idea for a child with autism, its a wonderful concept but some children just need the security of knowing what's what.
What I often find helps when DS is struggling is to watch him when he's sleeping, sometimes telling him the things I want to tell him when he's awake.
Not a cure but can help after a bad day

I would say, based on reading the OP again, FAST would be the best option, they not only focus on what she and you need, they also help you bond with your kids in ways they can understand; it's very touchy feely at some points!