DD contact

[Mamamiaherewegoagainmymy]

DD is 4. Split from ex when pg due to ea.
Still tries to manipulate me even years later. Cancels plans to have her last minute all the time ( think it's a control thing ). 2 weeks ago when he dropped her off I said are you DEF having her at the weekend because I need to make plans. He said yes. Duly booked tickets and got text at 3.30 pm.( Friday - he picks her up 6.30 -7om till 6pm ish Sunday ). Saying he may be late to pick her up. 7pm came and went ( DD upset ). Texted ex no reply. She asked to ring daddy - phone Rang 4 times then voicemail. Put her to bed around 7.45. booked tickets to see a show costing £70 so that was money wasted.
AIBU to demand he pays me the £70 ? Fwiw if he'd have let me know earlier in the week I might've been slightly more forgiving WWYD

YWBU but seeing as he can’t even let you or his DD know he’s not bothering to turn up, do you really think he’ll hand over £70?

What I did was to never, ever rely on him. Always find a sitter. (He'll turn up on time one day and be annoyed about it because its insulting.)

Yanbu. He is a horrible person for letting his 4yo daughter down and not even calling her to let her know.

I would insist on court ordered contact and if he fails to keep to it, he cannot see her.

PositiveVibez does ex have to instigate court controlled access? Can't see him bothering tbh

YANBU but do you really think he'll pay? He sounds like a dickhead, I wouldn't be one for stopping a parent see his child but if he's so unreliable like that, he's going to end up letting her down constantly (not to mention messing you around)

I don't want to see her upset like that again. Thing is what do I say when it gets to 6pm ( she's just learnt 6 and 12 o'clock ) and she's asking where her daddy is. Am thinking I'd taking her out for tea and stuff him

Just realised my ‘YWBU’ could be translated a number of ways, I meant it as.. you wouldn’t be unreasonable.

I would put a firm court order in place and if he starts breaching it let them deal with him. If he doesn’t abide by them and contact dries up it wouldn’t be a bad thing if he is already hurting your child.
Stop telling dd when he is coming so she doesn’t get upset in the meantime, be vague constantly about the plans.
When you are going out book a reliable sitter.

If you don't think he'd go to court to get access then stop sending her for contact now. Either he will take you to court - in which case you can get the days/times rigidly laid down - or he wont bother and your dd will be saved a lot of heartache.

And whatever you do, never, never tell him that you need him to be reliable because youve got x/y/z planned. That's just giving him power over you. Dont ask him for £70 - he wont pay and will be delighted your upset. Next time he doesnt show on time DO NOT TEXT HIM. Just take your dd and go out for tea. Dont answer any texts he sends, dont answer your phone. If possible, sstay with family/friends overnight and ignore him for the weekend. He'll hate that.

What barbarian said.

It's not fair on your DD to be messed around, the older she gets the worse it'll be.

Leave contact to tail off. I doubt he'll get his act together and go to court. Log everything (I still have everything between me and my xp a decade ago).