Ok, firstly, he's not useless, he does an equal amount of school runs/ cm drop offs, he's capable of ironing (in fact does it more than me) and hoovering (but he won't just get on and do it, I usually ask him), tidying and cleaning etc. Tomorrow while I'm out with the dc seeing a friend, he's going to blitz the house and give it a spring clean. But on a day to day basis, it's a drudge of tasks that he just doesn't think to help with. Things like making sandwiches for the children for the following day, doing the washing (he puts it in the washing machine and then seems to think the drying/ matching/ putting away fairies do the rest). If I intentionally leave piles of clean washing around the kitchen, or move it to the stairs, it just stays there until I put it away. Loading and unloading the dishwasher is another bug bear. I'm generally the one that feeds the children - e.g. breakfast at weekends. He's not doing nothing during this time, sitting on his arse (He's not like that) but he's not doing anything that's an immediate priority iyswim?
He generally gets up an hour earlier than me in the morning during week days and last night I'd put a load of washing on and he said he'd hang it out in the morning. So I come to see him and kids off this morning (I get them dressed while he gets ready), I walk into the kitchen to find that the washing is lying wet on the side and the cats haven't been fed. I know it doesn't sound like much, but all these little things add up on a daily basis.
A bit of background. Our dc are 7 and 20 months. We both work ft. I work from home 3 days a week and I travel to London for the remaining two (A 2.5 hour train journey each way). He commutes by car about 40 mins from home, he's usually back by 6 at the latest and leaves at 7.45am each morning. Clearly there are some things I can do when I'm at home a lot more - lunch breaks for example - and so we've probably just fallen into a routine because of that. Stuff like runnig a hoover over the downstairs. But I have an unpredictable work pattern which means I'm compensated quite well as it's not a typical 9-5. There are days when I don't have a break and don't have time to do these chores. When I'm in London the chores build up.
I also sort out appointments, arrange childcare to cover cm absence, and do most of the household arrangements - including dental and gp appointments. He does things when I ask, without a fuss, but he wouldn't just remember to do them.
So this morning I was quite disappointed to see the wet washing and feel I shouldn't have to repeatedly ask him/ remind him to do things on a daily basis. I said 'these are all the little things you could be doing first thing that really make a big difference to my day'. He said I was nagging, which pissed me off. I was calm, it wasn't really an argument as such, just said "I wouldn't have to 'nag' if you just thought a bit more about things you could quickly and easily do that make our lives just a little bit easier. I'm entitled to say that without being accused of nagging". He apologised later by calling me on his way to work and saying he knows he needs to do more day to day.
The thing is, he just doesn't think, or use his time well. He faffs with things that aren't a priority and isn't great at recognising what needs to be done. I don't feel that I should have to 'nag' before things get done, but I'm not sure how I can change it. Aibu?
I love him, he's a great dad and husband. It's not a LTB situation. I just feel like the dynamics need to shift a bit and am unsure how to do it without constantly 'reminding' him!