Asking after boyfriends/girlfriends/partners

[JAPAB]

You bump into Carl/Carla whom you haven't seen for a reasonable length of time (a year or maybe several years). When you last knew them they were in a relationship with Will/Wilma.

AIBU for not knowing the correct etiquette in regards to asking how Will/Wilma is doing?

Part of me thinks it's just polite, it may even be impolite not to. The other thinks that anything could have happened with Will/Wilma in the intervening time. A very acrimonious split for instance.

Just ask...what's the worse they can say? (That they split up)...how are you meant to know that unless you ask?

I’m not the best at social skills but I usually just go for it. Then if they say they aren’t together -and as long as they don’t cry- I just apologise and move on.
No idea if that’s the norm but if Wilma knew me at all she would know I’m not one who gets uncomfortable in these situations -except if they cry-

I’d just ask if they were still with said partner.

I just go for it, you’re not expected to know and Carl/Carla don’t know if you know because you might have heard from Will/Wilma or another mutual friend so may not mention it.

I wouldn’t ask if they were still with their partner as op suggested

I’d just ask after them.

It’s awkward isn’t it?

I saw an ex colleague at a new job I’d started once and asked how are things with your boyfriend? I couldn’t remember his name as it was a new relationship when I last saw her and it’d been a few years.

She looked like I’d just slapped her, as she thought I was asking about the guy she had an affair with at the last job that no one except everyone knew about.

Right can of worms.

I have a lovely friend who I only see now about once every 2 or 3 yrs at work events. He goes for ‘what’s M up to these days?’ I like that - you could answer ‘fuck knows, not seen him for 18 months’ or ‘he’s at home with the twins’ and it comes across as ‘I remember and care about what we discussed when we last spoke’ rather than looking for gossip.

I’d just ask after them.

Even that has its potentials. How's X these days? If it turns out X was caught in bed with their best friend the atmosphere of your reunion might take a hit.

But well, it is polite to ask after family and Sos. Maybe I would if Will/Wilma was their spouse or they lived together when I last knew them, and take what comes. Maybe not so if it was less "formal".

family and Sos Or SO's, even.

As a trainer ( lots of people have spent weeks looking at me whilst I just glance around the room) I always just ask
"How are your nearest and dearest?"
Covers everything and people can choose to answer it any which way.

It’s fine to ask. It’s more important that if they say ‘oh we broke up’ you say something neutral and move on quickly instead of ‘no!!! Oh my god!! What happened?!’ Etc

It's rude not to ask I think. If they've split up then surely they will just say so? If its all good they'll usually say 'we're all good though' , or if its bad, the worst that can happen is 'don't ask' and a laugh. Surely?

I would just ask general open-ended questions like "How are things with you?" and just follow any conversational topics the other person offers.
I actually don't know why people have to keep asking how other people are all the time.

DP and I met an old colleague of his a while ago. Said colleague asked after the Ex wife by name, then turned to me and said oh, sorry!

It was fine, they obviously all spent time together twenty years ago. I didn’t mind at all. She is part of his life.

Awfully, I was both real and FB friends with a married couple who managed to split up and get divorced without the FB algorithm ever showing me a relevant post. Imagine how embarrassing that conversation was!