Does marriage counselling usually end up in separation?

[justcontemplatingsomething]

I know some people will tell me to mind my own business but I recently found out that friends of mine are going through marriage counselling. In their 30's, married about 6 or 7 years and together for quite a while before that. I know one other couple who are friends of mine who went through marriage counselling a few years ago and eventually separated. It just got me thinking that if it's got to that stage where you're going to marriage counselling, is that usually the start of the end? Or can things be redeemed?

We went for a session. Waste of time. Decided to sort things out ourselves. 7 years later- we're not perfect but still going strong. Think it depends on when u decide to look for help and what ur willing to do urself...

I would think it entirely depends on why you are there!

Went for 8 sessions. Divorced a few months later.

In a church setting, no. Loads of couples come who just want to improve things, check in after a long time together etc. Even those will real troubles are often able to sort it out and come out stronger. Not sure about secular marriage counselling. I think it probably depends if both parties want to save the marriage. If they do, it’s probably salvageable.

(Abuse being the exception)

Me and dh went to counselling. Still married. We were very close to divorcing. Emigration to Oz was the start of it. Back in the UK now, and resentment was on both sides. Just had to pick things apart. We’re all good now.

Retrouvaille (pronounced Retro-VEYE, as in "eyeball") is a retreat for couples who are considering separation. It has actually saved many marriages. Thankfully Hubby and I have never gotten to that point but I have seen it advertised.

If both parties want to save the relationship it certainly can result in a positive outcome.

Glad to hear it's been successful for some of you. In this case I don't think the husband is willing to put in an effort to make it work which is sad but probably a sign of where things are headed.

My best friend and her husband went about 3 years ago. He has bi-polar and his mother, well to say she was controlling is an understatement.

The counselling made him see things in a new light and it's done wonders. Before they went for a good year or two things had been so bad and she was so upset all the time. It was bad.

Since they went it's been fantastic and they are trying for another baby. They are great and both super happy. They have been together 11 years.

We went earlier this year. We'd been having a recurring argument and so went to see a counsellor who helped mediate for us. Things are better than ever now.

Did for me

Just saw your last post. They have to both want it to work. My bf and her husband loved each other deeply but the situation as it was was insane. They moved the next city over and don't let his mother control everything (housing/doctors/medication/their child, the list goes on!) any more. I think that has been the biggest change. They really love each other and now they have space to live their lives.

It's hardly surprising that a lot of couples who go for counselling end up splitting up really. I should think the majority of couples who go for counselling do so when their relationship is in trouble, so there will be a significant proportion of couples who break up. They won't have broken up because of the counselling, though, but because too much water had gone under the bridge for the relationship to be saved.

If the counselling enables a relationship to end without acrimony then that's a success, too, in my book.