AIBU to be annoyed by DH and work ethic?

[Jadetreesbringluck]

I am so mad today - my mother came to mind our 3 children as our normal childcare was unavailable. She traveled a fair distance and will be staying for a few nights (need childcare for 2 days).

This morning my DH slept in for work - no major problem, he had a bad night sleep so I said ok - just go in now, better late than never...

He said he was too tired. He didnt sleep much and felt wrecked. So much so that he wanted to go back to bed. I told him that he is an adult and that a bad night sleep was not a good enough reason to not to to work. FYI he does work a hard manual job - also he does not get paid for any days that he is not there.

AIBU to be really pissed off? I have considered a trial separation, for other reasons (no abuse or anything horrible - just feel we are is matched in a lot of things) and we only spoke about this last week. He is making significant improvements in the issues we discussed - but then today when I told him I would be really annoyed if he didnt go in but he said that I cant dictate to him about his job, he is an adult.

Sure - he is and can make his own choice, but that choice can impact us? IE if he is down a days wage next week - that effects us (not dramatically but we are supposed to be saving for a house).

I have taken days off, like anyone, but they are few and far between and generally as I am sick or one of the children are sick. Also I get paid - so no impact on family money.

AIBU?

I would be raging at him.

Is there definitely nothing going on healthwise with him? Depression, anxiety etc can look a lot like 'laziness' to people on the outside. Insomnia and fatigue are very real problems that can be more of a drain than a lot of people think.

Also, if he works a hard manual job should he be going in when he's tired enough to not see straight? If it was an office job he could doss about at for a day then I'd understand a bit more, but 'hard manual' sounds like he's doing a lot of heavy lifting/working with powertools or something else potentially dangerous with fatigue.

Yes it is heavy work - lots of machinery and there is a health & safety element....however, this is not a one off. It has happened before because he doesn't feel well, sometimes he has been genuinely ill and of course needed the day off, other times (like this) i think its just pure laziness.

I went through a really bad time last year where I was just tired, no energy, really down. Recommended getting my Vit D level checked and it was extremely low (27). Worth a check up at the Drs?

My ex husband seemed to have no understanding of the effect of his actions today, on tomorrow. He would just say, "I am not going to work today He would expect me to deal with the consequences and sort it out. There are some people like that. No fatigue, no depression. Deficiency,
oh yes, in responsibility.

I need to have a serious temperature not to go to work. But I don’t do a heavy manual job.
If he just feels tired, reduce the amount of beer in the fridge and chips on his plate, give him water to drink before bed and buy him some multivitamins.

So your mum has travelled to mind the kids so you can both go to work and he has decided to stay in bed!!!!

I would be fuming if my husband did this.

Doing a hard manual job in this heat (and its been hot for weeks now) must be exhausting. I don't do manual labour but I do work outdoors a lot and I'm really struggling at the moment. Dont be so sure he's slacking til you've tried it.