I am stuck in a pitt of depression that I can’t seem to lift long enough to focus on moving forward in any way from this..
My fiancé (father to our children) has been texting another girl from work on and off for a couple of months. She is a very complicated person and attention seeking often messaging him all her issues with her ex boyfriend and how depressed she is and what she might do etc etc.. he has been there for her and been messaging her back with his issues about OUR relationship, ones that he doesn’t talk to me about and she even made comments to him referring to him telling her we sleep in seperate bedrooms (WE DONT) and how unhappy he is in the relationship and that I wouldn’t even care if he went home with another girl one night (I WOULD). The messages at the start were friendly, and then they crossed the point of sexual for about a week, and then went back to just friendly again.. just as I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child!!!
I don’t know if he stopped speaking to her like that because I’m pregnant or because he realized it was wrong, BUT he still carried on talking to her every now and then even though he knew I wouldn’t like it. He also deletes all the messages they ever send each other and had her conversation on mute so that I didn’t see it appear on his phone.
She is young, no children, goes out with people from their work, gives him all the attention he was craving. she is bisexual and mentioned to him about being interested in women at the moment although she said often how she wanted her ex boyfriend back anyway. I don’t believe he loves her and nothing physical happened, but they did keep arranging to meet up late at night but she told me she kept cancelling on him. He says he cancelled on her.
The way he spoke to her turned my stomach, the betrayal has almost killed me and I can’t concerntrate on anything other than this. He spoke to her about how he wanted to sleep with her previously and even when I found out about all this he messaged her that morning saying how I knew everything and he shouldn’t have said it in the first place to her, but still added in the comments “it’s not my fault I wanted to sleep with you” and “I’m getting all this Abuse off her for nothing we never even did anything I didn’t at least even get a shag out of it or a new girlfriend” to which she started flirting back, this was when I already found out!!!
He has told her he won’t speak to her again and she has said she’s not speaking to him again because she doesn’t want to cause trouble between us and our family.
They still work together and I’m petrified every time he goes to work that they’re laughing behind my back. Even if nothing else is going on the friendship makes me feel sick and betrayed like I wasn’t enough.
He blames the ego boost and the attention and the fact that she was responding back flirting and he said she at first drew him in with her depression, but now I’m left with the depression and it feels unbearable.
We have a home and soon to be 3 children, he hasn’t spoken to her all week now as far as I am aware, but it still worries me that as soon as we hit a bad spell that she’ll be back on the cards.
I also am now very paranoid about him going to the pub with his friends because it turned out sometimes she’d be there and that he insisted on walking her home one night. Also I saw texts when I had been asking him to come home because I was unwell and he was saying no to me Because he couldn’t get a taxi but then to her telling her to get a taxi into town to meet him and that he’d pay.
There’s so many different parts to their conversations I don’t understand them myself, but the gist of it is they were friends that flirted and were there for each other but he also wanted it to be sexual at a time and she was willing but they never went through with it. He said to her that he stopped speaking to her because he didn’t want to feel feelings that he shouldn’t because I was pregnant, does that mean he has feelings for her? Or was just worried because he could feel the possibility they would develop??
Help me 