To tell this colleague to stick her stereotypes where the sun doesn’t shine?

[CoughLaughFart]

Background: Am in a team of three women and five men, in plus female ultimate boss. One of the women is heavily pregnant and will be off on mat leave soon. The other woman (a bit of a head cook and bottlewasher type) wants to organise an office baby shower for her. She was talking to me and our manager - a quite obviously gay man - about it and said, ‘We'll invite the boys, but they probably won’t want to come, so it’ll just be a girls thing’.

I wanted to retch to be frank. In one breath she’d managed to stereotype half the team. So there’s no possibility ‘the boys’ could be interested in babies, but I, as a woman, must be fascinated? A gay man gets lumped in with ‘the girls’? Also, one of the other men is also gay, but she didn’t catch on for ages because he isn’t camp and doesn’t fit her version of a gay man - she only realised after she made a negative remark about gay men in front of him. Why is he one of the boys and our manager is one of the girls?

I feel like saying I have bugger all interest in babies and would rather she didn’t assume possession of a womb meant I do - or vice versa. What would you do?

I would say that she should invite everyone on the team as to do otherwise could be seen as bullying and sex discrimination which could form the start of a grievance and disciplinary for her. And youd hate to think of that happening to her when it could so easily be avoided....

I wouldn't say anything. The gay manager witnessed her remark and could take it up with her.
She did say to invite everyone before putting in her own skewed view.
Actually I've changed my mind, you should ask her if she realises how insulting her comment was?

I’d be gutted

I'm not seeing a problem. She's inviting everyone regardless so that's ok. And it's her opinion (which she is entitled to) that the men won't turn up and so it will just be the women. That's not an unrealistic expectation based on my experience of offices - women feel obliged to show interest and the men generally don't. There was nothing stopping you from saying that it wasn't your cup of tea either. And from what you've said it doesn't sound like she's including your gay manager as a girl.

She didn’t invite me - she assumed I’d be going.

Baby showers are traditionally female affairs. Why can't you all just buy her a nice present?

Why are you bothered??

I've never known of a male, regardless of sexuality to be remotely interested in or ever in attendance at a baby shower!

You seem to dislike your colleague. Chill the fuck out. Seriously.

What's a bottle washer type if you work in an office? Is that not a stereotype in itself or have I massively missed some irony?

You seem to dislike your colleague. Chill the fuck out. Seriously.

Really? That seems more than a little over the top.

But you’re right - I don’t like her. For many reasons. That isn’t relevant to her behaviour.

You wanted to retch? Oh, you're one of those!

"‘We'll invite the boys, but they probably won’t want to come, so it’ll just be a girls thing’."

So no one was left out but she guessed about the replies. How is this possibly offensive? I think she'll be proven correct and baby showers with men at sound quite uncomfortable.

I would be looking to stay away from work as you sound very hard work and excruciating company.

I am however fascinated by "ultimate boss". Is it like The Apprentice?

If you’re throwing expressions like ‘excruciating company’ about, I think YOU might be ‘one of those’.

And I’m pretty sure any pollock could work out what ultimate boss meant.

Fish are surprisingly clever...

Autocorrect - or are you by that too?

I've never known of a male, regardless of sexuality to be remotely interested in or ever in attendance at a baby shower!

Why assume that women have any interest? I certainly don’t and it doesn’t sound like the OP does either. I’m with you OP, it would annoy me too, the assumption that I’d be interested but the boys get a Get Out Of Jail Free Card. It’s a weird thing to do in an office anyway, why can’t you all just chip in for a gift?

I would say that she should invite everyone and then if she asks if I can go say that I have little interest in babies unless I’m related to one and then walk off 😂

Some gay men do refer to themselves as "the girls" when they are in a group of women. Not all, she shouldn't have assumed.

@CoughLaughFart

I have no idea what you're trying to say.

OP, I feel for you in this situation. She sounds quite toe-curling.

And I'm sure it would be acceptable to chip in for a gift and not attend, btw (I know that's not really the point of your thread)