To give my child everything

[FantasticRiddles]

Ok I know IABU but I could do with a little bit of advice on where to set the line.

The last thing I want is my kids to grow up with no idea of money and budgeting and to be spoiled but whenever I think of what they could spend their own pocket money on, I would be happy to just buy them.

I really don't want them spending their own money on food.
Toys I've always been happy to buy them, if I had the money to spare.

They are only young now, 1 and 4 so I really want to set good money practices from a young age so any advice would be appreciated.

ds switched from me giving him money to go out or me buying what he needed to pocket money when he started secondary school age 11.

He got a bank account with debit card, we switched his giff gaff mobile phone to the account and set up his parentpay account at school for lunches, xbox, iTunes, apple pay etc to his account.

Explained in simple terms how to operate the account and how, when it was gone it was gone and, if he spent it all on the xbox at the beginning of the month he wouldn't be able to go out with friends during the month. If he spent it on xbox and we need to pay for his lunches it would come out of his money next month etc. Showed him now to do bank transfers to me if he wanted cash etc and then agreed a rough monthly budget and deposited into the account for him.

He's 14 now and really responsible with money (apart from occasional xbox/iTunes buys which adults wouldn't waste money on!), sometime too generous with friends, but also frugal himself. For example he hasn't upped his giff gaff mobile goody bag to the next level to get more data as he knows it means he has to pay an extra £3 a month and is now more careful with his data allowance!

For him there was absolutely no advantage in having pocket money before secondary school age. I left it until he was able to understand money properly and it has worked well for us.

How about a pound each when you visit poundland/poundworld. That way they can choose a toy each? Or a pound each per week to put in their piggy banks. The eldest could begin learning at the age of 4 how to save for what they want. I would also include the younger one even though they will have no concept yet of saving but just to keep it fair.

You learn money at age 6 here at our school so I don't feel its too young. It also helps to give them a choice rather than it all be done for them.

TooTrue I think the OP means buy them what they need/some treats with her money if I have money to spare rather than give them pocket money/a budget to buy what they want, not literally buy them "everything".

I found pocket money useful once they were older - 10+ - and wanted to spend more expensively on 'brands'.
I could set a level of spend I was happy with - say £30.00 for trainers. If they wanted more expensive items they could make that decision for themselves. So if they wanted a more expensive brand for £50.00 they could add the £20.00

Saved so many arguments, gave them some responsibility in decision making and value for money and allowed them to think through their priorities.
I must say more than once this resulted in them realizing they didn't need the more expensive brand! which of course they wouldn't given it was their own money and not mine!

"The last thing I want is my kids to grow up with no idea of money and budgeting and to be spoiled but whenever I think of what they could spend their own pocket money on, I would be happy to just buy them.

I really don't want them spending their own money on food.
Toys I've always been happy to buy them, if I had the money to spare."

By the time they get to 6 or 7, you will probably see your role in their lives as slightly different. It's not just about you as provider, it's also about you as trainer, the person who teaches them to eventually become independent young adults. Those are both vital functions of motherhood.

In the 7 years of primary school, a lot has to happen. A secondary school child is one that, though still under the authority of its parents, has quite a bit of agency and independent life, someone who moves around independently, spends a lot of time with their peer group, and has to make decisions about their everyday life without consulting their parents over every detail. You want to train them to get there.

Pocket money is one small training game. Being allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, spending on things and then wishing they'd spent on something else, or saving up to buy something they really want, is a HUGE learning experience. Once they're old enough there is no reason you should deny them learning experiences just because you like feeling like their provider. It's not about you.

My DD is 14 and when she's out and about in the city, she quite often buys fancy foods or sweets which I wouldn't. That's up to her. Her money.

The 1 year old obviously isn't getting pocket money yet but my 4 year old can count really well and has started to ask to pay for things in shops and counts out the money himself. (When there isn't a queue behind us, lol!)
I will start pocket money with my youngest when older but wanted to start with eldest soon.

I don't want them wasting money on sweets and junk. They have a small amount of sweets and that's all they are allowed.
Plus I don't think it's good for them to get used to buying food, I'm their mother and I provide their food.

Magazines could be a good idea whilst they're young - thanks for that idea!

A star chart for good behaviour might work, they can 'earn' their money then.

Some really interesting replies here with lots to think about. Thanks everyone!

Fantastic, what you are basically saying is, I want to supervise their spending so they don't make mistakes. But the whole learning experience lies in the making mistakes. If you start deciding what is a worthy way of spending the money, then you are basically not letting them do that learning for themselves.

As for making sure they don't eat too many sweets, that is easily dealt with by not buying them any more sweets yourself once they have pocket money and making sure the sum they get is not large enough to allow over-consumption.

Once they get to their mid-teens, it may also be a good idea to give them an allowance and let them buy their own clothes. Again it's about learning.

I think they're too young for pocket money really. I think it would be a mistake to give them everything they wanted as soon as they asked but as they get older you'll find you won't do this anyway. (Unless you're very rich and can afford to blow £800 a week on lego or £100 a day on stupid tokens for some iPad game everyone at school has).