to think this is not going to be ok

[Elephantleavestheroom]

NC for this.
I’m going to have to declare myself bankrupt. It’s a long story, but there are no other options now. DH says it will be ok, but I can’t see how. We are having arguments about it - I feel it’s all looking very bleak, he says something will turn up. I’m disabled and we have a disabled child, I also have a very limited, but expert skill set, so employment is very difficult for me to find. We cannot manage on just DH’s income.
AIBU to think it’s not going to be ok? Has anyone else been through bankruptcy and it be ok? Or not ok?

Our business failed. Our home was repossessed. It was all in his name as I was a second marriage. We declared him bankrupt which he found hugely distressing. The bankruptcy was discharged a year later as it was honest and no fraud etc. It was like a weight lifted from round our necks. No more crippling monthly payments and enough to pay our bills each month. 9 years on, he has rebuilt his credit rating, we rent our home. We’re happy.

It will be ok OP. My mum and dad declared bankruptcy when I was 18. Lots of arguments, lots of stress in the months beforehand, they lost the house and feared we would be homeless. They are fine now, happier probably, money is still tight from time to time but they have a council flat and it's been like a new start for them, all the stress of moving money from credit card to credit card, missing payments, angry phone calls etc were all over, for the first time in years they could focus on themselves a bit and on turning stuff around because they finally had the head space to able to do so.

It's a horrible time OP you have my sympathies but you be fine and it will work out.

I haven't been through it OP but I have read things that suggest it can actually be a huge relief and very freeing for those struggling with debt.

There can be serious consequences - you may lose your home and some possessions, you may find it hard to get credit in future, and you won't be able to serve on certain boards etc. But you won't lose possessions essential for enabling you to work and if anything is required for your DC you won't lose those either.

Have you spoken to citizen's advice? They can help talk you through the consequences and what the process will be.

This doesn't have to be the end of the world - it can be a real fresh start for you.

No personal experience but I often browse the Money Saving Expert site and there's a large section for bankruptcy and the implications etc for people going through it.
I think that you'll find it very helpful.
Best of luck

The main issue could be the situation regarding your home, if you own it or part own it. Other than that, it's pretty horrible whilst you're going through it, for example going through your debts/affairs with the official receiver. However there is a sense of relief too and as others have said you can start to look forward again. They may want you to sign up to a payment plan if your income warrants it. Would agree the money saving expert bankruptcy board is a useful resource.

It WILL be OK. Many years ago my ex was declared bankrupt at a time when bankruptcy lasted for at least 3 years, we did lose our home, but things worked out in the end. At the time I couldn't see any way things would ever be OK again but they are, we did get back on our feet, I remember New Year's eve 1999 was mostly spent with me plotting how I could commit suicide without impacting on the young children's lives. I couldn't see how the new millennium that everyone else was so excited about could bring anything but more heartbreak. The fact I am here today tells you that I didn't do what I had planned to do and I am very glad about that now and I can't quite believe how far I have come from those very dark days. I can remember thinking how dark and bleak life seemed but slowly, slowly the light has come back into my life. Bankruptcy is tough but it is very survivable and things do improve

Thank you so much everyone. Your kind words have been very reassuring.
I know quite a bit about the process, and have looked into all avenues before coming to this decision.
I don’t think we would lose out home, at least not initially. It’s in DH’s name only as when we bought it, I was self-employed and the lending rules meant I couldn’t self-cert and needed three years of tax returns.
My biggest fear is that we won’t be able to afford to live after the BO, DH’s salary would the mortgage, food, but not the car, clothes, utility bills, etc. Without my income, I don’t know how we’d pay for that. We also pay for private therapy for my child out of their DLA, but I do not want to use this money for household bills as that’s not what it’s for.
We already shop in Aldi, have a crappy small car, and a small house. Kids clothes are bought secondhand. I’ve been selling off stuff too to cover bills. Our mortgage payments are relatively small - around £500 a month less than the rental of a similar property (our area is very expensive). Losing our home would mean that we’d have to pay more for renting and that would likely bankrupt DH too.

I know it's not 'right', but I know someone who was bankrupt and had his salary paid into his wife's account. They had a very sympathetic employer (small business, owner manager type). It doesn't excuse that he wasn't paying his debtors, but it did mean they didn't lose their house.

I've been through it and all fine now.
I would advise you to do it with help from the cAB.
They will navigate you though it and their advice is invaluable. Don't presume you can do it alone. They have info that the rest of us aren't privy to.