How long does it take to say thankyou?

[user7469322]

In brief, bought friends daughter a necklace as she’s leaving Yr6 tomorrow. Have not seen her mum since last week due to work. Asked when I’d definitely see her this week, no answer. Today was yr6 leavers assembly. Saw friends car at the school when I picked my child up. Left the envelope (necklace package very slim) on windscreen of friends car. Didn’t see friend and don’t by know how long after I left she herself left.

Package was left 5hrs ago and I’ve heard zero. Obviously there’s a chance someone’s pinched it but I very much doubt it as I left school when there wasn’t many parents left. You wouldn’t have seen the envelope if you hadn’t been looking.

Assuming friend has got the envelope, how long does it take to send a thanks text, or even would you bother at all? Friend has form for not saying thanks unless promoted and I don’t want to do that again .

Your behaviour is bizarre.

Leaving gifts for someone's child under a car windscreen instead of just waiting to see them, or calling at their house.

Why not deliver the gift next time you saw them? Are you actually good friends? Why not phone her?

Are you in the habit of giving their children gifts? Would they rather you didn't?

@HilaryBriss
I asked him as we were already discussing something anyway. I message him, he messages me, no big deal.

@NorthernSpirit
Yes, manners cost nothing, agree with you.

@FlowerPower25
I very much doubt it. It’s just obviously not important to her.

@StarUtopia
That would piss me off too. But some people aren’t big on saying thankyou, I don’t know why.

@Phosphorus
Didn’t have time to call st the house yesterday. Car was at school, knew she was in the assembly and would be there a while. Wasn’t going to go traipsing through that to give it to her. I so t see her till first weekend of August now, daughter left today. Yes we are good friends. If they didn’t want me to give gifts, they’re the sort of people to say so.

If they didn’t want me to give gifts, they’re the sort of people to say so.

• but not the sort to say thank you!

@JennyWoodentop

Husband said it was ‘lovely’ so I’ll run with that! That’s as close as I’m gonna get I think!

It sounds like your friend really just doesn't want you giving presents to her DD, but doesn't know how to tell you that, aside from not replying to your messages about meeting up, and not saying thanks.

If you leave "surprise" presents, I don't think you can demand thanks. It's an unsolicited gift.

Honestly? I'd be creeped out if someone left a necklace for my child under my windscreen wiper. It's just strange. I'd feel a bit weirded out.

@WhatsGoingOnEh

I already told my friend last week I had a gift for her so she was expecting it!! You’d seriously be ‘weirded out’ if one of your close friends left a gift in similar circumstances? How odd. I’m not sure why you’re referring to occasions of meeting up with friend, that’s irrelevant to this scenario.

YANBU
I’d have texted you as soon as I’d received it, as in, when I was in my car.

@Icouldbehappy

That’s the sort of thing I’d do too.

@AmazinglyGrace The meeting up thing is relevant to this situation. If your friend already knew you'd bought her DD a gift, then when you asked when you'd "definitely see"her this week, she'd have known it was because you wanted to give her the gift.

The fact she dodged that question, and hasn't contacted you to say thanks (not for the first time), is a pretty obvious clue that she doesn't want you buying gifts.

Anyway, technically her DD should be the one thanking you. She sounds as ungrateful as her mum. Really - stop buying them things. They don't want them.

@WhatsGoingOnEh

When I asked her, she was in the middle of something, so I asked her at the wrong moment.

As I say above, if they didn’t want gifts bought, they’re the sort of people who would say. I could understand your point if it was just a necklace ‘because I felt like it’ but it’s not. I’m not quite sure what sort of person you’re trying to make me out as but I think you should leave it now.

I think this thread is rather odd to be honest.

I agree that giving the child a gift is nice.
I agree that a thank you is polite.

But you’ve been stressing about the whole thing way out of proportion.

Leaving it on a windscreen is very odd. Why not just drop it through their letterbox? Or post it?

I’m not really sure why this is bothering you quite so much tbh.

If my Mum’s friend sent me a gift I’d write a thank you note (not text) and you’d get it in a few days.

You seem to have made buying, delivering and receiving acknowledgment of this gift into a much, much bigger deal than is appropriate.

I can’t understand why you’d be moved to write a thread about it really. Unless the Mum is an MNer and you are poking at her?

I'd be creeped out if someone left a necklace for my child under my windscreen wiper. It's just strange. I'd feel a bit weirded out
It's not some weird adult left the dd a love heart necklace or a locket with their face in it is it. Why is buying your friends child a gift for finishing school creepy? Annoying if you feel you have to reciprocate, odd if it isn't something you'd do but how creepy?

@AmazingPostVoices

If you feel the post is odd, why are you replying? But, to answer some of your additional questions:

I am not ‘stresding’ about this. Yes, it has pissed me off that 24+ hours later I haven’t had a thankyou off friend or her daughter but that’s it now.

To reiterate (again), it was left on the windscreen as friend was in school and I knew I wouldn’t see her at our older children’s school. I’ve done it before. I chose to do it that was as (to be honest), I left have felt uncomfortable giving it to her face time face and I think she would have too. It gave them the opportunity to open it at their leisure. It’s is not weird, odd or strange and my friend would have done the same if she knew she wasn’t going to see me.

I didn’t have time to go to her house last night and they live 5mins walk from me so no point posting.

You do not have to understand why it is ‘bothering me so kuch’. I guess the simple answer is (if needed to be said), that’s I like people that treat me how I treat them. It’s not hard.

My friend is not one for writing thankyou notes. It’s nice, however, that you are.

I wrote the post to gain opinion. Friend is not one for Internet forums.

Does this clarify everything or can I help further?

If you feel the post is odd, why are you replying?

Because that is rather how MN works I’m afraid.

Starting a thread means you will sometimes get responses from people who disagree with you or question your behaviour. It’s a modern take on the Socratic method.

It’s not unreasonable to want to be treated with respect and courtesy but it is rather unreasonable to expect people to treat you exactly as you would treat them.

The standard etiquette time for a thank you note is three weeks. Now obviously texting has sped things up a bit but the fact remains that you don’t buy a present for the thank you.

I’m afraid your OP, your earlier responses and your somewhat tetchy response to me rather indicate that you did buy this gift for the thank you.

There’s nothing wrong with doing a nice thing for someone else because it makes you feel good about yourself but it’s
counterproductive if not receiving immediate attention and praise for the nice thing leads to anger/annoyance/irritation/stress.

Your response to this seems out of proportion. It’s not wrong to want a thank you. It’s wrong to want to control specifically when and how you get it.

I can think of a number of plausible explanations why you didnt get a speedy thank you and I don’t even know these people.

@AmazingPostVoices

The whole purpose of your text lies is to question my behaviour, my morals and my beliefs.

You really are making me sound like an awful, awful person. FWIW I’m not.

I thank you for taking the time to reply but I think I will end this now.

The whole purpose of your text lies is to question my behaviour, my morals and my beliefs.

That’s not my intention at all. I’m just trying to offer you a bit of perspective.

I don’t think you are an awful at all. I’m sure you are lovely.

I just think you’ve got yourself upset about this unnecessarily.

I’m sure your friend or her daughter will thank you for your thoughtful gift in due course and all will be well.

@AmazingPostVoices

I don’t think they will, in fact, scrap that. I KNOW they won’t. It doesn’t matter now anyway. She’s ignored a message off me today too so I’m just gonna leave it.

@AmazingPostVoices well spotted!

Considering what just occurred on the £20/spotted a thread about me posts, I think we can safely assume that this too is utter bullshit.

Text, ask if she got it.

(I had to ask a friend if they liked a gift we gave them because there was a finite time to exchange it. They mailed back “Yes. We couldn’t thank anyone because we didn’t know who sent what as the labels were thrown out”.

I wasn’t asking for thanks, though it would have been nice, and she still didn’t thank me!)

Even if it was true it's still simultaneously weird and boring. The OP can't even troll properly poor soul.

Oooh thread took a turn before I posted.