AIBU about family member being alone with my baby?

[Sausages18]

I would appreciate everyone’s thoughts.

I have a 1.5 year old DD. DH’s family live in Europe, his mum and dad are divorced. His mum has a new partner who is lovely and wonderful with DD.

She also has a brother, DH’s uncle, who is a bit troubled and has struggled in various areas of his life.

To be provocative, I would describe him as follows: He works but still takes money from his mother. He can sometimes be irrational, devious and confrontational with DH and family. The family believes he uses sex workers (As an aside - I am supportive of sex workers who have made their own choice to be in that line of work).

But it would also be possible to paint an alternative picture of a man who has had a hard life, struggles with what we would consider ‘normal’ adult interactions, but can be kind, and tries his best. We all know there are many sides to a story.

My problem is that I have got it into my head that he might do something to harm DD. This is unfounded, other my own unease, and probably a paranoid parent overreaction.

Saying that, everyone says ‘trust your instinct’.

My question is - should I talk to DH about this?

If we somehow agreed that DD shouldn’t be left where they might be alone, if would mean talking to my MIL about the worries - which would be a truly terrible accusation. Or us not leaving DD for any time alone with MIL (holidays etc) which would be very problematic.

What do you think? Do I create issues over what is most likely nothing, or just live with the worry? Or do something to get over these fears? What if something did happen?

Appreciate your insight

Simple, this is your baby daughter, you go with your instinct. You are entitled to be as protective of dd as you wish, that’s your job.
I know you want to be fair and that’s lovely of you, but the fact remains that you don’t know this man well, you have some concerns and if something went wrong, you would never forgive yourself.
Explain it to DH and go from there.

Is it likely they would ever be alone together? I don't think I would mention it to MIL unless the need arises, but I would certainly talk to your husband about it. Just explain that you know you may be wrong, but it's a gut feeling that won't go away

It's difficult, on the one hand in May be anxiety throwing your instincts off course on the other hand you may be picking up on something genuinely concerning. I would err on the side of caution and not have him alone with your little girl.

We don't leave children one with people we don't know well regardless of whether they are related to us or not. How close is your DH with his brother? What does he think?

I would just tell her that you both feel very protective of dd & have made a decision that she only be left alone with selected people & ask if she is happy to agree to that if she babysits. I would think it goes without saying

At 1.5 it would surely be easy to just always be there with her when he visits? Does he push for time alone with her and is that giving you a creepy feeling?

Yep, just say you have a rule that only select people are allowed to look after DD (of which MIL is one) and therefore, if she looks after her it has to be on the promise that she is witness DD at all times and she is not to leave DD with anyone else even if she nips to the shops etc for 5 minutes. We did that and both sets of parents were fine with it.