OH Hobbies

[WestieUK]

We have a young DC under 1 and he works full time, myself part time (4 days a week). He has decided that the coming year he will continue to play football on a Saturday (think 12 until 5) and he also plays golf of which he is a member of a golfing team so one Sunday in every month he has a whole day away where he plays golf and will also try and play in the mornings on a Sunday if he doesn't have a team game. I did this all last year when DC was a tiny baby and it was hard work. I don't want to spend nearly all of the weekend without his support for our DC. AIBU by saying he needs to drop one or the other?

Very selfish. needs a discussion and some sort of compromise

As it wouldn’t even be possible for you to have similarly time consuming activities (much less fit in family time) then yes very selfish. I would suggest disappearing for a chunk of Saturday and Sunday (depending on bf) THEN talking about it.

Not unreasonable at all, he shouldn’t have had a child if he didn’t want responsibilities. Do you get hobby time too, leaving him with the kids?

Sit down and talk to him and ask him where he is going to get childcare from at the weekends? As he can’t expect you to just pick up the slack as you’ll be participating in your endeavours on a Sunday- he can have Saturday by all means

Leave him to work it out

I would agree that yes he should choose one and that's it. It's not at all fair on you otherwise.

Totally unreasonable. I gave up cricket when DC were born as I was away for a whole day. Just started playing again now the DC are 18 and 16. He needs to step up!

Golf is fine but he probably hasn't the time for football. When will he spend time with DC? Although it's missing the point, is he not a bit old for football?

He is being very unreasonable and selfish.

Perfectly reasonable as long as you get the same - you can just tell him you're going out 12-5 on Sundays from now on, and he will need to sort childcare if he wants to play golf.

I think one or the other is fine. Both days of a weekend is too much.
Dh and I have always carried on our hobbies with dc, but it's the same amount of time ish, and we're both happy with it.
I have Saturday 5 hours, he has Sunday 5 hours.

Equal downtime is the fair amount.

i think ybu its a bad sign when one partner tries to make the other give up hobbies they have done for a long time

I understand your point as my DH plays cricket nearly every Saturday and the winter is football. We have two Dcs under 5 and it's hard work. The compromise I have is that Saturday morning is for me or family time and then Sunday is family time again. It dosent always work out but I do feel unreasonable asking him to give up his hobbies and besides he would drive me crazy if he didn't do them- it's good to have some time apart.
Good luck but sit down and talk it through x

I can't see an issue with this unless he's stopping you doing the same? Would he mind you taking some alone time for hobbies or friends or whatever?

I'm very surprised at those pp who can't see the issue or think its bad form for one parent to spend extended amounts of time on both days of the weekend playing their sport. As a golf widow myself, it's a rare day when after leaving the house at 7.30am I see DP much before 3pm, so we're not just talking a couple of hours for a round of golf here.

Your DH is being very unreasonable. I would encourage you to ask how he is going to ensure you also get 8 hours of child free time at the weekend (at sociable times mind). Rather than dropping - could he swap to a weekday evening football team for example?

i think ybu its a bad sign when one partner tries to make the other give up hobbies they have done for a long time

It’s a worse sign when a parent thinks they can absolve themselves from childcare

You get a day off as work less than him so him getting a day at the weekend seems fair.

Unless he stops you from having hobbies, going out etc I'd have no issue with this.

He's ringfenced both Saturday and Sunday for himself which is unfair.

I agree with a previous poster, arrange your own stuff at the weekend and then have a chat. I think picking a day is fair a d then it's up to the other person to arrange childcare.

We had very little childcare backup, I'd be annoyed if my OH was using childcare for an additional day of hobbies rather than for emergencies.

Young children are hard work. Not sharing support as a couple is more worrying than taking asking a partner to reconsider time for hobbies so that it's fair for you both.

I didn't have to have a conversation with my OH, we both put DS first.

Your real issue is not broaching this when you had a baby and he was off all weekend, what incentive does he have to stop now?

Have you spoken to him about this at all? Does he genuinely think it's ok not to spend any time with his wife and child?

Does op get a day off? Or is she looking after their child, saving on nursery costs, cleaning the house etc and potentially damaging her promotion opportunities by working part time?

He is being unreasonable but unless you claim one day each weekend I doubt he’ll understand.

FWIW I work ft dh is a sahd, there is no way I’d bugger off for 8 hours each weekend leaving him to it.

He’s being selfish. It’s either Saturday or Sunday. He can’t do both.