Child services?

[ETgo]

Not really an AIBU sorry but need some advice, I may be a bit vague to protect people’s identity but the main gist will be there.

Basically we have a 16 yo friend (A) of our DC staying with us and has been for the past month. Doesn’t want to go back home/not welcome at home. A has told mother where they are. We (me, DH, 16 yo, 13 yo) have allowed A to stay but always maintained it was not long term, helped set up bank accounts etc ready for when A gets a job.

Spoke to child services a week in for guidance/advice on where to go from here - thought they would assist in finding somewhere safe for A to live and put support in place for guidance on college/jobs/housing etc. We’re told that if A was safe with us then they wouldn’t be able to help and told us if we couldn’t keep A with us anymore then we should take him to the city homeless shelter . There is no way I could do this to a 16 yo. Since then we’ve plodded along but we cannot keep A here as tensions are building - A not doing anything wrong but is just being a 16 yo and it is too much responsibility for us.

After a trip to a&e with A (nothing serious but A wanted to get injured leg looked at) they are doing a mash referral and explained to A that it cannot be a permanent arrangement and mum can’t just forget she has pr for A. I have phoned child services again and am waiting on a call back from Monday to discuss.

Does anyone know what A’s options will be? I feel the most awful guilt that we are making A homeless and hate to think of A thinking nobody wants them. Also any idea on timescale- we can’t really see us being able to manage for more than another couple of weeks

Good luck OP - what a wonderful thing you're doing I hope it all works out

After no phone call back from child services I emailed stating A cannot stay with us anymore due to disruption of family life (said no fault of A’s). They replied within 10 mins to say as I lived outside their local Authority I would have to contact my local Authority ( I live one road outside the city local Authority whereas A lived in it)!

Emailed straight back to state as A’s mother lived in their LA it was their duty of care to assist as the child protection lead st the hospital had also advised.

Reply from manager saying sorry for confusion ( not sure what confusion as he confirmed the hospital had provided A’s parents address as well as ours and I had made it clear this was a temp arrangement as no one was taking responsibility) and that A has to present at the city’s homelessness unit as per protocol.

I’m so upset as I don’t want A to have to do this but we will talk to A tonight and explain it’s the only way they will get help. Will make it clear A is welcome to see us etc phone etc as still want to be supportive as I know A liked having people to talk to and who are interested in their day to day life.

A may well take this personally but hopefully will realise one day it has to be done

Also to flisspaps I did look into local YMCA but under 18’s can’t self refer they have to go through the homelessness team as adv by child services. If A finds somewhere else to sofa surf instead of getting help from council (can see them trying to do this) I’ll try to keep in contact so that if when they turn 18 they still need help I’ll point them in the direction of YMCA. I can see how easy it is now for youngsters to go off the rails if they have no-one guiding them

At 16, a young person can decide to leave home. The issue is (as you are finding out) the help that is available to that young person once they have done so. I'd suggest talking to SHELTER, and also that there should be a welfare officer at A's school who should have contacts at the council/the ability to help or at least signpost him in terms of somewhere else to live and funding that.

The other thing is that Childline might also be able to help. A needs to call them, rather than you, but they do support and can be helpful to young people like A.

But most of all, ETgo, I think you are wonderful. If only for a short time, you've modelled something very different for A and given him some hope and a lot of support. I really admire you.

I feel like we’re going round in circles- husband spoke to A and said from Friday A needs somewhere to stay and talked about having to go to the city homeless office in order for a proper plan to be put in place. A looked really gutted apparently but said he understood and would talk to sister again or would stay with cousin or contact Dad. Sister is now cancelling on him again and A has said his cousin is on holiday. A is refusing to contact his dad and refusing to go back home ( so as I thought he’s not not necessarily been kicked out but possibly not happy at home) and refusing to go to the homeless office.

Short of literally locking him out I have no idea what to do - just feel if we let him stay on a few more days it will be a never ending cycle. So frustrated that child services won’t proactively get involved

So frustrated that child services won’t proactively get involved

It's not their role. They don't have resources to provide a teenager who has refused to go home. Have you even spoken to either of this child's parents?

If he's refusing to go home through choice, because he's being pig headed then do put him out. Force his hand.

Have you spoken to his parents? I don't see why he's refusing to go to the council, I'm assuming one of you will go with him, does he just want his mum to want him back?

Is he at risk at home or has he just had an argument with his mum and decided to punish her for it? I think the situation at home is key here.